Two desires at the opposite ends of the spectrum. Kind of like asking for a sports car that can also tow a 30' travel trailer.
I look at a plinking load as primarily being inexpensive to load with low recoil. This typically is a lead round nose bullet or maybe a semi wadcutter with a lower powder charge. Not something overly desired for self defense but works well punching paper, knocking over cans, or throwing up dust.
A self defense load would not spare cost as a primary objective but it would pack more velocity and recoil than something for plinking. I prefer a 158 gr lead hollow point semi wadcutter pushed as fast as I can go as that is most likely to give the penetration needed for this use. If the bullet expands along the way is a bonus provided it does not detract from adequate penetration.
I have used jacketed bullets in 4" and longer barreled guns but they have been somewhat inconsistent in terminal performance which I feel negates their higher cost. I do have them in defensive loadings but they are not my first choice most of the time. The jacketed bullets do have some advantages but not necessarily in actual use, in my opinion.
