I once worked with a repair man in a auto factory that had a pissing match with a superintendent once. He would weave a thin single strand wire from a scrap wire harness through the cloth seat of the supers Cushman cart and attach it to the coil. The boss would come out of his office or meeting, hop on the seat, hit the key and fly over the handlebars all in one fluid motion.
I must confess, I was born at a very early age. --Groucho Marx
Patriotism is supporting your country all the time and your government when they deserve it. --Mark Twain
Got this from a co-worker. A guy bought a new car and bragged about his fuel mileage, which he checked every week when he filled up. So while his car was parked at work his co-workers would sometimes siphon, sometimes add gasoline. Drove him nuts.
A government is the most dangerous threat to man�s rights: it holds a legal monopoly on the use of physical force against legally disarmed victims.
I worked at a Llama ranch and one of the llamas had an abcessed tooth that was oozing all kinds of white puss and needed to be drained twice a day. One of the two guys that was responsible for taking care of the critter got some white donut filling and made the 2nd guy think he was eating the puss after one of their sessions. Guy freaked out!
_______________________________________________________ An 8 dollar driveway boy living in a T-111 shack
When I was 18 I got hired as a hod carrier so that the guy that had been doing the job could learn the brick laying trade. He was 33 years old & still held Illinois state powerlifting records in a few events 15 years later. He had arms the size of my head. But he took me u der his wing to show me the ropes & not let the brick layers over abuse me. Our foreman had been a rival of his since high school
The foreman s name was Allen & my benefactor was called pop
One day I had pop ' another bricklayer working on the front of the house & had Allen & another layer working on the fireplace Oh at this point I should mention that pop had an extremely volatile temper. No one messed with the guy
Anyway those damn Yankees were always givin me chit about being a hillbilly & how hillbillies were not trustworthy etc
I said bullchit , my word is good. Playing right into their hands. So Allen sez well we'll see if u can be trusted to keep ur word or not. If I tell u a secret u promise not to tell? You give ur word? Yep sez I like the dumbazz I was
Okay he says. I took a leak in pops thermos.! Wtf says I. He'll kill u Nah says the foreman he'll drink it & like it & if he notices it tastes funny we won't let on like we know anything about it. Now u can't say a word hillbilly or we'll know ur word is no good after all you promised.
Man I was sick the rest of the morning The only real friend I had on the crew & a guy I looked up to was about to drink our azzhole foreman s urine at noon break & I was powerless to warn him.
So noon break comes & we all gather inside the house to eat our dinner. I had no appetite. Everyone sitting & jawing while they eat. Finally pop unscrews the lid on his thermos as he's telling some tale & starts to lift the thermos to his mouth to parch his thirst I sprang outa my seat seat slapped that thermos from his lips & hand & sent the contents spilling out across the floor!
Omg I'd done it now. He grabs me by the neck and tosses me up against the wall & ill never forget his words
I don't know wtf has got into u kid but I'm fixing to beat it outa you!
My eyes are as wide as saucers as I know I'm gonna receive the beating of my natural born life. By this time the foreman & the other layer in on it are busting a gut rolling on the floor
That's all that saved my azz as pop was cocked & locked to hammer my insolent azz. He hesitated & asked me "what's going on". Told him I could t tell him. Chit
He drops me & grabs the other bricklayer ( not Allen) says talk or die ur choice
Whew he spilled the beans. Of course neither had pizzed in his thermos. They didn't have a death wish! But I was too stupid & naive to realize that
I offered him my thermos. And he just looked at me & said U were willing to have me beat ur azz vs going back on ur word. Told him I couldn't let you drink that stuff pop I believed they'd pizzed in it.
He got the joke & no one got beat on. But something changed a bit that day I believe. From then on pop treated me more as an equal instead of just the kid. Would take me to lift with him &'drink at his watering hole even had me over to his house for dinner later on. Thought the world of that guy. He was a mans man. Still do.
But those bastids got me good. For certain
I'm pretty certain when we sing our anthem and mention the land of the free, the original intent didn't mean cell phones, food stamps and birth control.
Zip tie on coworkers drive line. Open condoms and a 38F bra in customers truck. Puddle of gear oil under a trucks diff that coworker had a hell of a time with (came from a dealership, disassembled, and had the wrong bearing races installed, course they said it was all new stuff, they didn't have the right tools or a heavy duty guy ). They were going to pick the truck up that morning, he about crapped his pants when he saw the puddle and thought he was going to have tear it apart again. Beer cans stuffed in between dual wheels. Loaded/charged up condensers in the box. Air freshener wick stuffed down air vents of defroster. Add nuts and bolts to a guys magnetic tray on a big job. Shop bathroom has a sink inside, another sink on outside of wall. Wait till they start washing their hands and hit the outside drain with an air hose.
Tape a little air horn( the can ones) to the back of a clutch pedal. Pulled this one on my little brother at work this summer. Also zip tied a soda can to the drive line
Proverbs 12:27 The lazy do not roast any game, but the diligent feed on the riches of the hunt.
When I was stationed in Korea one of the guys in my barracks would wait until everyone was in their rooms drinking and listening to music on Friday and Saturday nights. He would take a wet mop and lean it against your door and then knock on your door really hard, if you were tall the mop would usually hit you in the chest, if you were short the mop would hit you in the face.
A friend of mine grew up either in Newfoundland or on PIE, I can't remember which. His mom worked at either a hospital or blood bank. The story was he and a friend would swipe one of the big bags of blood that was past date and had to be disposed of, roll it up in a pair of jeans, and put in in a snow bank for the snow plows to hit. At first blush the result looked like the plow had just eaten someone who'd passed out or died in the snow.
I used to strap the handle on the spray nozzle at the kitchen sink down and point it out into the room. Geez that used to piss mom off.
My grandma bought me a rubber snake. Mom HATED snakes. It showed up "accidentally" in some of the strangest places. Medicine cabinet, in the stack of towels in the bathroom ... Eventually she'd had enough and I got "the word." So I put it away. A few days later, we were all in bed. We heard her door shut and saw the lights go off. Then a couple minutes later, an unhappy intake of air. "Tom, I told you not to put that snake .." etc. She'd reached under her pillow in the dark as she got into bed and found ... something. "But mom, I didn't, it's in the box under my bed." Geez you should have heard the scream. And from my sister's room, the quiet snicker. Sisters are evil.
Anyone who thinks there's two sides to everything hasn't met a M�bius strip.
I was about 26, newly divorced, new job in a new town, renting a small apartment in a big complex. The gal next door was 20 and married. I figured if she was married she was old enough to drink. Shouldn't have, but I'd pick her up a 6-pack now and then. On the way home from the store one night I saw something that gave me a bright idea. I took the beer out of the sack and ... well ... when I got home, I put the sack on her doorstep, then knocked and ran. She was NOT happy about finding that 3 day old road kill possum in the sack.
Tom
Anyone who thinks there's two sides to everything hasn't met a M�bius strip.
Dang, TOM that made me laugh about the snowplow, but I could imagine the drivers reaction when he at first thought he had killed someone. Also knew a guy in the Army that was getting short and bought a couple bags of bird seed and emptied out on tops of certain NCOs cars while we were running PT. Doves and pigeons had a field day and messed up several cars with crap.
Used to put a small slit in a ketchup package then place it under a dorm room door and stomp on it. Fill a cardboard soda cup with shaving cream flatten the end so it fits under a door and stomp on it. They make quite a mess.
Ed
A person who asks a question is a fool for 5 minutes the person who never asks is a fool forever.
The worst slaves are those that put the chains on themselves.
Oh my poor old aunt. You could always tell when I had fed her little dog some long strips of casing from Texas Summer Sausage. She could really scream when he would start dragging azz on the carpet trying to pull a strip out.
The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time by the blood of patriots and tyrants.
If being stupid allows me to believe in Him, I'd wish to be a retard. Eisenhower and G Washington should be good company.
love the marbles, makes me wish we had a medicine cabinet!
I'm pretty certain when we sing our anthem and mention the land of the free, the original intent didn't mean cell phones, food stamps and birth control.
We had a strange guy on our deer lease....one year we had shot a coyote that was as big as a wolf. Several of the members took the coyote, stuck a stick in its mouth to prop it open and placed it in this guys deer stand facing the door at night.
Early the next morning the guy road out of camp on his 4 wheeler to go hunt....you could hear his 4 wheeler long before you saw him coming back to camp.....slowed to about 30 as he drove it up the ramp of his trailer, rammed the front rail, jumped off and disappeared in his camper.
A bit later he came out, closed the ramp of the trailer and drove out of camp......never came back. I was in camp that morning and laughed so hard I felt sorry for the guy. His stand was only about 5 foot off the ground, but he was scared of things that went bump in the night.....or day and I bet he had to change his drawers.
In the old days, we would hit a possum with a stick and then stick it in a "target's" car with his tail held by the door (back door best). Usually when the possum wakes up he is not happy and will growl and hiss, but if you open the back door....you just never know which way he will go!!
). They were going to pick the truck up that morning, he about crapped his pants when he saw the puddle and thought he was going to have tear it apart again. Beer cans stuffed in between dual wheels. Loaded/charged up condensers in the box. Air freshener wick stuffed down air vents of defroster. Add nuts and bolts to a guys magnetic tray on a big job. Shop bathroom has a sink inside, another sink on outside of wall. Wait till they start washing their hands and hit the outside drain with an air hose.
Eventually she'd had enough and I got "the word." So I put it away. A few days later, we were all in bed. We heard her door shut and saw the lights go off. Then a couple minutes later, an unhappy intake of air. "Tom, I told you not to put that snake .." etc. She'd reached under her pillow in the dark as she got into bed and found ... something. "But mom, I didn't, it's in the box under my bed." Geez you should have heard the scream. And from my sister's room, the quiet snicker. Sisters are evil.
