Home Forums Hunting & Shooting Hunter's Campfire Suicide - feeling hollow

I'm sorry for your loss. Damn shame

After my head injury I got a glimpse of the types of despair that can lead folks to suicide. I’m wired “happy”, just got lucky that way. But not then. That was a rough year+ and really gave me empathy for folks struggling with mental health and PTSD.

During my run as a recording studio owner/engineer I had a client kill himself. I still wonder if there’s anything I did, or said, or could’ve done differently. Recording an ambitious project is a huge endeavor and when done right, leaves the artist very exposed emotionally. It’s like giving birth. There’s a very vulnerable part to the whole thing. Aargh. Hurts even thinking about it, 20 years later. Ben was his name. Awww, Ben… why?

I hope in the fullness of time the OP can fill the hollow spot with friends and family and, well, love. It’s going to be a process. Best wishes.

LMAO

I was 20 when my brother took his life. It was a long time before I stopped "what-iffing" things.

Depression isn't always the triggering factor in suicide but it is the most common one.

I read a little bit about depression. I talked to people about their depression. I tried to come to an understanding of it. I think the best way for people who don't understand depression to try to understand it is to do this. Think back on the darkest days or moments of your life. Maybe a loved one passed away. Maybe you got fired from a job. Maybe you got cheated on and dumped by someone you loved. The way you felt in those torturous days or moments is every day for those suffering depression. They cannot quiet their minds. They cannot will themselves into peace or serenity or acceptance. They feel hopeless. They cannot escape the abyss.

While you were in your darkest moments, there was nothing anyone could do or say to make the hurt or the unease go away. While you appreciated their concern in an academic sense, their words rang hollow. It's nigh impossible to make a life changing difference to the depressed an suicidal. If you suspect they are suicidal, intervene, but we rarely know when others are thinking of ending it.

don't worry everybody can tell you had a brain injury..

I don't believe it you actually wrote something very good..

Hahahahaha!

These are the toughest threads for me to read. My heart breaks for your friend to think of the all-consuming-pain that he was silently dealing with and the hopelessness that caused him to end it all….so sad! My heart also aches for those that loved him and cared about him and are now left wondering…..wondering what they could’ve done (likely nothing) and wondering why he didn’t see all the reasons he had to live (he likely did)…..

I’ll be praying for you all and for your friend’s eternal peace!

I’ll leave your experience with giving birth for a different discussion….

I’m sure that if you are 1/10th as annoying in person as you are online that you ARE the sole reason your client killed himself and that YOU are directly responsible for his death. I don’t even want to think about how many people have read your drivel and decided that enough is enough and that based on your partisan bullshit and stupid assessments that this country is a foregone conclusion and ended it like your client.

I’ll be looking forward to your experience giving birth but I just don’t have the patience today.

Thanks guys for the kind words, thoughts and prayers. I have no answers other than what efw said --- perhaps if the family had cut him some slack this would not have occurred.

I really believe that the brother and sister feel no remorse - had they this would not have happened. Predators exist and in this case by BIL needed to walk away as he could not handle the situation. Unfortuantely the way out for him has made it much more difficult for many.

Personally I am fine and will provide the support that I can while also looking for signs that my sister may be headed down the same path.

All the best to all of you and especially those that have had the same experience in their past.

Haha!

Atta guy!

DAMN!! Well said!

Sorry to hear that.
Your sister needs some support big time.

Had to be something really messed up in your BIL,s head per those siblings of his to do what he did...
They sound like a couple of pieces of work from your brief outline of the situation.
Probably $$$ stuff and inheritance stuff

Just speculation...
But we all know how $$$ and inheritance brings out the worst in family

Living in Wyoming , this is a way larger problem here than people want to except. I volunteer for The Suicide Prevention Coalition here and have know too much about how it effects everyone involved. You Sir have my sincere prayers for your Whole family. The stress of life does seem to effect people differently. I tend to thrive on unrealistic expectations , My wife gets overwhelmed by the smallest tasks. Looking for early signs is key to all of this and being willing to help the person is a deep personal commitment. With all I know of this my wife is currently in a facility to get meds straighten out and to get a grip on what is and what is not in her control. Family issues are a major contributer to this.

I have known 4 people who took their own lives in my lifetime. As I grow older, I choose to remember the good times we had rather than dwell on the decisions that they made.

Sorry for your loss. May God be with you and your family in your time of loss.

Dang that’s was well put, and I think of some comfort to those who have lost people they cared about. Suicide struck my family too and it might be hardest on those left behind.

Really sorry to hear about your BIL. Everyone carries thoughts in their heads, some good and some bad. I've been between a rock and hard place most of my adult life. I love my life enough to stay here but live a life of discontent, stuck. My mind is always going 1000mph and if I don't do positive things, it does negative things but a person can only stay so busy. It's the reason that I drowned myself in drug addiction when I was a young adult. I'm glad to be out of that mess but sure do miss a quiet mind, wondering if this is as good as it gets until my body gives up someday.

🙏🙏🙏

God bless YOU for your service to those in need! I find few things more admirable and honorable than those that give freely of themselves in service to others!

I like the series Yellowstone and I find myself able to identify with a lot of the dialogue but one particular scene hit me hard and made an indelible impression on me because I think there’s a lot of truth in it. It’s the episode where Jamie is distraught and he takes the lever action Winchester and sets off to kill himself but his dad, Kevin Costner, finds him and sits down to talk Jamie out of shooting himself. During the conversation John Dutton (Costner) says, the thing about suicide is that your entire life and everything that you’ve done is boiled down to how you left. The only thing people will remember about you is that you killed yourself…..I’m paraphrasing and probably poorly but there is some truth in it.

I don’t subscribe to the notion that it’s a selfish act. I’m sure there are times it’s a selfish act but most times I don’t think selfishness has anything to do with it and it’s just a simpleton’s thoughtless answer that takes no mental dexterity to arrive at. The despair and pain can be overwhelming and it does NOT feel temporary, it feels permanent and all encompassing with no chance of ever escaping or getting better…only worse, harder and more painful. Suicide to some feels like they’re doing their loved ones a favor, “they’ll get over the pain soon and be free of the burden I’m causing forever”. They’re wrong because we never get over them and they each take a little piece of us when they choose that but the darkness hides the truth. My heart aches for those suffering from that level of pain and suffering, ESPECIALLY our veterans! I wish that as a society we dealt with suicide and mental illness in a more compassionate and a more effective way rather than the way we ignore it now or pretend like we’re offering them “services” when the reality is that it’s treated more to assuage society’s guilt than to treat the individual in need. Some individuals need intensive care and treatment but they’re walking around untreated and deeply sick. Sorry for my tangent.