Home Forums Hunting & Shooting Hunter's Campfire The Great Texas Coon War!

My trap was sprung twice last night. The dog alerted me at 0300 and I saw the little devil stealing food through the side of the live trap. I loosed the hounds on him but he escaped over the fence. After re-baiting and setting the trap I retired for the night. At dawn I discovered the trap had been sprung again and all the booty had been taken.

The enemy has changed tactics and I fear he has enlisted mercenaries as there was an assault on the tool shed last night by what appears to be a large rat.

As my present conditions prevent the use of powder and ball I am considering the use of chemical weapons.

Might be time to send that sticky live trap off to the company armorer for a little trigger work.

Respectfully,

Cpl. Can Coon
Sole defender,
Northern coon defense outpost

Last night we were attacked by a division of mercenary marsupials. The coons are now in cahoots with the possums and the rats.

Cpl Coon

The invader looks to be in decent shape. Incarcerate him in a chicken coop and feed him on cornbread and milk for a week or two.

You may coerce a roast out of the little bugger.

Gen Cornpone

The enemy is trying to out flank you via the eastern seaboard. Was awakened early this morning by a skirmish in the lower 40. Seems Pvt. Jackal was ambushed while reconnoitering. He decided that discretion was the better part of valor, and retreated due to superior numbers. Was awarded Purple Heart for wounds suffered in battle.

Your Humble Servant,

Major Dick Head

Extend Pvt Jackal our thanks and tell him he is mentioned in dispatches.
Rally to the colors men. The nefarious mudsills are everywhere.

Gen Cornpone.

NORTHERN OUTPOST (MICHIGAN) REPORT:

I dispatched insurgant from recon post in tree behind a friendlies house. I understand cb caps have been effective in other fronts. My findings are that a 3.5 inch 12 gauge shell loaded /w 2.25oz of Heavy T-shot is VERY effective. Especially through jelly-head choke. No information was extracted from insurgant due to being neutralized with extreme prejudice. Also 2 sappers dispatched by friendly sniper w/ Rock River .223. 2 300yd shots to tree line. Also quite effective. One shot one kill policy was honored. Also concur on Marsupial conspiracy. Activity has been high after sundown. Was able to neutralize 2 last week w/ 2003 Peterbilt hauling 70,000 lbs of milk. Again no intelligence was collected due to extreme flattening.

END COMMUNIQUE
Major Woody

CCI .22 short hollow points. Works wonders on possums and 'coons in a Havahart trap. Caught hell from the neighbor for not being "sporting." Next possum was released and shot in a sporting manner, Died in his garage after bleeding all over his flagstone patio. Back to the previous routine. Last capture....a skunk! Let it go. Hopefully wont be back!

Gen Cornpone;

Sir - I have been engaged in this war for months! The thought of killin chickens (without frying in my secret herbs ) is beyond diabotical! Its shameful! Kill tha bastids! My Army of the West Tennessee joins your forces. We are engaging with Walkers, Mt Curs, and Black and Tans. Our speciality is night infiltration and attack vs these nocturnal scoundrals. Kil Coons - Eat more Ky Fried!
Ur Ob Serv
Col Sanders

With great regret, I report that our lines have finally been infiltrated.

Last night in the hay barn the trap nailed the first coon I"ve caught in probably 5 years... twas a teenager but he got a lesson in not coming back before being released to those ugly black birds.

I may well have to shortly do some due diligence in the deer pasture too.

Regards, and back to find another box of super Colibri...

Gen. Cornpone,

Troops were on post last night when War Dogs "Lady" and "Tessa the WonderLab" alerted to intruders.
After a careful stalk it was determined that the intruders were actually four members of the P.O.T.H.S. clan (Possum On The Half-Shell, aka Amaradillos).
The intruders had uprooted a significant area of lawn, which caused your scribe to trip on the uneven terrain in the dark,
Pleased to report that two of the intruders were dispatched with extreme predjudice, while the other two managed their escape.
On a more sobering note, collaborator neighbors gloated over providing food and water to the enemy and that there is a new crop of recruits that have appeared in the past week.

Will continue the good fight.

Your Obedient Servant,

Maj. Malfunction

Dispatch from the front:
To All Troops:

It is noted that the war is widening and our mutual nefarious nemisis is increasing the pressure on our beligured forces.

We shall never surrender or retreat and do pledge ourselves to extracting from the enemy forces a bitter harvest of death.

Especial mention to Major Woody for his skillful use of heavy artillery. Well done. Double shot the guns and give them HELL.

Welcome also to the Army of West Tennessee. It is with thanks and a greatful heart that these gallant warriors along with their auxilaries are welcomed to the seat of war. The Volunteer State lives up to its fame.

Be it long rememberd that this war for the sancity of our homes, our wives our sweethearts, our chickens and our groceries is open to all without reguard to race creed or geographical location. Unless you are a member of the coon, possum, or rat consortium. Fie in the face of PETA and their sordid ilk.

We have identified the enemy as a flea infested, ring tailed masked mudsill without pity or mercy else he is a gray haired naked tailed miscreant or a bucktoothed brigand.

Forward our cause confusion to our enemies.

No quarter asked none granted.

Advance the colors.

Gen Cornpone.

So Major the enemy has enlisted an armored corps to throw into the fray. You see how nefarious they are. Thanks be for your swift and decisive action. Road pizza are defeatable as you have discerned by your swift and gallant action.

Cornpone

ps Don't step in a hole!

General,

I managed to get the battlefield leveled out again and the breach in the wire repaired today.
I have moved one of the traps to inside the wire and have switched bait to confuse the enemy.
Fresh ammo has been placed at strategic points and the battery for the spotlight has been recharged.

I would have never believed that they would have started using armor.
Now I have begun spotting their black winged sentries lurking near the birdfeeders and along the inner perimeter fence. They put up an awful racket when we step outside, alerting their comrades with their incessant cawing.

.17HMR with 20gr VMax seems to subdue them quite a bit.

If you get word from General Confusion, Corporal Punishment, Major Fubar, or Private Parts' sectors, would you pass them on to us in case they have any useful tips?

Death before dishonor!

Maj. Malfunction

I was out numbered last night 3 to one and only killed one of the enemy, they fade into the woods rapidly in the face of fire.

The falling block has served me faithfully for a long time but it would seem the numbers may demand one of them newfangled repeaters forthwith.


Gn'l Neu Sance

In the swamps of Florida

Gen. Neu Sance,

I was also relying on my Savage Mod 74 in .22lr, but after the massed attack of B.A.R.'s the other night, I switched to my Mountie. Seemed more appropriate, some how.

Y'r Ob't Sv't

Maj. Malfunction

Thank you for your kindness Maj. Malfunction, will probably pull out the Winchester lever action repeater for this evenings expected assault. Will also bring the belt pistol for safety reasons.




In the swamps of Florida,
Gn'l Neu Sance

Sad to report I checked the cam after our big fire and just before getting on this plane...evident that some coon families were displaced by said fire. Evidently coon red cross is now located at our protein feeder as pics show up to 9 at a time since fire.....

Well no assault for a few days, they must be dodging the rain.

Did lose another avian trooper in the night though, Sterling the Rooster was reduced to a pile of feathers. I shall seek to punish the interlopers if it is the last thing I do, by all that is Holy!



In the swamps of Florida,
Gn'l Neu Sance

I'm wondering when Captain Headspace is going to report...