I had lunch today with a retired doctor friend of mine. We covered the usual “the medical system is screwed beyond repair, Biden sucks, and the Covid response has been a train wreck” topics. Then he looks all serous and said “I’ve got some troubling news”. I thought, great another friend with cancer.
Thankfully he said, “The wife wants me to see her analyst with her”. Apparently the combination of retirement and the pandemic is creating too much “together time”.
He asked how my experience with an analysts went as years ago I dated his wife’s sister for a short while. (Probably why his wife still hates me to this day.) I said Yep and this is how all that went down:
The girlfriend, who I had only been seeing for a few weeks, says - Let’s go see my analyst together. I said, Nope it won’t work out like you envision. She said we are going. I said it won’t work out like you envision.
So a few days later there we sit in front of her “analyst” who’s asking all the usual questions about feelings, conflict resolution, and coping mechanisms. I explained that my coping mechanism is sudden and complete hearing loss followed by acute alcohol abuse. But I digress.
About this time I’d had enough of the small talk and I look to the headdoc and said - So you sit here all day long listening to problems and offering advice. Doc responds Yes. I said, So with all that knowledge, how’s that working in your marriage. He responds something about it’s a process and requires a lot of work and patience. To whit I said, So largely the advice you hand out doesn’t really solve relationship problems and all this is sorta bullshite. He shrugged and went back to the - it’s a process mantra. So I turned to the girlfriend and said, see I told you this wouldn’t work out like you envisioned.
At which point the tears start and she storms out calling me a colossal dick and some other unintelligible babble. I looked to the doc and said, It generally takes about a month before they come to that conclusion.
Suddenly my friend got all happy and said that’s perfect, I’ll do that. I then asked if he has a prenup and he said no, he and his wife married before he was successful and there wasn’t a need. I told my friend he was unfortunately well and truly screwed. He ordered another scotch and looked even more depressed.
Women...
Bull***t. Nobody dates for a few weeks and then goes to see a counselor. Also I have never heard a counselor or psychologist called an "analyst".
