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Joined: May 2004
Posts: 56,174 Likes: 16
Campfire Kahuna
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OP
Campfire Kahuna
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 56,174 Likes: 16 |
Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes or shark attacks.
So watch your Ass.
I am..........disturbed.
Concerning the difference between man and the jackass: some observers hold that there isn't any. But this wrongs the jackass. -Twain
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Joined: May 2004
Posts: 56,174 Likes: 16
Campfire Kahuna
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OP
Campfire Kahuna
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 56,174 Likes: 16 |
Stanley died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best deer hunting friends, Cooter and Gomer. The three men had always hunted and fished together and were long time members of a hunting camp. Cooter arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet, Cooter said, 'Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over.' The mortician rolled him over and Cooter said, 'Nope, it ain't Stanley .' The mortician thought this was rather strange, so he brought Gomer in to confirm the identity of the body. Gomer looked at the body and said, 'Yup, he's pretty well burnt up, Roll him over.' The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, 'No, it ain't Stanley .' The mortician asked, 'How can you tell?' Gomer said, 'Well, Stanley had two azzholes.'' ''What! He had two azz-holes?'' asked the mortician. ''Yup, we never seen 'em, but everybody used to say: 'There's Stanley with them two azzholes.' '' Cooter and Gomer are both now employed in the Biden administration as planning, development, and strategy consultants.
I am..........disturbed.
Concerning the difference between man and the jackass: some observers hold that there isn't any. But this wrongs the jackass. -Twain
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Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 69,337 Likes: 19
Campfire Kahuna
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Campfire Kahuna
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 69,337 Likes: 19 |
"Allways speak the truth and you will never have to remember what you said before..." Sam Houston Texans, "We say Grace, We Say Mam, If You Don't Like it, We Don't Give a Damn!"
~Molɔ̀ːn Labé Skýla~
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Joined: Jun 2016
Posts: 9,657 Likes: 3
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Jun 2016
Posts: 9,657 Likes: 3 |
Stanley died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best deer hunting friends, Cooter and Gomer. The three men had always hunted and fished together and were long time members of a hunting camp. Cooter arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet, Cooter said, 'Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over.' The mortician rolled him over and Cooter said, 'Nope, it ain't Stanley .' The mortician thought this was rather strange, so he brought Gomer in to confirm the identity of the body. Gomer looked at the body and said, 'Yup, he's pretty well burnt up, Roll him over.' The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, 'No, it ain't Stanley .' The mortician asked, 'How can you tell?' Gomer said, 'Well, Stanley had two azzholes.'' ''What! He had two azz-holes?'' asked the mortician. ''Yup, we never seen 'em, but everybody used to say: 'There's Stanley with them two azzholes.' '' Cooter and Gomer are both now employed in the Biden administration as planning, development, and strategy consultants.
Bravo!
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Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 10,736 Likes: 1
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 10,736 Likes: 1 |
Funny and sad at the same time,cuz you know it's true.
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 17,077 Likes: 1
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 17,077 Likes: 1 |
Cooter and Gomer went to the auction and bought two pigs, took them home and put them in the pigsty.
Cooter said,' how will we know which is who's?'
Gomer jumps in and takes his knife, cuts the tail off one... there, that's mine.
That night the pigs got in a big fight and when Cooter and Gomer checked them in the morning, neither pig had a tail.
Cooter say's 'cripes' what will we do now.
Gomer jumps in with his knife and cuts the ear off one... mine.
That night same thing, pigs got in a huge row. Cooter and Gomer check them in the morning, neither had any ears.
'Damn Gomer what are we to do.'
Gomer looks at the pigs, finally say's...
'You take the black one and I'll take the white...'
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 39,301
Campfire 'Bwana
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Campfire 'Bwana
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 39,301 |
The first time I shot myself in the head...
Meniere's Sucks Big Time!!!
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Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 9,196 Likes: 1
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 9,196 Likes: 1 |
I have a neighbor across the road with donkeys. The loudest most obnoxious MFers you could imagine. Braying all hours of the night. I despise the rotten things.
Proud NRA Life Member
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Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 4,647 Likes: 3
Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 4,647 Likes: 3 |
"The Ballpark burgers were free, why not eat them?" - Wabi-
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Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 13,141 Likes: 9
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 13,141 Likes: 9 |
I have a neighbor across the fence that owns several donkeys. When I am waiting on hogs to show up on my bait at night the donkeys start braying when hogs are moving in. If I hear them start up it is time to get ready to shoot. The lady offered to give me some of the donkeys but I told her free was too expensive.
Patriotism (and religion) is the last refuge of a scoundrel.
Jesus: "Take heed that no man deceive you."
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Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 16,272 Likes: 1
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 16,272 Likes: 1 |
LOL. Great joke and what perfect timing! Always loved me some Andy Kaufman.
Epstein didn't kill himself.
"Play Cinnamon Girl you Sonuvabitch!"
Biden didn't win the election.
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Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 9,397
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 9,397 |
I gave my g kids adopted burros for Christmas, my son and DIL are still plotting revenge.
mike r
Don't wish it were easier Wish you were better
Stab them in the taint, you can't put a tourniquet on that. Craig Douglas ECQC
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Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 10,111 Likes: 3
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 10,111 Likes: 3 |
I was expecting something about AOC.
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Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 19,100 Likes: 3
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 19,100 Likes: 3 |
Those Mountain Canaries are music to my ears
Last edited by saddlesore; 06/02/21.
If God wanted you to walk and carry things on your back, He would not have invented stirrups and pack saddles
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Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 13,141 Likes: 9
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 13,141 Likes: 9 |
I gave my g kids adopted burros for Christmas, my son and DIL are still plotting revenge.mike r Did you buy life insurance on them? Our parents bought us a fully functional (uncut) jackass when we were kids. All he wanted to do was bray, and do his best to kill us when we tried to ride him. The best cowboy around came to straighten him out for us and get him rebroke to ride. He was a big strong black man and good with training unruly horses. He got on that donkey and it was a rodeo. He took Monroe down in the woods and threw him off into a locust thorn tree. After that Rusty was never ridden again.
Patriotism (and religion) is the last refuge of a scoundrel.
Jesus: "Take heed that no man deceive you."
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 17,077 Likes: 1
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 17,077 Likes: 1 |
When I was 5, my dad's friend Sherman had a donkey out in our pasture. Dad would throw me on that donkey, no halter, bridle, saddle... just grab on and try to stay on.
It was the meanest SOB, if it wasn't trying to bite you off it'd buck and if that didn't work, try and rub you off on the barbed wire fence, I hated that donkey.
In his last years, Sherman still had a horse at dad's, he passed a few years ago, but went over every day to ride in the winter, spent his summers in Utah... I'd remind him of his mean donkey and he'd just laugh, remembering me riding that bastard as a tyke.
Kent
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Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 9,397
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 9,397 |
I gave my g kids adopted burros for Christmas, my son and DIL are still plotting revenge.mike r Did you buy life insurance on them? Our parents bought us a fully functional (uncut) jackass when we were kids. All he wanted to do was bray, and do his best to kill us when we tried to ride him. The best cowboy around came to straighten him out for us and get him rebroke to ride. He was a big strong black man and good with training unruly horses. He got on that donkey and it was a rodeo. He took Monroe down in the woods and threw him off into a locust thorn tree. After that Rusty was never ridden again. Nope, just staked them out on the front lawn at 0600 hrs on Christmas morning with a blue or pink ribbon with the G kids names on them. Getting into a gated community w/ your buddy's horse trailer is not easy but is doable. Ringing the doorbell continuously for 2 minutes was worth it. mike r
Don't wish it were easier Wish you were better
Stab them in the taint, you can't put a tourniquet on that. Craig Douglas ECQC
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Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 45,283 Likes: 22
Campfire 'Bwana
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Campfire 'Bwana
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 45,283 Likes: 22 |
Mike,
come north a bit and take a couple of horses off the Devil's Garden for them grandkids when they're done with the donkeys.
Word is, they make great companions if you manage to get young ones!
The desert is a true treasure for him who seeks refuge from men and the evil of men. In it is contentment In it is death and all you seek (Quoted from "The Bleeding of the Stone" Ibrahim Al-Koni)
member of the cabal of dysfunctional squirrels?
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Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 21,888 Likes: 6
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 21,888 Likes: 6 |
Breed stock guy I worked for got one to break headstrong snowstorm.
Bring those yearnings in to get ready to show, some just wouldn't give in to the halter and lead rope. Got drug around quite a bit.
So Billy gets this donkey, and we tie a calf twice his size on. Dam cow had no choice. Donkey just walked around, the calf either walked or got drug.
Then one Friday a couple guys forgot to in hook a calf. Donkeys don't need the water a struggling cow does. I think it was Sunday when they found the donkey, dragging a nice, dead, young Simmental heifer.
Parents who say they have good kids..Usually don't!
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 69,443 Likes: 14
Campfire Kahuna
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Campfire Kahuna
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 69,443 Likes: 14 |
I gave my g kids adopted burros for Christmas, my son and DIL are still plotting revenge.mike r Did you buy life insurance on them? Our parents bought us a fully functional (uncut) jackass when we were kids. All he wanted to do was bray, and do his best to kill us when we tried to ride him. The best cowboy around came to straighten him out for us and get him rebroke to ride. He was a big strong black man and good with training unruly horses. He got on that donkey and it was a rodeo. He took Monroe down in the woods and threw him off into a locust thorn tree. After that Rusty was never ridden again. Maybe if Dad had gone to the expense of having him gelded the results would have been far different. Those jacks are randy critters that can benefit from a hormone reduction.
“In a time of deceit telling the truth is a revolutionary act.” ― George Orwell
It's not over when you lose. It's over when you quit.
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