Getting the best of someone.

Clean your clock.

Clean your plow.
More?

Your name is Toby

You belong to Mr. Reynolds now!

Stomp a mudhole in you.

Got the Indian Sign on ya!

Got taken to the wood shed

Tan your hide

Hahaha! Excellent.

Eat your lunch

Your azz is grass, and I'm the lawnmower.

Hand you your azz

Slicker than snot on a door knob

You're in for a good whupping!

Gonna whomp you with a knotted plow line.

I knew him/her when they were just knee-high to a grasshopper.

We can keep arguing until the cows come home, but I ain’t gonna change my mind.

It’s raining like a double c#nted cow pissing on a flat rock.

It’s a real frog strangler out there.

You’re about to eat a knuckle sandwich.

You’re pissin’ in the wind.

I remember beat with a pisselum club!

It’s raining pitchforks and ni66er babies!

It's been a good time kind folks, sleep time for this old farm boy.

That’s harder than a honeymoon pecker

Heavy as a dead Baptist preacher!

You'd rather bite the head off a rattlesnake than fug with me!

Stomp a mudhole in your ads

Tougher than woodpecker lips
Stiffer than a wedding prick

Where the buzzards fu(k the hoot owls

More than one way to choke a cat than with butter.
Was my grandpa’s favorite.

Dry as a popcorn fart
Worthless as teats on a boar pig
Rougher than a cob
Homily as mud fence
He is such a tight azz, you couldn’t drive a flaxseed up his azz with a sledgehammer.

Busier than a cat with two tales
Nervous as a whore in church.


There is more I can’t remember.

You're so stupid you could screw up polio.....

Have no idea how that worked, only heard one fella use it and he used it quite a bit....

Meaner than a gut shot rattlesnake.

He can squeeze a nickel so tight, it'll make the buffalo burp.

Sweating like a niqqer on election day.

Hotter than a two dollar pistol on a Saturday night.

If you could buy him what he's worth, and sell him for what he thinks he's worth, you'd be a millionaire.

Plow you like a rented mule

Squeeze a Buffalo Nickle so hard you can make him fart.

Busy as a cat in a sandbox.

Wreck an anvil in a sandbox

Haul your ashes

Tighter than old Dicks hat band.
Hornier than a two peckered Billy goat

It runs like a raped ape!

Not worth shootin if you wanted to unload your gun.

More guts than you could hang on a fence.

Purtier than a new red heifer.

Heard an old fella describing a woman as being so fat that he estimated she had.....

40 lbs of pure hanging puzzy.....

You dont want to be in the middle of a bite off a bbq sandwich when you hear that for the first time.

Colder than a witch's tit.

I'm as nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.

That boy's the weak tit of the bunch.

Busier than a cat trying to cover s hit on a hot tin roof.

While pulling out wire by hand , till it gets rediculously heavy some one says with a smile , pull hard , it’ll come easy

Suck her p$&&y till her ear drums slap together

A newbie struggling with a task , “is there anything I can do to make it worse”

Knock your dick in your watch pocket

Sicker than a whore on a piss pot

Hotter than the hinges if hell

If we had some ham we would have some ham and eggs if we had some eggs

Six of one half dozen of the other

Missed by an inch , might as well missed by a mile

Same thing , only different

Eats shiet and barks at the moon

Richer than 4 foot up a bulls azz.

A crow schit him on a fence post.

Going to open a can of woop a$$

That woman's crazier than a chithouse rat!!

Fits like a fist in the eye.

A running horse never plowed a field.

Deader than yesterdays news.

Wilder than a March hare.

Darker than a [bleep] pocket.

Better than a sharp stick in the eye.

Got a wild hair up his ass.

Busier than a one armed paper hanger.

When its gone, its gone.
Said by the new guy on a fly in camp who drank all the beer by Tuesday.

Skin a fart to save a nickel and ruin a fifty cent jack knife.

Tighter'n a bull's ass in fly season.

He's so tight you can't pull a needle out his ass with a tractor.

Colder'n a well digger's ass.

So tight he'd skin a flea for his hide and tallow.

That boy would climb a greased pole backwards to tell a lie rather than stand flatfooted on the ground and tell the truth.

He'd lie even if the truth would serve him better.

He's about three turns tighter than tree bark.

I wouldn't spit on him if he was on fire!

He's so black, charcoal would make a white mark on him.

Tighter than an ant's a$$ stretched over a #9 washtub.

Stared at her like a calf mooning a new gate.

Squeal like a pig hung under a gate.

Wouldn't say "s#¡t" if he was standing in it knee deep.

Drunker than Cooter Brown.

He ain't got a pot to pu$$ in or a window to throw it out of.

He's so broke, he'd have to fart twice to make a scent.

Hes so ugly, his momma had to tie a pork chop around his neck to get the puppy to play with him.

He's so stupid, if you put his brain in a humming bird, it would fly upside down and backwards and bv euck a mule's a$$ for a morning glory.

Dumber than a bag of: hammers - rocks, etc, etc.....

He's slower than smoke off s#¡t on a cold morning.

So slow he couldn't catch a cafe on biscuit wheels.

Slicker than a greased pig.

Played him like a fiddle.

Whip him 'til he s#¡ts, then whip him for s#¡tting.

I'm gonna kick your butt 'til your nose bleeds!

Tighter than a fishes bum.

Sweating like a whore in church.

This tractor couldn't pull a greased string out of a cat's ass. Rio7

Plowin' corn.

I bet his azzhole is puckered up so tight you couldn't drive a greased nail up it with a twenty pound sledgehammer.

You gonna stand there all day with your hands in your pockets or are you gonna drop your drawers and rail that sheep like a man?

Don't talk about Jim Conrad that way.

Feed him lots of beans , fug him in the azz and pray he shirts himself to death



That’s just plain mean

It fits like gloves on a rooster.

Cuter than a spotted puppy

Cuter than a spotted puppy, in a little red wagon, sitting under a Christmas tree.

Worthless as tits on a boar. F--ked like Hogans goat. Hotter than a freshly F--ked fox in a forest fire.

Back where Jesus lost his sandels.
Hornier than a three peckered billy goat.
I will unscrew your head and chit down your neck.
Slap you into next Tuesday.
Ha Ha,you just fugged the ugliest one in the flock.
Dumber than a box of rocks.
Sheep lie.

Beat all hollow.

Has more money than Carter has oats. miles

She’s tougher than a boiled owl
I’m gonna do it even if it hairlips the guvment.
He’s so unlucky it could be raining pu$$y and he’d still get hit with a dick
Her a$$ looked like two boar hogs fighting in a tow sack
It’s about to come a turd floater, you’d better hunt higher ground

“Off to ignore you go”

He'd steal the stink out of dirty!

He ain't got the sense God gave a goose.

He don't know s#¡t from Shinola! Look at his shoes!

Couldn't find his butt with both hands!

With friends like him, who needs enemies?

Lower than a snakes belly in a wagon rut!

My pop always said it this way: She's cuter than a speckled pup under a red wagon.

Hes so crosseyed he can stand on Wednesday and look both ways for Sunday.

He's so lazy, he wouldn't say "Soiiee" if the hogs was eating him!

He's so tight he's got nine and a half cents out of the first dime he ever made.

That boy is so ugly, he'd make a freight train take a dirt road.

He don't know nothin'! He's just talking to hear his head roar.

win if ya can

lose if ya must


but always always

CHEAT

Forgive your enemies, it messes up their heads.

Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.

Every path has a few puddles.

The bigger they are, the harder they hit!

My grandpa and I were out one day and he saw an old man he knew with a much younger women. I will never forget what he said "son that would be like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank"....
I guess I will remember that one till I die.

Couldn’t pull a sick whore off a pizz pot….

Tougher than two yellow toe nails. miles

She bangs like a dunny door in the wind.

Madder than a wet hen.

It's rainin' pitchforks and candlesticks!

How'r you fellin'? Steady to weak.

We don't know what we don't know!

They call her "the turtle", when she's on her back, she's phoucced !

That boy sure has a lot of quit in him.

If it don't rain, it'll be a long dry spell.

Busier than a one armed wallpaper hanger.

Stickier than a harrow at midnight.

This is between me and you and the fencepost.

I've heard that one clear out here

I feel like I been pulled through a knot hole backwards.

Runnin' around like a rooster with it's head cut off.

If it ain’t my elbow it’s my a$$h01e.

come on man..........

'she's UR first cousin'

It's too wet to plow.

(hint: it's got nothing to do with farming)

Can't beat it with a stick.

I feel like I was drug through a keyhole backwards.

Skin you and tack your hide to the barn wall

And walk it dry!

rougher than a night in jail

All hat no cattle

All hat no land

All hat no brains

All hat no hair


In the context of buying farm/ranch land down stream of yours:

Dry them up, buy them out.

Pickle sniffer plays the skin flute

Conversation starter:

Think it’ll rain?