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Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 17,491
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
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That was funny before you even got to the funny part!
Sometimes, the air you 'let in'matters less than the air you 'let out'.
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Joined: Sep 2002
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Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Sep 2002
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Dud you have no idea how much I can relate to that whole story. Hilarious ,we 're not related are we? LOL
I Kill Things......deal with it..
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Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 21,699 Likes: 3
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 21,699 Likes: 3 |
What a funny thread! Thank ya'll for posting your stories.
"The number one problem with America is, a whole lot of people need shot, and nobody is shooting them." -Master Chief Hershel Davis
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Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 3,473 Likes: 1
Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Dec 2007
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Loved it. Sitting here laughing my ass off and wifey asked what was going on. Passed her the laptop and she lost it shortly after she started reading.
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Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 3,612
Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Sep 2007
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That happened to my cousin and me when we were about 12-13 years old, he was the guilty party though. We were watching some kind of a movie in church and he had to let loose. Unfortunately for him he picked probably the only quiet part of the movie, it was totally silent when he let 'er rip. We were second row from the front, to this day I can remember the two people sitting in front of us turning around in horror completely disgusted. Of course the jerk tried to blame me but we all knew it was him. My dad always sat in the back of the church and he clearly heard it and thought it was quite funny too.
Ah yes good memories, I may need to phone my cousin soon and remind him of the incident........
Last edited by gerrygoat; 12/25/14.
Gerry.
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Campfire Member
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Nothen like a church creeper
Lakeland,Fl.
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Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
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Actually I just remembered I got my cousin back a number of years later, I was sick and had the most awful gas and a little bit slipped out, it hit him and he sniffed twice and then was swaying around a lot. I waited an appropriate amount of time and then went to the bathroom
Gerry.
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Joined: May 2004
Posts: 56,166 Likes: 14
Campfire Kahuna
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Campfire Kahuna
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 56,166 Likes: 14 |
Call 911 for me please. Ribs broke, gut muscles torn...howl in'!
I am..........disturbed.
Concerning the difference between man and the jackass: some observers hold that there isn't any. But this wrongs the jackass. -Twain
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Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 69,279 Likes: 14
Campfire Kahuna
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Campfire Kahuna
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 69,279 Likes: 14 |
"Allways speak the truth and you will never have to remember what you said before..." Sam Houston Texans, "We say Grace, We Say Mam, If You Don't Like it, We Don't Give a Damn!"
~Molɔ̀ːn Labé Skýla~
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Joined: Jan 2010
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Campfire Member
Joined: Jan 2010
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Oh boy! This is a funny thread! Some good humor. My guts are aching. Nothin' like a few "farting in church" stories!
If there isn't a gun range in heaven, then I'm going to hell!
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Joined: Nov 2014
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New Member
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New Member
Joined: Nov 2014
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Great read,funny story
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Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 15,551
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 15,551 |
Thanks for sharing. I'm in tears.
"I Birn Quhil I Se" MacLeod of Lewis I Burn While I See Hold Fast MacLeod of Harris
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Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
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My friend Scott and I went to Easter service at his church with his mother. The congregation was larger than normal so they had a bunch of metal fold out chairs spread out and Scotts mom made us sit in 2 of them up front so we didn't slip out the back to go outside and play. Scott wasn't thrilled with being caged in like that and about halfway through the service he starts giggling and nudging me. He whispered "watch this" and he grabbed the sides of the metal chair and sucked his ass down to it as tight as he could and he let one go. It was the single loudest fart I have ever heard and it was in a quiet church...on easter.... I will never forget his mom Caroline having him by both ears and jerking his ass outside. People were laughing and and all in all it was hilarious
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Posts: 5,335
Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Jul 2005
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Not in church, but when I was a kid we used to go see my older sis in Tallahassee (we lived in upstate SC) and I would lay across the back seat with a shirt over my face and nap. I often layed out incredibly bad, lecherous, dank SBD's, and layed there like I was asleep. My parents would say "Oh my goodness, what IS that???" My dad would usually say something like 'Man, must be a paper mill or something...Phew it's getting worse, we must be getting closer to one!" Wasn't until about the third trip down that they figgered out there ain't no paper mills in middle Georgia.................
Psalm 19:14-May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer. _ Humble servant of Jesus Christ. Living His plan and praying to show it in name, word, body, and light.
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Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 21,850 Likes: 4
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 21,850 Likes: 4 |
Thats funny we have a papermill nearby. When we go by and it stinks we always blame one of my daughters. They are getting smart and now blame me.
Parents who say they have good kids..Usually don't!
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Posts: 28,411
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 28,411 |
My dad leaned over to adjust the kneeler behind a pew and ripped a loud one accidently. Just popped out. He then said "BOY", jerked me up by one arm, took me outside, lit him up a Marlboro smoke and told me to go play on the playground until the service was over.
The degree of my privacy is no business of yours.
What we've learned from history is that we haven't learned from it.
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Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,246 |
Molɔ̀ːn Labé Grandpa:the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Dad:son you have 2 choices for supper eat or don't eat.
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Campfire 'Bwana
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Campfire 'Bwana
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 38,901 Likes: 6 |
I've told this before, but it is a great story.
We had an old cat who liked to sleep on his back behind the couch, propped up by it on one side and the wall on the other.
Cat loved raw liver, but it created horrible smells when passing through said cat.
One Saturday night, Dad struck it rich when going through the butcher's scrap box (remember things like that?) and found a load of liver that had been in the case too long and thrown out.
Brought liver home for cat.
Cat consumed liver with gusto.
We move to the next evening when the folks had people over for coffee following church.
Living room filled with people enjoying conversation and coffee.
Cat sleeping peacefully behind couch, presence unknown to assembled multitude.
Green cloud begins to envelop room and its occupants.
Everyone pretending to not notice the gas attack, all the while wondering who it is that is responsible.
Finally, Dad puts two and two together and comes up with cat.
Dad stalks over to end of couch, extracts cat from place of repose, opens front door, slings cat into outer darkness, and returns to his seat and coffee.
Converation resumes throughout room as though nothing happened.
Not a real member - just an ordinary guy who appreciates being able to hang around and say something once in awhile.
Happily Trapped In the Past (Thanks, Joe)
Not only a less than minimally educated person, but stupid and out of touch as well.
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