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Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Jan 2005
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It seems as if drama is in your future, I would not go. You made your attempt. I'm still of this thought. I don't see the huge pull of funerals anyway. I knew somebody while they were alive, and enjoyed that time. I'm content with those memories. A few good thoughts to the family members that still care about you would be plenty for me. A physical presence at a funeral is nothing. So often, I wonder why we even have funerals. My wife & I have it in our wills... no funeral, and cremation. I just can't understand the fascination with funerals....
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Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,313
Campfire Regular
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Campfire Regular
Joined: Jun 2012
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Same situation happened to me in 1998. I arrived sat in the back and after the service ex and family came over and thanked me for attending. It was 300 mile drive one way. Honor the FIL you knew for so many years. I'm sure you had some fun times with him.
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Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 5,737
Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 5,737 |
In the eyes of the family of the dead fellow, you will be wrong.
So do what you think is best.
Jim
"Whensoever the General Government assumes undelegated powers, its acts are unauthoritative, void, and of no force." --Thomas Jefferson
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Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 8,639
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 8,639 |
I would go... It's between you and him - nobody else.. as someone else wrote it's not his fault the marrige went south..
Speak softly and use a big bore...
Where's El Cid when we need him...
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Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 9,611 Likes: 8
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 9,611 Likes: 8 |
Go to the funeral if you feel you must. Sit somewhere inconspicuous, go away when it's over.
My dad truly despised only 2 people in this world, former S.I.L. was one of them. When dad passed 3 yrs ago, former S.I.L. felt the need to show up and then hang around. Had my grandma not been close enough to hear, the unwanted former S.I.L. have gotten the earful she deserved from me. Grandma wouldn't have minded the tell off, but I'd have cursed and THAT grandma will not abide.
Last edited by horse1; 08/24/12.
I can walk on water.......................but I do stagger a bit on alcohol.
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Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 73,096
Campfire Kahuna
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Campfire Kahuna
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 73,096 |
Go, pay your respects and if somebody tries to cause a scene just walk away. Better than regretting not going.
George Orwell was a Prophet, not a novelist. Read 1984 and then look around you!
Old cat turd!
"Some men just need killing." ~ Clay Allison.
I am too old to fight but I can still pull a trigger. ~ Me
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 16,032
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 16,032 |
Quando Omni Moritati
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Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 22,959 Likes: 23
Campfire Ranger
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OP
Campfire Ranger
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 22,959 Likes: 23 |
That's the way I am leaning.
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Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 16,053 Likes: 25
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 16,053 Likes: 25 |
Attend.
Conduct yourself with class and honor.
Don't get baited into any old issues that still burn deep.
Walk away if it gets too dramatic.
A short attendance is likely best anyways. Polite, hat in hand.
The kids and no doubt more than a few others will be glad you attended.
Actually these are things I doubt I have to mention, as I have noted the manner in which you conduct yourself here.
Good luck my friend.
THE CHAIR IS AGAINST THE WALL. The Tikka T3 in .308 Winchester is the Glock 19 of the rifle world. The website is up and running!www.lostriverammocompany.com
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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 981
Campfire Regular
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Campfire Regular
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I would go. My kids would sit with the family and I would be as far away as possible and still be able to see. I wouldn't hide, but at the same time I would not engage in social dialogue with anyone. Go, pay your respects to the dead, be respectful of the living by keeping your distance,and leave as soon as it's over.
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Joined: Aug 2006
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Campfire Ranger
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OP
Campfire Ranger
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 22,959 Likes: 23 |
never was much good at 'social dialogue', anyhoo....
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Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 10,084
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 10,084 |
Stay home and say a prayer
That which does not kill us makes us stronger
Friedrich Nietzsche
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Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,347
Campfire Regular
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Campfire Regular
Joined: Jan 2009
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That is a tough one all right. I think communication with the ex before the funeral expressing your condolences, and asking if it would be all right to attend, would be the best route to go. Good luck -- and my condolences.
I won't be wronged. I won't be insulted. I won't be laid a-hand on. I don't do these things to other people, and I require the same from them.
John Wayne
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Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 2,464
Campfire Regular
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Campfire Regular
Joined: Dec 2002
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I would go. My kids would sit with the family and I would be as far away as possible and still be able to see. I wouldn't hide, but at the same time I would not engage in social dialogue with anyone. Go, pay your respects to the dead, be respectful of the living by keeping your distance,and leave as soon as it's over. This one!
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Joined: Mar 2005
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Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 5,235 |
To hell with the ex or her thoughts. The man was family for 25 years and from what I'm getting was a good man. Sounds to me like he deserves your presence/ respects.
You've always struck me as a family man who conducts himself with decorum so I have no doubts you will do great and the family will appreciate your sentiments.
As said above. Lay low and don't linger when it's over unless invited.
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Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 86,375 Likes: 37
Campfire Oracle
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Campfire Oracle
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 86,375 Likes: 37 |
With all due respect to the solemnity of the OP, ROTFLMAO  We oughta' start some sorta' consulting business,.... GTC Yeah, just trying to add a bit of levity to an otherwise somber situation.
If you take the time it takes, it takes less time.
--Pat Parelli
American by birth; Alaskan by choice.
--ironbender
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Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 16,446 Likes: 3
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 16,446 Likes: 3 |
I've always been a curmudgeon - now I'm an old curmudgeon.
~Molɔ̀ːn Labé Skýla~
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Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 22,959 Likes: 23
Campfire Ranger
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OP
Campfire Ranger
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 22,959 Likes: 23 |
did the funeral gig today. I emailed the ex the tuther day, expressed my desire to pay my respects, and told her if I wasn't wanted around by either her, or anyone in her family, that I would obligingly bow out. Of course she wouldn't respond, but told both my boys to tell me to come. Permission granted was evidently unanimous...The whole fam damily acted about half glad that I showed. In the hug line afterwards, I actually got to squeeze my girl and tell her I was sorry about the loss of ol' dad. Her hair doesn't smell the same as it did 3 years ago.....grin Lover-boy was conspicuously absent from the proceedings, and that probably saved me a trip to the pokey. Dang. And I was fixing to go all Chuck Norris on his sorry ass, if he attended.......thank for the advice, guys.
Sorry, Mike. It was just too early of a service to use yours......
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Joined: Dec 2000
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Campfire 'Bwana
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Campfire 'Bwana
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 39,301 |
Glad all turned out well.
The first time I shot myself in the head...
Meniere's Sucks Big Time!!!
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Joined: May 2010
Posts: 14,994 Likes: 4
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 14,994 Likes: 4 |
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