Home Forums Hunting & Shooting Hunter's Campfire Now am I a Redneck? (see this picture)

Okay Bubba's,
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<br>I wasn't really trying, but I think I may have just entered the world of the Redneck. I need some of you true southern boy's to let me know if this stunt below was good enough.
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<br>While out with the family this weekend, I noticed the kicker motor on my raft is sounding funny (funnier than normal.) So we pull up to the cabin we're camping in, and I take a closer look.
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<br>Sure enough, the lower gearbox (that's what I call the part of the shaft where the prop mounts) is loose, and you can see it coming apart slightly were it meets with the rest of the motor. Turns out both the studs that mount it have sheared off.
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<br>Now I really want to use this kicker the next day, since I have several trips hauling camping gear out to the boat. The mooring bouy is kind of far for doing all that rowing. So, being disperate (lazy), on my last trip in for the night, I look around the spare parts kit on the boat, grab some stuff that 'looks good' and head back in to remove the kicker for repair.
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<br>Now you got to promise not to laugh, but here's a picture of my 'field expediant' repair...
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<br>It's three stainless steel hose clamps holding the lower gearbox on, with duct tape under the clamps to prevent the paint from getting scratched up.
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<br>The 'kicker' is, that it worked! Motor sounds great. Just needs to relace the oil, after I fix the studs properly.
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<br>It's when I saw the beer cans in the picture, that I knew I had a chance for achieving Redneck status. So? What's the verdict?
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No you can't be a red neck yet. You started off right with the duct tape but you screwed the pooch after that. Two problems with your project keep you from meeting the requirements for the honored title of red neck; one, you used hose clamps. Any self respecting red neck would have used bailing wire. You should know that! and two, your repairs actually WORKED! Red neck repairs have to look as if they might work without actually working.
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<br>Therefore, we must respectfully decline your application for Red Neck status. Also, you must have been born BELOW the Mason Dixon line to be a true Red Neck.

A second review of your application raises questions concerning your choice of beer. While Coors and Bud ARE considered acceptable beverages in the South ( we even like lite beer, it tastes just like well water. ) any true Red Neck drinks long neck Lone Stars or Blue Ribbon from cans. While we regret having to reject your application for a second time we encourage you to reapply after you have corrected the noted deficencies.

pds,
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<br>Dang it! Thought I had it for sure this time.
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<br>I like the lite beer because of the fact it's like water! You can drink several and not get stupid.
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<br>I better not mention the Absolute Citron in the cooler (which went untouched), as that might cause a lifetime rejection.
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BW,
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<br>I must agree with PDS. You may object, since I am from oregon and only temporarily living in Texas. Howver, Oregon has Rednecks too. Now that I have qualified myself to speak about Redneckisms, you last statement guives you away. While you were correct to use the word "beer," you also used the word "stupid." For a true Redneck, these is no word for stupid....
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<br>Blaine

Nope too sophisticated for Redneck status, plus you forgot to mention if you yelled.."Y'aLL watch theeiisss" ...before firing it up!
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<br>I think you might get an honorable mention for Junkyard Wars though..
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<br>Necessity and laziness are the Mother of all invention..he..he..
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<br>Mike

Double dang!
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<br>I did forget the "y'all watch this" mantra.
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<br>But I'm sure there was a "hold my beer" said at least once.
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<br>I do have a rusty boat trailer in my yard, that should count for something?

See now the truth is coming out
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<br>Is that boat trailer on blocks or just parked in the weeds? There may be hope for you yet!!
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<br>It's no fair as you got to live in the KY/TN area for awhile if memory serves me...If your wife is a Southern Belle you may be Grandfathered in...
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<br>I was at a service rifle match up in IN a few summers ago and I told the guys in the pits that I was originally from IN but moved to GA when I was 12...They said that made me a Damn Yankee since I went South and stayed...then I told them I married a beautiful Southern Belle and they said that made me a Damn Yankee Bas!@#$
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<br>Mike

All too true Ready. BW you were close but the obvious defiencies pointed out in the above posts are true. Keep trying tho', its easier to wade around in this end of the gene pool than try to swim in the deeper end.

BW onliest hope for your redneck status is for you to sneak in under the Rule 44 clause A. Replace the hose clamps with some rusty "bob war" and post another picture.
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<br>BCR

Close but no segar! Too technical with the clamps. And lite beer! Sacrilegious sir.
<br>Now a rusty nail for a shear pin might help and a few dozen empty long necks and you might have a chance. Remember "Redneck" is a state of mind, location not withstanding. Also, if you had started out you post with "you ain't gonna believe this, but.............", that would be more points. IMHO
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Sir:
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<br>Anywhere you have to wear mink lined jockey shorts to maintain the ability to procreate can not have true Rednecks, they can only be visiting. Therefore you application for the vaunted title of "Redneck" must be regretfully rejected, although you made a decent start for a wannabe.
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<br>However, upon further review, and based on an appeal filed by your neighbors (due to the Redneck expulsion amendment, see Alaskan Zoning Laws, section D, subsection U, paragraph M, clause B) the Redneck Expulsion Division of the Alaskan Society for the Study of Extraordinary Stupidity, (that is REDASSES for short) the rusty trailer in your yard gives them the temporary right to refer to you by the honored term "Redneck" and with some practice and a change in your pitifully yuppie like choice of beverages, try Long Necks and Jim Beam, you might attain permanent status as a "Redneck" outpost if you develop some worse habits, consider marrying your sister in law, and take me fishing.

Gents, now you must consider that BW is making his effort from the great state of AK, where baling wire (or barb wire) isn't exactly a hot commodity.
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<br>That said, I think an honorable mention for junkyard war status is more likely (grin).

I detect another bump in the road on your way to redville. The term "raft"is not acceptable. Your johnboat should never be called a "raft". Raft conjures up mental pictures of high tech inflatable devices not suitable in red neck society. The only inflatable water devices acceptable are pool toys and the small 2 ring wading pools. These must be under inflated, patched at least once and covered with mold.

BW,
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<br>As the other gentlemen mentioned above, nice try, but no cigar.
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<br>I was surprised how close you came though. The statement you made about using duct tape "to prevent the paint from getting scratched up" disqualified you on the spot however.
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<br>No sir, a true Redneck does not care on whit about scratching a little paint. Scratching the paint only leads to a litte rust, and no self respecting Redneck cares about a little rust.
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<br>To truly test yourself to see if you are a Redneck use the following as a meter.
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<br>*** If you like to go to family reunions, just to check out the chicks, ..... you are closer than you think.
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<br>Mark

IIFID
<br>I regret to inform you the number of "visiting rednecks" is escalating exponentially here... are you guys running out? Is there any way we could ship a bunch back to you?
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<br>Was thinking that if we only had a bigger jon boat we could float the double-wides out instead having to take them apart and truck them, and as long as they are willing to take them with 'em, we're willing to send 'em.
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<br>BTW, I believe BW is officially a member of the Federal Aviation Transportation, Alaska Safety Service, and the REDASSES cannot apply because he is already a FATASS! LOL
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<br>(BW... hope you can take a poke... I'm only funnin')

I would like to comment as a "neutral observer":
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<br>Not caring about scratching the paint was super funny!!

i have heard that people who drink lite beer do not actually like the taste of beer, they just like to pee alot. gimme an address and i will send you the best beer in the world, a.k.a. Shiner Bock.

Ok BW that little JohnRude 2 might be up to the repair if you used good duct tape not that imported stuff. Are them hoseclamps OMC approved or just some leftover exhaust bellows clamps? If you did rob them from your exhaust bellows you would surley qualify for Red Neck status at least here on the Sound.OOOPS that would be mental giant status, the boys down south would not like a northwesterner gettin into their act
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<br>Bullwnkl.

Duct tape and beer, what the hell else does a redneck need to fix a boat motor? VERY Classy- KT28