Home Forums Hunting & Shooting Hunter's Campfire Need to vent on generational wealth

Need to vent guys
So 57 here no kids of my own. I was adopted have nothing to do with my adopted sibling or her kids. Never will.
Found out who my birth family was and have some nieces there but to be honest only connecting with the youngest and they are ok on money.
My wife has a daughter who has made some lets say not choices her mother and I agree with in relation to her partner. It’s a girl who wants to be a guy. I mean a tit cut off job, testosterone etc. and to boot a worthless piece of welfare. Won’t keep a job and now says she applying for permanent disability even though the only thing wrong is her mental state.
So the disagreement is this. My wife does want to pass money on to her daughter. I’m having a big issue with this because I don’t want this piece of crap to live off of what I have worked my ass off to acquire. Our estimated net when we pass will be over $1 million.
What’s some options to do ? I’m sure if I die first my wife will give it all to the child. If she dies first I’ll give some but what about the rest? What are some options to do? I’ve thought a lot about my church
Thanks for letting me vent this is keeping me awake

Give the daughter whatever she will OD on.............

Surefire way to mess up an already messed up financially-strapped person is to shower them with money or an inheritance. That is an absolute truth.

You have to have a heart-to-heart with the wife. Be easier if you could find a good option for your $ before sitting down with her.

Tell your wife to do whatever she wants with the money she earned and you do the same….. for your share, give it to gun owners of America or rmef, etc??? My opinion on churches ain’t same as yours so I will keep it to myself but whatever makes you happy.

if i outlived her, the fruitcake daughter living in that lifestyle wouldn't get a dime. I would leave at all to my church.

Get a will, leave your half to a charity of your choice or individuals you feel deserving. It is easy to change your will when you change your mind.

I'm a little leery of leaving large sums to churches - seems that they mostly spend such monies on themselves. I would lean to some charity that you feel/find devotes a high percentage of gifts to actually performing good services; St. Jude's Children's Hospital and Shriners' Hospital seem good to me. If you have contact with any young people that you feel are worthy of investment (neighbor's, kids of friends, etc.) help with post-high school education/training are an option. Just my thoughts.

I need to clarify that I am only speaking to the situation in question. For ourselves, we intend to live comfortably and leave whatever remains to our son, who we not only love, but who has demonstrated that any such funds will be handled responsibly.

Seek out a worthwhile charity that aligns with your values and will be t to them. If that is your church, then great! You could divide it up among several. You’d only hurt the daughter by willing it to her judging by your description.

You could always set up a scholarship endowment. There are many good options.

That’s where I’m at
I’ve also drawn up a will that states if the stepdaughter marries a real man and he is stable has a job then it goes to them
Until then it is set up in a trust (mainly to make sure my adopted sibling and her kids can’t try to steal it)that has rules such as random drug testing for both and get so much money every 5 years but if fail drug test it’s done
This was the first compromise my wife and I came up with, but the bigger question sti is what to do with it
No to most charities as they are a joke and no the the gun or nra
Have some friends with kids that are close to us but then they aren’t hurting for money either
This is the struggle what do to with it

You are 57. Spend it. Enjoy it.

Why not spend some on yourselves? Go on a safari, buy a camper and travel the country, buy a winter place where it’s warm.

Spend it...or an endowment, donation to something you both believe in (st. Jude or whatever)...

Up to you.

Also, museums..can donate a trust in a lot of ways.

I believe I’d find another use for my money if I was so worried about administering drug tests, who they marry, their jobs etc…

You need to talk with an attorney who specializes in these financial situations they will have contacts. Make sure you hire a shark that hates Gold Diggers.

Nothing against your wife but obviously you two are not on the same page on this and these types of situations can cause the end of marriages as both of you stew on this.

Don't think she might have not already thought about splitting and getting as much as she can to pass on no matter what happens.

I've seen this exact type of this happen several times over the decades in blended families.

Always better to be prepared no matter what happens.

Maybe a donation to whatever schools you and you wife grew up with?

Lots of private schools out there too...

Hardway most excellent suggestion.

^

This is the approach we're taking.

We haven't really inherited much of anything, which is cool because at least my wife and my parents were self sufficient to the end, which is probably one of the best gifts parents can give their kids.

We've only got our son, and between our pensions and SS we really won't need the money I've got in my IRAs, that plus real-estate is fast approaching the $2 mil mark.

So we've had a heart to heart, I'm helping out through his getting his masters. There will be enough money to take care of my wife no matter what, but I'm about to start working off my bucket list while I'm still able to hike etc. So an Elk hunt this year, a plains game safari next year, then another elk hunt etc.

He will inherit something, that's guaranteed. We've got a living trust established so should something happen to both of us, he'll get the remainder when he turns 30. IAW our lawyer, IF he hasn't sorted out priorities by then.. he never will. I'm not worried in the least, pretty bright kid already has a ROTH IRA going and saves some of what he makes.

$1M in trust will generate around $50K in annual interest, which would be a nice scholarship endowment or funding for an endowed chair at the college and department of your choice.

That million will get eaten up with nursing homes and hospital bills.
Enjoy it now, know your wife will be taken care of, but what little will be left won’t be much.

I don’t think he wants to fuel that fire.