This is difficult so bear with me. I have always thoroughly enjoyed this forum. We all come from many walks of life but have appreciated input from others even when maybe we didn't agree. I read much more than I post as some of the responses on here can be scathing. The outdoors has always been a way of life for me to cope with whatever had me on the fence. I introduced the kids to the outdoors and they loved to hunt with me as well as ride 4-wheelers, fish, hike, camp, etc.

My 15-year old son was the core of my happiness as well as my daughter who is younger than him. I've always done things for the family as opposed to chasing a career and putting family aside. We had purchased a farm a couple years ago so that my wife and I could enjoy the outdoors with the kids and have a place just to get away from city life and a corporate job. However, my son had been battling depression for the past year. We did everything a parent knew to do at the time. When COVID came about, we took off to the farm and I worked remotely there as the offices were closed and we were just trying to stay safe. This was both a blessing and a curse for us as we'd later find out.

Fast forward to late May as this was when my world turned upside down. My son had been telling me he was sad but couldn't articulate why. This was a theme that was coming up every few months. I had a pep talk with him that evening telling him how much I loved him and how we'll get through the tough times. Little did I know how deep the message was that he was telling me. He was also telling me that kids were messing with him on social media. I didn't understand at the time to what degree as he minimized issues bothering him and wouldn't open up to his mother and I. Later that evening, my 15 year old son took his own life in front of me in the yard of the farm while I begged him not to do that.

I cannot begin to tell you the stages of grief I have and am going through. The images of that night and the OODA loop have cycled in my mind a billion+ times. I'm so lost and empty without my main man as I called him. Everything I've done was based around having a boy and a girl as a child. He has taken all enjoyment from me including hunting and shooting as well as the labor of love of the farm. My daughter won't open up and was there that night but was on the back side of the house when it occurred. She saw her brother laying there by the driveway when the in-laws came up and ushered her out of there. No words can express the heartache and emptiness I feel. It's hard for me to think that I will have to endure this the rest of my life. So many could of, should of, would of going through my head. Counselors have expressed not to feel guilt....I understand it was his decision but my job as a Dad was to protect him and I failed.

I bring all of this up as it seems like daily, I'm reading about suicides in the news...My son was absolutely cyber-bullied by two individuals (minors) for months. One kid told him the Friday before exactly what my son should do to end his life and my son followed it to a tee.....The kid continued on berating him online even after his death. He knew he was dead based on what other kids in the community posted online. Have we risen this low in society that this is the new normal?

For those of you that have lost loves one to suicide, I feel your pain and know what you're going through. It's hard to understand unless you've been here which I didn't in the past. For those with loved ones battling depression, take what they say seriously and understand what you think/feel is at a healthy rational level and they are not at the same place as you. I didn't understand that until it was too late. I thought telling him I was there and loved him would help him through it. I was ignorant. I've read the Good Guys suicide thread and there are some uninformed posts there. It's such a complicated topic and we as humans DO NOT understand the human mind. I'll forever miss the great times with my bud and will miss so much being a father of a son.....I'm so lost.

Thanks for reading and prayers are appreciated.

So sorry to hear this, it's not much, May our Lord Jesus grant you, and family strength, and healing.

Prayers sent and my condolences

May his memory be a blessing to you and may you have peace and comfort as you deal with this unspeakable tragedy.

Words can't express it.....hurts my heart to even read it.

devnull;
I am so sorry to read of this sir.

Truly words fail me.

As a fellow father, please know you and yours are in my thoughts and prayers.

Dwayne

I can't even begin to imagine how you feel. All I can do is offer thoughts and prayers for you and your family. Try to look forward to each new day and find some small bit of beauty and/or happiness in it.

May GOD be with you and your son and may you be together again after this race is done. God bless you and yours. So sorry to hear of this.

Can't imagine the pain you are experiencing. Prayers for healing and peace.

Paul

Words are hard to come by. My sincerest condolences for your tragic loss.

Very sorry to read this... I wish I could make the pain go away. Prayers are being sent.

I am so sorry for you and your family. I cannot imagine how the depth of sorrow that comes with this and words are difficult to express the sympathy and support we wish for you and your family.

Devnull: Prayers for you and your family sent - I can not imagine your pain.
I do hope some of my strength and condolences will be upon you.
You need to stay strong and as calm as you can for your family - they need you.
I just wish this had NOT happened and that there was something more I could do for you and your family.
I also pray that your sons soul is now at peace.
I have three sons - I count my blessings every day.
Hold into the wind
VarmintGuy

Man, I don’t know what to say other than it must have took a lot of courage for you to write that. I don’t know that I could have. About all I know to say is to just hang in there and remember the good memories, and focus on them. I’ll pray that things get better for you.

I likely would have lost my son but for our chocolate lab.

That’s a tragic loss for you, your family or anyone. My condolences, may you find peace.

I read your post, what a horrible tragedy for you and your family. You all have my prayers.

Perhaps your post can help another family out there somewhere. May God give you all peace and comfort during this difficult time.

So sorry for your loss. My prayers go out to you and your family

Prayers for you and family.

Words of condolences fail.
Prayers for you and yours during this tragedy, devnull.

Praying for you and your family.

I can only imagine the pain you feel and I am sure my imagination falls extremely short. So sorry for your loss. No parent should ever have to go thru this. I only hope karma visits those young men who bullied your Son.

This ^^^^ in spades.

When you think of it, if you haven't already, you may wish to pass the information about the cyber bullying on to the authorities.

My sincerest condolences to you and your family.

Remember, he has just gone around the bend.

THE PATH BEYOND THE BEND

Have you ever walked along a path
And looked ahead of you
To where the road turned suddenly
And seemed lost awhile from view?

Think of your dear one living still
Where the road goes on without end
It is only WE who do not see
The path beyond the bend



From a greeting card
Victoria II by Amberly
150SW8058T1
Amberly Gretting Card Co
Cincin OH 45249-1695
Barcode# 77527 00030

My God. I don't know what to say. I'm so sorry.

I've had a lot of suicides around my life from the time I was a teen. Family members, friends, roommates. It was a burden I carried for a long time. I have had to make my peace with it in my own way. Now my son, age 10 makes suicide jokes and offhand comments referring to it from time to time. I don't know why. A part of me fears that he will go down that dark road. I can't imagine how horrific it must be. I wish I could say something to make it something beside what it is. Just know that my heart goes out to you.

Damn, just damn!

First i cannot imagine what you are going through and may you and your family get through this. Second i would find that kid that did this to your boy and beat him with a 2x4. Then find his dad beat him with a crow bar and plead insanity.

You're not lost, you have you, your wife and your daughter.

I can't comprehend what you went through, but you didn't go through it alone and a lot of other people are depending on you.

Godspeed.

I don at know what to say. It does hurt my heart to read this. My condolences. I will be praying for you and your family. May God be with yall.

11 years this saturday for me... I always think I should have words of comfort... there are none.

Peace, for those left behind... amen...

Kent

No words for tragedies like this. I can't even imagine what your son went through, or what the people who loved him are going through now. My prayers are literally all I have to offer.

Can’t imagine what you and your family are going through. Know that you will see your son again and remember all the good times you shared.
It’s a shame cyber bullying these days! These little punks sit behind a computer or phone and destroy lives when they themselves are the cowards who would never have the guts to say anything Like that in person. I know there have been criminal charges filed against people for cyber bullying in the past and I hope it continues to happen. If you so choose I would recommend at least contacting someone about the 2 individuals that were doing the bullying.

My heart breaks for you and your family. Prayers sent.

I am so sad to read this, there are no answers for Your questions. May Your Son rest easy, and may You and Your Loved One's always feel him reaching back, into Your lives.

Prayers for healing and comfort.

George

You have my sympathy... I had no clue this crap could happen... Wow.. I never raised any kids, but have hundreds I taught in school.. This is so sad..

Our hearts go out to you my friend. There is nothing, NOTHING, more horrible than a death of ones child.
It it our hope that you can get through this troubling time. MTG

So sorry for you. His pain is gone. Take care of the rest of your family. Ed k

Nothing can be said or done to ease your pain and burden, only time will lessen the hurt, it will never fade completely away.

Stay strong for the rest of the family.

Oh my goodness! What a tough one.

I don't have the words, but know that my heart aches for your family.

Guy

🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

So sorry to hear this. I can't imagine the pain you and your family has. Prayers and condolences sent.

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.....

Thoughts and prayers to you and your family. Damn

I'm afraid that's where I would wind up.... seeking retribution.

Man I am so sorry, these times are hard and so much harder for teenagers. I worry about my own every hour of every day.

And yes the authorities need to know about the online issues. Kids and even most adults are so tied up in the online world that they loose touch with reality.

Sorry to hear of this tragedy and praying for you and your family . May God give you strength .

That’s rough. Prayers for you and your family.

I can’t imagine and I am so sorry. Prayers coming your way.

You are a member of a forum that has people
that behave in the same way those online minors
did..and those that have minors in their households,
are setting an example to follow.

Some of the members who are sending you prayers
have told people to Glock themselves and expressed
desire to see people dead and mock dead people.

May the lord bless you and your family, prayers coming.

For the life of me sir I can not express my sorrow for you and your entire family. So sorry for your loss.

Deep sympathy. The pain will dull but never go away. PLEASE take special care of your self, daughter, wife, and any cousins, friends. This will affect them all.

I too think you need to reach out to authorities.

🙏🙏🙏

So, So sorry.....................

Sir, I am so very sorry for your loss.

Sorry to hear of this. So difficult to read without tears rolling down. Will be praying for you and your family.
Kenny

So sorry! My sincere condolences!

That is God awful. No one should ever have to experience that. Every problem that I’ve ever had...every heartache, every disappointment, every difficulty, every bad experience, etc...., pales in comparison to that.

Praying for You and Your's in this very sad time.

Don't words for can't even imagine your pain, but you should go after the ones who were bullying online. there was a girl recently sentenced to prison for this very thing, she kept telling the boy to kill himself till he did.

Barely could I make it through your post - your loss is beyond comprehension and that experience unimaginable. Even with all of the grief and loss, you have expressed yourself so well - and beautifully on behalf of your son. I hope that is an indication that you are finding yourself able to cope with this tragedy and move forward well with your family. My prayer is that such is the case.

I have been where you are
Mine was a stepson, but --
My condolences to you and yours

You never get used to it-- you learn to live with it--

^^^^ This! Cant even imagine being in the shoes of the OP. Please take any assistance that you or your family members may need to even in a small way help you cope with this tragedy.

There are no words.

Prayers sent.

I am so incredibly sorry to hear this news. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. I can’t imagine it.

My wife is a grief counselor. Please consider finding one for you and your family. What you all are dealing with is terrible and it might truly help.

You sound like an awesome Dad by the way. Try not to hold on to any guilt about what happened.

Sorry for your loss.

So very sorry for your terrible loss. Hang in there for your family, that's the most important thing right now.

Prayers for you sir I have a 13 yr old son

I am so sorry to hear of this tragedy in your family. May God wrap his arms around you and your family and provide comfort.

Terrible news. So sorry for your loss.

So very sorry. Prayers for you and yours sir.

What a tragedy.....

I hope everyone takes heed reading this especially parents.

Very sorry for the loss and pain you and family are going through. Many things are hard to understand through life.

I’m so sorry for your loss. I cannot fathom the pain you and your family are experiencing. There are no words .......

Prayers sent. RIP.

OMG I can't even imagine your sadness! Bless you and your family. I don't know what else to say other than to say that I'll say a prayer for you.

I live for my kids and love them more than I do myself. Try to stay strong.

I don't have any words that will help your pain and for that I'm truly sorry. I can't imagine having to go through this, I am praying you and your family will eventually find peace.

May he rest in peace, and find the comfort he could not recognize here....My heart goes out to your entire family,

Even with these few carefully chosen words, Make no mistake,

I cant even begin to feel or understand the pain and emptiness in your life right now.

think of him during the good times, the smiles, the laughs, the memories you shared,

It won't be near enough, but possibly provide a few moments of peace....

Stand Tall, just please, continue to stand Tall.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.



Just remember,
you as a man are responsible to do your best for your family.
Things happen beyond our control, and we just have to accept that.

You have a wife and a daughter that need your strength more than ever.
Helping them, will help you.

I agree. I had a friend’s wife who was psychiatrist tell me at a neighborhood BBQ when my daughters were in their early teens that a lot of her practice was dealing with kids who get “injured” by online issues via social media. My kids were there when she recommended that I not allow them on social media until they were old enough and mature enough to deal with the impacts of social media.

devnull, I was where you are about five and and half years ago.

I have no real words of wisdom, am still processing my own loss, and assume that I always will be.

We have an epidemic of despair among young people in this country and we are "treating" it with the holy water of that good old "river in Egypt"--denial.

"Mental health" is simply HEALTH, and should be as much of a priority for everyone, not something to deny, scorn, or blame, as we have done all my life.

A dead American kid is just as dead from suicide as a dead American kid from a Taliban IED, and we need to spend as much concern--and resources--on the one as on the other.

We put such a high priority--and pay such a high price tag--on "national security" while virtually ignoring just how insecure many of us obviously are.

My thoughts and prayers are indeed with you. But we need to get past that and start doing something. As a nation. It's not a problem for some one group--it's national.

Mike Armstrong aka Mesa

Flagstaff has posted the most helpful comment so far.

You're telling us you know on social media your kid was hammered by these clods? Honestly, they need to feel some pain and their parents need to be aware as well. Even cyber-acts should have consequences. I understand cyber bullying is nothing like the real thing, but when I was bullied and pushed around, my folks knew about it and helped me deal with it myself.

I'd be all over any option I had to at least let the bullying kids know they "helped" and to make sure everyone ELSE knows they "helped."

Hang in there, Devnull. I've lost some dear friends, thankfully not family, and while the pain never fully fades, and the questions are never answered, there are lessons to be learned -- and taught.

Very sorry to hear this... my condolences to you and your family...

That was extremely tough to read. I feel very badly for you and your family. You will always be his father and he will always be your son. Parted only temporarily. The rest of your family needs you more than ever. Just as much as you need them. May God Bless you all.

Bob

^ ^ ^

Prayers for strength and healing from here

Prayers for his soul, and for you and your families healing through this tragedy.

+1. So sad and sorry to hear about this devnull. I pray for peace and comfort for you guys.

Out of respect for the OP I won't respond to this drivel, I'd sure like to tho but I'll bite my tongue.

I'll say a few extra prayers for you devnull. I can't imagine what you're going thru.

I am very sorry to hear of this. I have a fifteen year old boy myself. Also, a daughter. I can only imagine the pain. Prayers sent. Hang in there.

IMHO you did not fail as a parent.

Bad things can happen to good people.

Not trying to be cliche about it either.

So sorry for loss. Prayers are sent.

I agree. Nothing more to add, 'cept prayers.

Just lost my mom and going through grief, can’t imagine loosing my boy like that. I’m Speechless brother, so sorry for your loss

You are not alone in carrying the weight of this burden. My heartfelt condolences to you.

I'm so sorry for your loss!

I can’t even begin to express how sorry I am that you had to go through that. I wish you and your family peace, comfort and healing...

this says it better than i could......hope you and your family can find some piece......bob

I'm terribly sorry. I lost my son to suicide 10 years ago. It's a terrible thing for a parent to go through.

I am so very sorry. I am at a loss for words. Hugs brother.

I can’t imagine, I’m truly sorry for your loss.

Deepest condolences for your family.

I am so sorry for your loss. May God be with you and your family.

You have my prayers and condolences. Now you need to take care of yourself and the rest of your family. Understand and accept that you need professional help every bit as much for mental and emotional health as you do for a broken bone. Don't e afraid to go after it if you haven't already.

Pray that strength and guidance be bestowed upon you and your family .
Kenneth

I am so sorry to hear of this. There are no words that can truly comfort, and even time itself can only ease the pain! Unless someone has experienced what you have, they cannot fully understand the unbelievable pain and the thousands of times you will relive the weeks prior......asking what you could have done differently. I can only pray that through God you may have the strength to carry on and face each new day! Do not concern yourself with those that make cruel comments, as they are either completely ignorant, have never experienced this in their lives or have no soul.....perhaps a combination of the three! memtb

SOMEDAY WE’LL UNDERSTAND

Not now, but in the coming years,
It may be in the better land;
We’ll read the meaning of our tears
And there someday we’ll understand.

We’ll catch the broken thread again
And finish what we here began;
Heaven will the mystery explain,
And then, ah then, we’ll understand.

We’ll know why clouds instead of sun
Were over many a cherished plan’
Why song was ceased when scarce began
‘Tis there someday we’ll understand.

Why what we long for most of all
Eludes so oft our eager hand;
Why hopes are crushed and castles fall,
Up there someday we’ll understand.

God knows the way, He holds the key,
He guides us with unerring hand;
Someday with tearless eyes we’ll see
And there, up there, we’ll understand.

Then trust in God thro’ all thy days,
Fear not for He doth hold they hand;
Tho’ dark thy way, still sing and praise
Someday, someday, we’ll understand.

- Author Unknown



Grief is the last act of love
we have to give to those we
loved. Where there is deep
grief, there was great love.

- Blowing Kisses to heaven



Sir, may God hold and comfort your family during this nightmarish ordeal. You didn’t contemplate your son becoming your family’s Guardian Angel in heaven, but he’s there watching over you guys now. Though your time here with him was short, fifteen years is still a whole lot of time of sweet cherished memories all of you made together, and you’ll make more with him, because he’ll always be in your heart.

And one day, one day, you’ll all make memories together again, for eternity.

From a book I read, “Everyone grieves differently. Don’t let anyone ever tell any of you how you are supposed to grieve”.

The hurt will always be there. The hard part is finding some way to live with it. Cherishing those memories, and letting them put a smile back on your face after you learn to live again, is how it’s done.

Take your family outside tonight, and look up into the heavens. Those aren’t stars…those are hugs from your son, being sent down to you guys.

Man, I don’t have any words to say. All I got to offer are my prayers and sympathy.
God loves you, as he loves your son. He can heal all wounds. You’ll be reunited. Until then be strong. He’ll never test you above what you can bare.
I wish I had something else, but rest assured I’ll be praying for you and your family.
7mm

First: phuuck social media.

I really don't know what to say except I'm so sorry and you have my thoughts from NH.

My boy is 15..............your story hurt tremendously to read.

George

You are doing right by taking about your loss. I lost a GF/Companion who died by suicide,. As a result of lack of resources a Suicide Survivors Group was started at the local Hospice. Based on my experience it is a good thing to have a support group, That survivors group was made up of people whose loved one's had taken their own lives. It sure helped me. Hope you can find support like this in your community. I kinda go along with the comments here on self-blame.

I reckon I'm more angry at what I just read than anything. How does this happen...

I so sorry !!!

I can only imagine how you feel. I lost a friend the same way, but not a SON! Your in my prayers you and your family!

I should have added this isn't God's plan or design

God loves us and doesn't send disaster down upon
us even though He could

We're all human and fallible

My sister’s learning-disabled son took his own life after an incident at school. My sister brought him home and talked to him a good while, then she went outside to tend some stock and he hung himself.

A student at school, well liked, popular, good family, walked home from lunch one day and shot himself. No explanation, one knows why. There have been others

We cannot see what goes in someone else’s mind, Sir if you had only known you would have done anything to stop it, we all would.

I can only think if these kids only knew the devastation they inflicted upon those that loved them they never would have done it.

I am so sorry for your loss.

UNimagable - UNimaginable - UNcomprehendable ! ! ! !

All the thoughts and prayers others have offered with mine.

I can’t express my emptiness of words.

God is greater, God has the strength you need, God has the peace you need.

May God be WITH all your family and his friends.

To the OP. I lost my mom to suicide, but damn I have no words for what you are going through. Be there for your daughter. Get some help for you. Good luck and God bless.

devnull, lost my son in his forties. can't imagine the pain you are feeling right now. just know it is not your fault. things will get better with time. remember the good times.

Good god, so sorry man.

My condolences on the loss of your son, it ain't fair by any stretch.

Prayers for you and your family, may God bless an keep them safe.

As the father of two I can't imagine the pain and grief of your loss. May the good Lord watch over you and your family.
More needs to be said but I just can't find the words. God bless.

My deepest condolences.

Prayers sent for you sir, and your family.

So sorry to hear this terrible news. I can’t fathom losing one of my kid. Take care of yourself and family.

Thank you all for the kind words. We are attending counseling sessions which help but are not a panacea. As to the kids cyber-bullying my son, we have met with law enforcement as well as the DA to determine if there is a case to be made. Parents, friends and teachers in the community contacted my wife and I immediately after his death and sent us the videos the individual had posted. I didn't bring this up in the original post but with race relations where they are, you can imagine how political the issue is when the DA is elected and the two individual minors are black and my son is white. I don't want to make this a race issue as the bigger issue is with social media and how it's poisoning our youth. However, the facts are the facts and getting anyone to hear me out has been an uphill battle at best.

Also, one of you mentioned your dog (Lab?) preventing your child from performing something similar? Our dog (border collie) was in a crate that evening. I firmly believe had she been out and running after him like she so often does, it could have possibly made him think twice. Our son would throw a tennis ball with a lacrosse stick every evening with the dog. He always talked about loving the dog. The dog looks for him every evening around that time to throw the ball. She misses him too...

When I was in high school I lost a good friend to suicide and it ate me for years. I did bounce back. Have lost other friends since. Cannot imagine losing a son.

I would address your complaint about the bullies with authorities. They should be held accountable. Or else they will do it again.

May God's love and peace rain down on you and your family in abundance. I have no other words, just tears.

As others have said this was extremely difficult to read, and my heart goes out to you, my oldest brother went thru something very similar and God has really helped him and his family get thru the hard times, I pray that God will be with you thru your healing process!

Will be praying for you and your family !

I can’t even fathom, so so sorry for your loss.

devnull,

Your loss is beyond comprehension for me even though I have two sons of my own 11& 16. I even stumbled through a prayer for you and your family as simply asking for peace doesn’t seem adequate or possible. Hopefully the courage you had to share your story will touch some of us and make us be more involved parents or simply try to be better people in general. I for one am going to have a talk with my sons about the dangers of social media as well as mental health. You don’t appear to be a vengeful person but I hope for the sake of your son and anyone else potentially impacted by their actions; the kids that tormented your boy are punished as fully as possible and have their eyes opened to the evil they put out into the world.

Regards,

Stros’

I'm in tears reading this. I'm just so, so sorry

Being angry doesn't help at all. Good God man, say a prayer!

Prayers sent

Internet bullying among middle school and high school kids is a much bigger problem than most of us realize. Lots of it here, but most adults handle it a lot better than kids do.

I'm so sorry, I cannot imagine how you're dealing with this.

Ditto Mike, I can't imagine. God bless you Devnull.

Damn.

Can't even imagine that kind of loss, prayers for you and your family.

Good God. No other words.

Nothing I can add that hasn't already been said. Prayers sent from the father of two, 16 & 14 year olds.

I am so sorry to read this news. I just found out today a good friend of mine lost his son the same way this weekend. My heart breaks for you, your family, and all of our youth/families who are struggling with these issues. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

I can not imagine what you are going through. I am praying for you and your family.

Can not imagine...was afraid for my son during his late teens.....got through that.....I thank God he is still
with us today...lots of suicide in friends and family.....my prayers go out to you and your family.

I am so sorry for your loss, sounds like a wonderful family you have, you are all in my thoughts and prayers.

Can't, don't want to, imagine......God bless and God speed.

I can’t imagine what you and your family are going through. Will be praying for you.

Praying for you and your family.

Had a young man very close to me do this a couple years ago...

There isn't enough bandwidth to go over all the emotions this causes...

You have my deepest sympathy.

Damn social media is the devil to young people. I am so sorry for your loss.

Prayers with you...i have no words

devnull, it's obvious you're a good man and a good father. May God give you strength to continue being a good father and husband.

so sorry for your loss. prayers sent.

By sharing this as you have, you may have saved a life.

Thanks for educating us all, and may God bless you with peace, even as you grieve.


Tim

So very sorry.

Sorry about your loss.
Your second post is revealing.
2 black kids against a white kid online tied in with what has been transpiring across the nation.
IMO. It has alot to do with emboldened crap blacks have been pulling.
Their needs to be a price those 2 have to pay from getting cred and satisfaction in their minds that led to your sons intimidation and taking his own life.

79S and Jackmountain hit on it......

I hope this doesn't seem as off to you me posting my opinon.
But those black kids caused it and think nothing of it.
To them it is a notch in their belt in conjunction with the riots nationwide in their minds.
JMO.


Time will heal your families pain.
Sorry about your boy.

My wife and I just bowed our heads and said a prayer for you and yours and asked God for continued guidance for our raising our teens. No words can express our condolences.

Make no mistake, this is a crime and if your DA won't go after it, I'd be so far up the state's ass they'd be begging me for relief.

Nothing I can say to take away your pain, but I’m sorry and feel for you.

Rev 21:4

And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.

Very sorry for your loss. Prayers sent.

Just saw this. I have no words. Prayers sent. May God grant you and your family peace and strength.

Devnull,

I’m sorry. Don’t even know what more to say than that. We’ll be praying for you and your family out here and reading Psalm 23 with the kids tonight with you in our hearts.

If you can, point the police towards the online stuff that went on. I know nothing about the law with regards to these matters, but regardless of what the law says, a path towards closure for you goes through those bullies in some fashion.

God bless.

Heartbreaking, I am very sorry for your loss.

Depression is a horrible, invisible, debilitating disease. It's not your fault. I hope your heart is able to heal with time.

Devnull, I am very sorry to hear of the tragic death of your son and your profound loss. There is no accounting for the angst in a young person's mind that causes him or her to take such a drastic and final action. Do not blame yourself.

May your son rest in peace and may you and your family get through your loss and sadness.

L.W.

Words fail me. Condolences Devnull.

So sorry for your loss.

No words seem enough at times like this.

I just saw this post and read it to my wife. We are both heartbroken.

We are praying tonight for you and your family.

God bless,

--Duck911

You and your family have my deepest sympathy and prayers.

Peace, Strength and the Grace of God be with you and yours in this time of sorrow. I would encourage you and the family to consider attending some sort of 'Grief group' through a church or other civic organization. Not necessarily right away and probably not even all you going at the same time but consider it.

I attended one at my church after my wife passed away from natural causes. It was very helpful to me just to know that I wasn't the only one out there whose emotions were like a giant bowl of spaghetti and that what I was feeling was not unusual. I even eventually helped to lead later groups.

At one of our groups, there was a mother and daughter. They had lost a daughter/sister to a drug OD. Their responses to the loss of the same person were quite different. Even though it was the same person they lost, the relationship was different. Please keep that in mind as you and the rest of your family move forward with your own lives.

Feel free to contact me if you want,

Dale

May our God comfort you and your family. My wife and I pray for your entire family and truly believe your son’s soul is is with our God and will await a grand reunion one day! Until that day I pray you and your family find great love and support from one another. God bless you sir.

My heart breaks for you and your family. May God ease this over time. God be with you all

devnull,

Very sorry about your son.





Travis

^

These situations are often very complex and some things just can’t be explained. I am so so sorry that you and your family are experiencing this devastating loss. As a good Dad, you will certainly fulfill your role within the family unit. You all need each other right now! Our family will be praying for yours tonight. The good Lord will bless you and your family once again, as he has in the past.

My heart goes out to you and your family.

I'm so sorry to hear of your family's tragic loss. I'll pray that God provides comfort for you and your family and peace everlasting for your son.

devnull
With tears I read your post. How deeply I feel for you and your family. 1974 our 6yr old daughter was killed crossing the road in front of our home. We know that deep horrible grief of loosing a child. Your situation is far different, far more profound and far more difficult than ours and impossible to fully grasp. My deepest condolences. Man! I hurt for you.
Began praying for you and your family as I began reading this and will continue.
Jim

Heart goes out to you and your family.

Any words I could write... would fail.

I will instead ask God to hold you and your family well until you can walk again... however long it takes for that day to arrive.

With great sympathy, Leonard

Talk to your son each night in your prayers. He will hear you. You can talk about all the things you will do together for eternity in Heaven. Take care of, and enjoy and love your earthly family until that day. Then, you will all be together again.

I am very sorry for your loss. We lost our only son in an accident 15 years ago at age 20. It has and is devastating to loose a child. If it wasn't for our beliefs and help from god, I don't know if I could have made it this long.
We are praying for you and your family. God bless you.

Just write stuff out... write it out as you feel it, reread it, write some more, edit it, write and edit, keep writing to yourself.

You will never be the person you were before, you are someone else now, you need to learn who that is.

My daughter wrote...

When you lose a parent you lost the past
When you lose a spouse you lost the present
When you lose a child you lost the future
When you lose a sibling you lost all three

Keep your daughter close.

Kent

I do not have the words to express my feelings of pain and remorse I feel for you and your family right now. It's said that time heals all wounds and I hope that in time you will find a way to deal with your loss. My deepest condolences to you and your family. May God bless you and keep you. Prayers to you and your family in your time of grief.

Sorry for your loss Dev.
God Bless your family during this time.

I am so sorry to hear this and know from my own experiences it is incredibly painful, I hope you find the internal strength to cope with this tragic loss and keep your daughter and wife close.

I can't imagine what you and your family are going through devnull. I can only pray for your healing and that you feel God's love. I am so sorry for your loss. God Bless.

Dev,

I just can't come up with the words to express the sadness of loss.

I’m truly sorry for your loss

Wow. I am so sorry to hear this. My prayers go out to you and yours. I know this isn't a thread to share my gripes; but, this occurs too often. Social media is the worse thing to ever come from our technological advance. May your son forever rest in peace.

I maintain almost daily contact with my son. I think I'll call him and remind him that I love him.

My heart hurts for you and your family. I’m kind of disappointed that it took reading this for me to give my kid a big hug and tell her how much she means to me. Sometimes I let the little things in life get in the way of what’s really important. Thank you for sharing and snapping me out of it.

I am very sorry for your loss. I can't even begin to imagine.

The horror of horrors. There cannot be anything worse than losing a child. May God bless you and yours. I wish there was something that could be said, but there is nothing even fathomable to overcome the grief. Put your trust in God. May He be with you....

Bullies used to be the few kids tough and mean enough. Now you just have to be mean and there are SO MANY mean people out there.

For his tormentors, their day will come where they will have to atone. They’ve sowed the devil’s seeds and they will REAP it.

Devnull, I’ll be praying for you and your family tonight. My heart is broken for you and whatever you are feeling isn’t wrong. Don’t stop fighting. God bless you and your family.

I can’t begin to fathom your loss. I’m so sorry. I wish you and your family all the peace in the world. I’m so sorry.

Prayers for you, your family and your community!

Hope the abusers see the light at some point before it happens to someone else's family.

Mike

I'm praying for you and your family. May the Lord comfort, heal, and strengthen you.
Dave

no words ! god be with you and yours! we will keep you and your family in our family prayers.

I'm so sorry. That brought me to tears to read.

My 8 year old son, my oldest, has recently started saying he feels sad and nervous and acts out and threatens to end it when he's really upset. Most days he's happy and doing great but we got him right into counseling.

He's supper smart and very high IQ and it turns out this social isolation the last few months is really bothering him. He's also incredibly worried about the virus and political stuff going on. He picks up bits when I'm watching the news but doesn't know how to express it. I've been letting him help me do emergency planning and we've allowed him to watch YouTube about how the immune system works. I'm hoping feeling prepared and understanding how small the threats are will reduce his stress. It seems to be helping but I'm concerned he's showing some signs of depression so early.

Depression is such a scary and dangerous thing. So hard to understand from a non depressed angle. Bullying is also incredibly hard to take as a parent. We've dealt with some of that too.

I will be praying for you and your family. The only thing I can say is that I know families are eternal and I know he's with a loving God now and you will see him again.

Bb

A tragic loss indeed. Remember though, you still have two family members needing your love and help more than ever. Prayers for all,

I’m so sorry and am a loss of words

I have a son and a daughter and I weep for you and your family.

I wish I could do something for y’all

Praying for you and your family sir.

I’m so sorry for your loss.

I can’t imagine what you guys are going through. The level people get twisted and turned on social media defies all logic. My sincere condolences and prayers for you and yours.

A prayer for you is all I can offer. God will bless your son. I hope the very best for your family.

Never hesitate to speak or type, it may help ease the pain in time. We will listen.

Osky

I’m sorry to hear of the loss of your son, I’m glad you go to hunt with him not all sons go with their dads.
All I can say is keep breathing, and give yourselves time.

God bless, and you are all in our prayers.

Spot

Almost all of us here grew up in a time with no computers, no cell phones, no Internet, no video games, no social media and maybe had 3 channels of TV if you were lucky. We had to rely on basic human interaction, hard work, personal responsibility, respect and civility to pretty much achieve success in life. Our brains and core values developed under those conditions. Now we have all this technology but are brains are still significantly wired based on how we developed.

Unfortunately, the last couple generations grew up surrounded by all this technology and electronic input into their brains. Our input was from parents, teachers, coaches, preachers etc. Most of their input is from social media, Hollywood, a corrupt education system etc. The wrong people are controlling a significant amount of the messages going into their developing minds. And much of that messaging is approved propaganda of some very evil political scum with an agenda.

I talk smack sometimes online but the lack of civility is truly astonishing. People type things that come from the darkest parts of the human reptilian brain, that they would never ever say to a man's face. All from the comfort of a chair behind a keyboard and mouse. Think of some of the most disgusting things you've seen online and remember that today's kids have been around that most of their lives. Even if parents try to just let kids grow up and filter most of the garbage, there's still cell phones or their friend's cell phones.

We have the experience and ability to dive in the online swamp and know what's complete garbage because we've seen otherwise. Most kids are living in the matrix, fabricated by professional manipulators and they don't even know it. The value of hard work, respect, civility, critical thinking, and self worth are sadly lost to many today.

Damn.

What a deal. Very sorry.


Let me know if we can do something.

A parents worst fear.

Hug your family close tonight. And every night.

Liberalism and 'lectronics making a very toxic environment for today's youth.

You can tell them the truth, show them the way..........may reduce the risk, but it never removes it.

Shame kids can't just be worried about kid stuff.

Prayers sent for you and yours,i truly hope these filthy animals that caused this are brought to justice.

I just dont have the words to respond in a manner that this post deserves. It hurts to read and the pain you feel comes through in your writing. Concentrate on your family and make sure to take care of yourself. Keeps seeing someone to talk to, I think it is important to be able to work through your feelings.Prayers for you and your family. I hope you find that you have many great friends who will help you through this.

I’m not a praying man, but I prayed for you and your family, and for all the others that have gone through tragedies themselves, yet are here offering support themselves.

You are a good man, a good husband, a good father to your son and daughter. Hold them close, hold them as close as you can bear, and may God hold you even closer.

May the good Lord be with you and family.

Remember the good times, don't deny the grief. You will take both with you to the end. Continue to appreciate God's blessings including the beauty of each day. We all get there someday, some take longer than others. My sincere pain at your loss, and his loss too. Best wishes.

Ive been trying to say this as coherently as this for a while now, well done.

I can’t even imagine.
I’m so sorry for your loss.

I am so sorry. I can't begin to imagine what you are going through.

So very painful to read this.

May God give you and yours peace.

Deepest sympathy for your son, you and your family.

Short version-

Social media is the devil for young people today.

No words to even begin to cover your pain. May the Lord bless your family in your hearts in this time of sorrow.

(Soapbox) Satan enters our homes and families in many seemingly innocuous ways. The computer has evolved into his favorite tool to wreck lives. I would not pretend to know how to thwart his evil other than to never let younguns have computers.

Brother I love you with the love of Jesus. Sometimes it seeems even a love that large is insufficient. I have prayed for you and yours and will continue to do so because that's all I know to do. May you somehow find peace in this most dreadful of circumstances thru Jesus Christ our Savior.

I got misty eyed relaying a story about my Grandpa and then I read your post and it's even worse.

I'm so sorry for your loss. All I can think of to say is that you and your family have my deepest condolences and prayers for healing.

That is too tragic to even comprehend. I can't even imagine.

Hang in there man.

Can’t imagine the level of pain and don’t know how I’d find that kind of strength to manage it somewhat. My thoughts are with you and your family. Sincerely

My son confided to my wife and I when he was 18 that he had been suicidal since elementary school, when he was a Junior another kid at the small high school he attended took his own life. my son was very angry about that and looking back I think it was because he felt like if he did that after that everyone would think he was a copy cat. He's 22 years old now and doing pretty good but it's still in the back of our minds. When he told us that is when my wife and I started praying together before bed every night, our relationship with the Lord has grown immensely in these last 4 years and when you get right down to it I guess that's what this life is all about.
Prayers are sent and I am so sorry.

The joy has gone from life, the innocence, though you didn't think of it as innocence before. No joy in holidays, just sad reminders. Their death day replaces their birthday. One eye is looking forward as one eye is looking back, you can't get anywhere like that and there's really no place to go now anyway. You never get over it, time doesn't lessen it, the pain doesn't dull, it doesn't get better just different... possessions don't mean anything, money doesn't mean anything, only thing matters is relationships... life is now about the wait...

Kent

Yeah wrap your kids in cotton wool and hide
them away from the world.

I was raised in a catholic environment where Priests
used to sooth people by saying God just called the
deceased early... Now I'm hearing the devil did it
through a computer..., someone else said God didn't
cause it to happen, but surely he saw it coming?

Some youngsters die through drugs, others
hang themselves or shoot themselves with
their dads gun..or crash family car over a cliff,
so NEVER let kids have access to guns, car keys,
computers or the medicine and alcohol cabinet
that way they will be "safe".

I'm not into big social media networks, but cant
you easily block people who give you a hard time?
and be part of your own select private group?
the other option is stay away from it if you cant
handle it.

This is not the thread for your idiocy. Get lost you dickhead!

THE OP made a lengthy opening
now you are saying we can't discuss
the things mentioned by him or what
others have said ?

You want to control and decide things?



You probably don't sound much different
to those minors who bullied his son.

Words fail me, you have my deepest sympathy. Stay strong.

Devnull, you have my deepest sympathies and will be in my prayers. A few months ago my cousin called me unexpectedly to tell me a very similar story about his son who took his own life in the house.

God bless you and yours.

Prayers to your family

A parent should never have to bury their child. I am so sad to hear this, my deepest condolences.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

devnull, I'm so sorry and so sad to be reading this today. I really have no words - I'm just shocked.. I pray you and your family will be able to get through this somehow..

Sorry for your loss.

dave

A close friend and co-worker had this experience several years ago. Same age. I couldn’t wrap my head around it then as I can’t now.

Despite that experience, 10 minutes of a blinking cursor is evidence that I cannot come up with the words to express the sadness that I feel for you.

Trying to make sense of it will never provide the intended result. One day at a time, brother. Your family needs you. God bless you and yours in this troubled time.


Respectfully,
Ray F.

So sorry for your loss. Prayers

This is what we need to understand. We need to spend real thought on understanding the root of the despair. It's cultural.

It's not just social media. There is a culture being driven into young minds. It's a culture of death. Smartphones with high speed access to a rotten culture accelerate this.

Sincerely you have my deepest sympathy, may God grant you the extra strength for each day.. if i may, please don't do that to yourself. You're attempting to rationalize a distorted thought process. You sound like a wonderful man, don't fault yourself for not being a mind reader.

So sorry for your loss - it's all I can think to say right now.

Sorry for your loss. May the lord provide peace and healing for the family.

No words, but prayers

As a father, I am heartbroken and I weep with you. My wife and I lost twin sons who were stillborn. I don't have the length of time and memories like you have with your son, but I have never hurt so bad in my life. My grandmother told me when my uncle passed that she had lost two husbands, but nothing hurt more than losing her child. She was right. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Had a similar experience last year. There is no way to wrap your mind around it and find closure. My condolences.

Praying here, and will continue to do so........

I can't imagine for a second what you and your wife are going through. The pain has to be immense. Words escape me. I am not a very religious person but today I pray there is a god and he helps you and your family through this.

There are no words to describe how sorry I am for you loss
I suffered from depression my entire life from childhood to now 67 years old. I understand the pain and sorrow that comes with it. Prayers to you.

My deepest condolences.

this is too common, and too tragic. a friend of mine lost his (grown) son the same way. PTSD from his service.

I'm sorry for your loss. let others help you through this tough time, and be prepared to help others when they face the same challenges.

My Father took his own life 18 years ago. While not the same, I know your pain. May God lift you and your family up......I have no words....

This is the worst of the worst. My father taught me that grief shared is grief diminished. My prayer is that through this thread it may be so, for you and yours.

Amen and Godspeed.

This.
Praying for you and your family.

'Sorry for your loss.

You can't attempt to fix a problem that you're unaware of and it doesn't sound like your son was sharing the cyber bullying with you, if that was the reason that he killed himself.

You and your family have my deepest condolences. I can't begin to know how you feel at this time, but let me commend you for having the courage it took to post this. Internalizing your grief can only be harmful to your own physical, mental, spiritual and emotional health. You will need that same strength in the days ahead for your wife, your daughter, and yourself.

I am sorry. Here is what you need to do, if you have not already:

1) Take action. Safe those social media topics and make them available to police. Reason: It will do you good. You may save another child and you will help making society better.

2) Set your sails. Be there for your daughter and your wife. They need you. Give all you can - understand it may not be enough. Reason: It will help you find self worth and at the same time protect you. Coping with regret is much worth that accepting.

3) Allow yourself to grieve.

Your son is not with you anymore, but you have not truely lost your son. PM, if you like to talk.

My heart goes out to you sir, no words can help but do know I will pray and I hope your family can eventually find peace. God bless.

And suddenly all my troubles seem so very, very small.

I so wish I had words to comfort you to help you start to recover. But I can think of nothing that will assuage your pain 😢


But I will pray to the almighty to do so.


I’m so very, very sorry for your loss & what you’ve been through. God bless you & yours sir. Hard to type w watery eyes.

So sorry. No words other than focus on those around you.

Truth.

I am just heartbroken for you and your family, prayers.

Starman,
I want to respond here as you make a good point about keeping the bad things away from kids. I wanted my kids to have the same experiences as other kids in society. That meant in our case, having a "smart" phone. However, we as stewards and mentors of our kids do not realize what the current environmentals are doing to our kids. I work in the cyber security industry and have for the last 19 years. I'm aware of how technology works and how corporate networks are being targeted, etc. However, I didn't have any ideas as to how kids were interacting with technology (and with each other) as I didn't and don't buy into social media. I saw my son one day rolling through his phone tapping the screen...This went on for 30 minutes. I asked him what he was doing and he proceeds to tell me that he has to continue the streaks on SnapChat. Bottom line is that these companies are finding way to keep the kids engaged in screen time and to have "followers" so that a user base for the platform is built. Social media companies are also clever enough to remove any forensic evidence or metadata after a user views a chat/video. This alone propagates the ability for cyber bullying to occur. Also remember, time is of the essence in collecting any of these logs as evidence.

Where does that leave me as a parent? We, in our infinite wisdom (pun here), try to limit his access and time on the phone. My son figures out how we're filtering and he then finds a way around it by re-writing his MAC address on the device or gets on another local, open hotspot.There were times where we felt taking the phone away was a means to protect him. However, he was in a school system where attendance was taken by the phone. Classrooms were administered through the use of the phones by having kids answer questions via the "smart" phone. Now, we're in a situation where he's having a hard time in the classroom due to us taking the phone.....Environmental demands here tell us this isn't sustainable. So, to answer your question, it's not black and white on being able to block access when content is deleted after being viewed. Staying away if you can't handle isn't an option either as there were legitimate demands for the technology. It's a vicious cycle that we've put ourselves in here. At the end of the day, my son made a decision....Keeping him away may not have changed his decision.

In the future, we'll look back on this time regarding technology and society's exposure and think of it as an absolute train wreck. My son told me some time back I had no idea what he was exposed to compared to when I was his age. Wrongfully, I didn't believe him originally but I do now. I tried to get the kids outdoors and to expose them to the simpler pleasures in life. However, the dopamine rush from social media wouldn't let them slow down and enjoy it like we did as youngsters.


Anyway, thank you all for the condolences and kind words. They are comforting if there is such a thing right now. It's helped me to write this post. There are some on here that I've reached out to that have walked down this road years back. I appreciate the knowledge and wisdom imparted as they went through the process.

Good God. Please accept my deepest sympathies and condolences to you and your family. I cannot possibly imagine what you are experiencing at this moment. I pray that God's Mercy be upon you and your family. I am truly sorry your boy could not be reached. While it is of little good to hear and read now I firmly believe as a Christian that the Lord has a plan and there is a reason for everything although in our limited human ability we are unable to see a larger design during our short lifetimes. I encourage your to latch ever tighter onto God for both you and your family, especially your daughter, during this time and pray that His tenderness and love brings you through this together. You are always welcome to PM me if you wish to speak further. May God Bless you, your family, and your son.

"In the future, we'll look back on this time regarding technology and society's exposure and think of it as an absolute train wreck."

The Iphone causes all kinds of damage to society. We are going to wish that they had never been invented.

Very informative. Thank you, and God bless you and your family.

devnull,

I do wish you the best in your dealings with the DA/police there. It's certainly going to be tough given the politics of the issue as you mentioned.

I don't know, but if the law enforcement agencies turn out to be no help to that aspect of your situation, might a call/email to some press establishments be in order?

Once again, my sincerest and heartfelt condolences to you and yours.

Just to show how evil our culture has become ... Every parent should listen to the song "Bury a Friend" by Billie Eilish. Ignore the beat and LISTEN TO THE WORDS. Your kids do. She has over 31 million subscribers. That song alone has 356 million views!!!

I can't even begin to fathom the mental pain and anguish you are going through. I pray that you can find peace and be released from reliving that memory.

There are no words that can express enough sorrow for the loss of a child.

Devnull Sorry for your loss. Prayers for you and your family.

Theres nothing wrong with such technology in
the classroom, work/business and private life.
Mobile PEDs also allow people to be out and about
doing the simple healthy pastimes and pleasures
you talk of while carrying a useful helpful device
for sensible reasons.
PEDs offer a lot of practical efficiency and I see
society using them responsibly in such manner. Individuals just need to decide/ manage how and
why they employ their device.
The introduction of the idiot box TV did
far worse by keeping people glued to
the lounge chair and brainwashed.

PEDs are almost a compulsory tool of the
advancing world and learning at schools
or running a business without such would
be foolish/ a distinct disadvantage.
But a learning or business tool application
is not the same as just 'hanging out' on
social media coz it's hip or cool...there are
people that have responsibilities and busy
constructive lives who don't have time
to waste on social media, but will still take
advantage of such to keep in contact with
family and good friends. If used in a smart
way, PEDs and social media can and do
improve one's success and quality of life.

Anyone who don't like technology and all
the 'evils' it brings, can sell their car and
computer and go live with the Amish.

People who take their lives young or old or just
abuse their lives, can be a complex issue as to
why they do, and the ignorance some display
regarding who or what is to blame, doesnt do
anything to solve the problem.

We have so far avoided smart phones and social media for our kids....and will continue to avoid them.


A terrible reminder for sure.

My sincerest condolences for your tragic loss. I can not imagine the pain.......

I'm 61 with three sons and it made me cry reading what you just went thru........... I can't imagine having the strength to continue on.

My prayers are with you and just remember you did all you could, all any normal caring dad would, could do.

I am so sorry to hear this news. Prayers on the way.

Public school w lib teachers/ admins and A hole students is bad enough. Modern tech just makes it tougher.

Bad people leverage whatever they can.

My kids out of school and this crap was bad back then.
I think it has gotten way worse

All I can do Sir is offer Prayers of strength and comfort to you and your family.

Preach...!

Resist, resist, at all costs resist, all the way though high school.

I honestly dont believe there is a safe dose when it comes to children and social media.

"Unsafe at any speed."

I just drove today for 80 miles on interstates to look at an ultralight airplane with my brother.
We saw four or five instances of people getting really stupid, in the left lane on I 40 doing 55 in a 65 zone etc. In every case, the driver, usually a young female, was texting on an Iphone. Using an Iphone while driving is more dangerous than drunk driving.

We met with the guy selling the ultralight, he was limping a little. Six weeks ago, he was stopped at a stop light in Cullowhee NC, on his BMW motorcycle, a gal rear ended him and totalled his bike. She was doing 35 and never even hit the brakes.
She was texting on the Iphone.

He told me he "suffered a fracture of the 10th thoracic vertebra."

I am an old paramedic. I said, "You mean, you have a broken back. Why are you still breathing air?"

The Iphone is the new religion. It is a monster. I hate Iphones.

We had a pretty good country 15 years ago and the Iphone had not been invented.

I’m very sorry, this is a tragety. I have Two friends whose 15 year old sons did the same, they never saw it coming, none of the kid’s friends saw it coming.
I saw their degrees of suffering, I have an idea of what your family will now endure, and I’m very sorry. Sometimes life is just so damned cruel.
I’ll never forget one of them looking me in the eyes, tears filling his, “I just want him back, I just want another chance”. I teared up too, what could I say to him, but “I’m so sorry this happened”.

Again, that is all I can say, I’m so sorry this happened.

Sometimes there isnt a reason.

Just seemed like the thing to do at the time.

I got to the scene before the parents on a suicide call.

We always want there to be a reason.

devnull,

Damn, damn, damn.
I'm so very sorry for your loss.

Please go easy on yourself.

I’m sorry for you and your family’s loss OP.