Home Forums Hunting & Shooting Hunter's Campfire Wives Are So Cruel

My wife dearly loves venison valuing it above just about all other meats. A friend invited me to his deer lease to shoot a doe so off I went. I suffered an epic journey of 28 miles, including 14 miles into the wilderness from that jumping off point of civilization, Copperas Cove. Braving the elements I saw two bucks, 22 widgeon, a coon, plus uncountable birds and squirrels. Finally surrendering my quest to dark and the polar 66 degree weather my ride picked me up for the return to the primitive cabin. There we existed on survival rations of venison chili and venison/jalapeno sausage.



After surviving all that I crashed onto a Army cot only to be awakened at that newly discovered hour of 4:50 AM, ate emergency rations of a breakfast bar and dried fruit before getting back in the stand at 5:30. This morning I saw 2 more bucks,two does and two fawns. At about 7:00 the largest doe and the one without fawns fed out into the open and with careful placement I shot her. After sitting for thirty minutes I moved forward and found blood. From that point showing all the skill of a Native American I tracked her close to 100 feet through a dense and impenetrable jungle of cedar thicket. Cleaning her I carefully saved all my wives favorite morsels, the heart, liver, kidneys and tongue. After getting her back to the cabin my host fortified my malnourished body with eggs, salsa, cholula sauce and venison breakfast sausage. Then I set out on the monumental adventure home.



Arriving home and presenting my wife with the carefully transported morsel I had save I was rewarded by a light peck on the lips. After telling her all my struggles I asked her if she would mind skinning the deer, cutting it into quarters and getting them into the ice chest. Did see give me a loving look and says certainly honey? No! Did she call me filthy and vile names. Not anthing nearly that nice. Did she scream, yell and demonstarte great anger. Nothing so kind.



What did the object of my affections and love of my life do? She cruelly and unmercifully laughed, and laughed and laughed.

Sounds like you have a wonderful wife that called you on your BS!

Evidently, she is not as Native American as your tracking skills.

Are we brothers in law? When I read this to my beloved she asked me if I had a problem with your story. I feel your pain!

Ah, to survive the barbarity of the wilds, only to succumb to the treacheries of home.

Et tu Brute?

I can see my wife skinning a deer.

Wait until you 'invite' a wife to do the conversion from hook to freezer and she just says "Your WHAT hurts?"

What an epic tale!

You should be as fortunate as I.

I have seen my wife up to her elbows in a caribou at 11:00PM trying to get it apart before we both froze.

She cleans her own fish, and helps cut & wrap everything I bring home.

Enjoy the venison, I haven't gotten mine yet.

Ed

I also have a good wife.

She grew up on a farm in WI, and knows how to work hard. After marriage, she was quick to learn how to butcher and package venison, and after moving to AK, she was eager to learn how to fillet and package salmon.

She's at a Holiday Bazaar right now, selling purses and handbags that she sewed up.

Obviously I wrote that tongue in cheek. My wife is a naturalized United States citizen who grew up as the daughter of a German Metzger (butcher). There you can buy and sell venison which is highly prized.

When we first married she started hunting and being a lefty the M88 lever action became hers. She shot a few deer and feral hogs and dressed a few to learn but generally I took care of it. Unfortunately due to Raynaud's Syndrom that restricts circulation to the extremities in cold weather it became just to painful to continue hunting and she retired from it.

Like many who have been married awhile certain tasks become pretty much to one or the other. I usually already have deer quartered and in coolers when I come home, but this was so close I just did it here. In a few days when I cut it up she will be trimming and wrapping it for the freezer.

Before we married I used to gut a deer and go. After that I had to save all the items I mentioned plus the brain which I convinced her to give up due to CWD. By the time I finish skinning and cutting the deer today she had cooked and eaten the kidneys for lunch, had the tongue simmering and the liver plus the heart prepared to cook and in the freezer.

Oh, when she gave up hunting she took up belly dancing which she teaches in the adult continuing education classes at the local junior college in addition to making and selling both jewelry and costumes for belly dancers.

I am well satisfied. :-)

Damn, my wife doesn't do any of that, but she can shop for shoes like a Hollywood celebrity!

A happy wife is a happy life!

Man, you got that right.
Paul B.

My wife does. Her father had her hunting when she was 10, and she had to field dress and skin her own deer when she was 15 and older. She's field dressed and skinned one while we were married just to show me she could. She's a pro.

I can't handle heat either, so I can empathize with your suffering.

My wife is a licenced veterinarian, and the first time she saw me performing surgery on a moose, she stated that my surgical skills were somewhat rough. I told her that I had no intention of sewing the thing back up and seeing if it could be brought back to life. She got the point when I passed her the knife. Now, she on the other hand is quite good with a knife, and she helps butcher and wrap as well. She prefers to shoot her own, though. Does a right passible job at that, too.

I would hate to have to identify all the parts of an elk when I'm done with it. Let's just say they're 'jumbled'.

It's all elk isn't it?

Ed

x2. My deer look nothing like the butcher charts, but are definately edible and boneless.

My wife loves to hunt and usually gets at least one deer each year? Her normal hunt? Seems like she usually spends about 45 minutes to maybe an hour on stand where I think she has a good chance, pulls the trigger and puts the bullet where it needs to be, then reaches for....nope, not her knife, her phone. Yep, I get called to bring my knife as her job is done. Now she is ready to teach our daughter the same hunting style. Oh well, life could be worse.