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Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 1,916
Campfire Regular
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Campfire Regular
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 1,916 |
Decades ago I told this one inebriated with the aid of a helium balloon.
Whats long, hard, and full of seamen?
A submarine
Why do women bitch so much?
Cause they don't belch or fart, and they would blow up!
"Its easier to fool people......Than convince them that they have been fooled." Mark Twain
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Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 677
Campfire Regular
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Campfire Regular
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 677 |
[video:youtube]chttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_PGPSjB4INU[/video]
"No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms. The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government." Thomas Jefferson, 1776
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 28,379
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 28,379 |
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
First one says, "Oh no, I've lost an electron!"
Second one says, "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm positive."
*******************************
A blind man walks into a bar, picks up his seeing eye dog by the tail and swings the dog around his head.
The bartender says, "Hey, whatta you think you're doing?!"
"Oh, just lookin' around."
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A woman walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "Give me an entendre, and make it a double."
So the bartender gave it to her.
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So the bartender says, "Hey, we don't serve time travelers in here!"
A time traveler walks into a bar.
************************************************
A rope walks into a bar and the bartender says, "hey, we don't serve ropes in here, get out!"
So the rope walks out and goes around the corner. He bends down, twists around, straightens back up, musses up his hair and goes back into the bar.
The bartender say, "Hey, aren't you that rope I just threw out of here?"
"Nope. Frayed knot."
Gunnery, gunnery, gunnery.
Hit the target, all else is twaddle!
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Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 50,633
Campfire Kahuna
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Campfire Kahuna
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 50,633 |
From the really, really bad joke set:
what is the best thing about twenty eight year olds?
The fact there are twenty of them...
Mark Begich, Joaquin Jackson, and Heller resistance... Three huge reasons to worry about the NRA.
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Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 4,057
Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 4,057 |
A pirate walks into a doctor's office with a steering wheel in his pants, the receptionist asked him "isn't that uncomfortable?" The pirate said "Arrr, it's driving me nuts"
"Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you'll be a mile from them, and you'll have their shoes."
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Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 59,088
Campfire Kahuna
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Campfire Kahuna
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 59,088 |
what do you call a guy in the water with no arms and no legs?
Bob!
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs on your front porch?
Matt!
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves?
Russell!
Paul
"I'd rather see a sermon than hear a sermon".... D.A.D.
Trump Won!, Sandmann Won!, Rittenhouse Won!, Suck it Liberal Fuuktards.
molɔ̀ːn labé skýla
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Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 59,088
Campfire Kahuna
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Campfire Kahuna
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 59,088 |
Do you know why Christa McAuliffe never took a bath in space?
Because she washed up on the beach.
What kind of wood doesn't float?
Natalie Wood.
Paul
"I'd rather see a sermon than hear a sermon".... D.A.D.
Trump Won!, Sandmann Won!, Rittenhouse Won!, Suck it Liberal Fuuktards.
molɔ̀ːn labé skýla
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Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 17,312
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 17,312 |
What do you call the victor of a Mexican race?
The weener.
Screw you! I'm voting for Trump again!
Ecc 10:2
The heart of the wise inclines to the right, but that of a fool to the 24HCF.
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Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 86,196
Campfire Oracle
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Campfire Oracle
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 86,196 |
Do you know why Christa McAuliffe never took a bath in space?
Because she washed up on the beach. Where does Christa vacation? ALL OVER FLORIDA!
If you take the time it takes, it takes less time.
--Pat Parelli
American by birth; Alaskan by choice.
--ironbender
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,507
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,507 |
How do you know when you've pissed off the female bartender?
There's a string hangin outta your Bloody Mary.
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Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 8,745
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 8,745 |
What's the difference between a truckload of Marbles and a truckload of dead babies?
You can't use a pitchfork to unload the marbles.
7mm
"Preserving the Constitution, fighting off the nibblers and chippers, even nibblers and chippers with good intentions, was once regarded by conservatives as the first duty of the citizen. It still is." � Wesley Pruden
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Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 24,376
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 24,376 |
Baby seal walks into a club
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Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 14,163
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 14,163 |
Do you know why Christa McAuliffe never took a bath in space?
Because she washed up on the beach.
What kind of wood doesn't float?
Natalie Wood. you sir, are a sick sick man!
Well we're Green and we're Gold, and we play better when it's cold. All us Cheese heads have our favorite superstar. We love Brett Favre.
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Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 86,196
Campfire Oracle
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Campfire Oracle
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 86,196 |
Why do nwa and peddler go to the mortuary after work?
To suck down a few cold ones.
If you take the time it takes, it takes less time.
--Pat Parelli
American by birth; Alaskan by choice.
--ironbender
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Joined: Nov 2015
Posts: 5,637
Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Nov 2015
Posts: 5,637 |
A Texan a Californian and Oregonian were setting around a campfire drinking. The Texan takes a big swig of tequila throws the bottle in the air and shoots it! The Californian asks why did you do that? The Texan say's we have lots of Tequila in Texas! At that the Californian takes a long drink of wine from his bottle and shoots it, declaring we have a lot of wine in California. Not to be out done the Oregonian finishes off his micro brew throws the bottle in the air and shoots the Californian and catch's the bottle. The Texan ask why did you do that. To which the Oregonian replies we have a lot of Californians in Oregon, and the bottle is worth a nickel!
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Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 314
Campfire Member
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Campfire Member
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 314 |
what do you call a guy in the water with no arms and no legs?
Bob!
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs on your front porch?
Matt!
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves?
Russell! What does a harelip dog say? Mark, Mark!
"How often have I said to you that when you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth?
Sherlock Holmes
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Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 26,484
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 26,484 |
What do you call an Ethiopian child holding a slice of pickle?
A Quarter-Pounder
FJB & FJT
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Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 16,138
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 16,138 |
What do you call a guy with no arms & no legs laying in a ditch?
Phil
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Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 10,495
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 10,495 |
Q: What's the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo?
A: One's real heavy and the other's a little lighter.
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Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 16,138
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 16,138 |
What's the difference between a grocery bag and Michael Jackson?
One is made of plastic and is dangerous to children, the other is made to carry produce to the car.....
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404 members (257_X_50, 1_deuce, 10gaugemag, 2500HD, 260Remguy, 260madman, 44 invisible),
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guests, and
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robots. |
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Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
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Forums81
Topics1,191,859
Posts18,478,555
Members73,948
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Most Online11,491
Jul 7th, 2023
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