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Joined: May 2003
Posts: 13,364
Campfire Outfitter
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OP
Campfire Outfitter
Joined: May 2003
Posts: 13,364 |
About five weeks ago, Kathy, my wonderful wife of 43½ years, died at St. Alphonsus Hospital, here in Boise, of pneumonia and complications from severe Alzheimer's dementia. She had been a resident at a memory care facility for nearly two years. That became necessary as my wife in her dementia was a "wanderer," became delusional, and had very bad hallucinations with which I was unable to cope. Her memory was severely impaired. We had no children so I had to try and take care of her and everything else required in daily life myself. Over a period of time, it became impossible and I reluctantly placed her in a respected local memory care facility in early-May, 2018. I was 81 and Kathy was 72.
I visited her every Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday and Sunday, and took her to doctors and dentist appointments. I would call her every day. The care giver would give her the phone so we could talk. Often, my wife did not really know who I was and sometimes she did not know I was her husband when I visited. Nevertheless, every time I visited, she was happy to see me. It was very devastating to watch her wonderful mind deteriorate. I know there are others here who have had to watch their loved ones degenerate in mind and I know how they felt, just as they will know how I felt.
In early February, my wife contracted a cold. It became worse although a doctor at the facility prescribed some medicine. Her cold got worse and she fainted, striking her neck and hip on a chair. The care givers called the paramedics. They called me and said they thought she should go to the hospital. Of course I said to take her and I'd be there in 30 minutes.
When I arrived, Kathy was on a gurney in the Emergency room waiting to go in for X-rays. I tried to comfort her but she was coughing racking, deep lung coughs almost constantly. After X-rays the doctor told me she did not have any bone breaks but a CT scan had shown she had severe pneumonia. He wanted to admit her for treatment and I said to do it. They put her in a room, hooked up IVs, heart and blood pressure monitors, oxygen, etc. Her horrible coughing continued. I was with her from about 12;15 PM until 11:00 PM that night. Because I have macular degeneration, I can not drive at night as the oncoming headlights blind me. The drive home from the hospital that night was "an adventure," I assure you, but I made it safely. For the next seven days, I arrived about 9:30 AM and left about 5:00 PM to get home before dark.
After three days, no matter the doctors' and nurses' extraordinary efforts Kathy's pneumonia continued to get worse. She could not swallow water nor eat solid foods, nor could she walk. She was delirious and did not know what was going on, She was miserable. On the fourth day, her doctor told me "Your wife's prognosis is not good at all." On the eighth day, as I was sitting beside her bed holding her hand, she sighed and that was her last breath.
I managed to contract a bad cold so after my wife's death, I have stayed at home to make sure my cold did not become pneumonia or Covid 19. Fortunately, I seem to be okay now. My neighbors have been very kind to me. They bring me food and pick up groceries when they have to go to the market. I conduct certain legal details by phone, fax, and e-mail.
I am devastated by the death of my wife, the love of my life, my very best friend, and my wonderful companion. Kathy was a Christian, a patriot, loved our country and Constitution, and loved me with all her heart as I loved her.
I have sympathy for all here who have loved ones with dementia or other serious illnesses. Hopefully, someday a dementia cure or preventative will be found. There are none yet.
L.W.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." (William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830s.)
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Joined: May 2016
Posts: 60,304
Campfire Kahuna
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Campfire Kahuna
Joined: May 2016
Posts: 60,304 |
I am MAGA.
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Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 79,321
Campfire Oracle
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Campfire Oracle
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 79,321 |
I'm very sorry to hear of your hard times, Leanwolf.
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Joined: Jul 2015
Posts: 14,682
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Jul 2015
Posts: 14,682 |
Sorry about your loss.
Grieving is natural and is the opposite side of the coin called love. Without love there would be no grief. Don't try to short-circuit the process and recognize it for the beautiful thing that it is.
Politics is War by Other Means
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Joined: Nov 2015
Posts: 19,204
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Nov 2015
Posts: 19,204 |
So sorry for your loss Leanwolf. No one really knows just what to say in a time like this, but my thoughts and prayers are with you.
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Joined: May 2015
Posts: 1,014
Campfire Regular
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Campfire Regular
Joined: May 2015
Posts: 1,014 |
Sorry for your loss Leanwolf. I lost my mom to dementia. It's like losing them over and over.
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 12,359
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 12,359 |
very sorry to hear of your loss, praying for comfort at this time
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Joined: May 2001
Posts: 18,345
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 18,345 |
I'm very sorry. Having watched loved ones go through similar experience I have the utmost empathy.
Carpe' Scrotum
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Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 27,935
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 27,935 |
You ,sir fulfilled your husband duties to a T. I’m so sorry for your great loss. May your wife Rest In Peace.
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Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 60,742
Campfire Kahuna
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Campfire Kahuna
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 60,742 |
More than I have had to deal with, sympathy, and May Our Lord we with you.
These premises insured by a Sheltie in Training ,--- and Cooey.o "May the Good Lord take a likin' to you"
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Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 31,602
Campfire 'Bwana
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Campfire 'Bwana
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 31,602 |
Founder Ancient Order of the 1895 Winchester
"Come, shall we go and kill us venison? And yet it irks me the poor dappled fools, Being native burghers of this desert city, Should in their own confines with forked heads Have their round haunches gored."
WS
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Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 4,774
Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 4,774 |
I'm very sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your love story with us.
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Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 2,542
Campfire Regular
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Campfire Regular
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 2,542 |
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Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 8,087
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 8,087 |
Sorry to hear about your loss Leanwolf.
Souns like you were both lucky to have had one another.
“Factio democratica delenda est"
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Joined: Jan 2017
Posts: 8,873
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Jan 2017
Posts: 8,873 |
LW my condolences on your loss.I am seeing the same dementia and Alsheimers in my 89 year old mother. MB
" Cheapest velocity in the world comes from a long barrel and I sure do like them. MB "
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Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 879
Campfire Regular
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Campfire Regular
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 879 |
My deepest condolences LW.
Your mind is your primary weapon. Never let it get rusty.
Endowment Member NRA
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Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 26,508
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 26,508 |
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Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 5,524
Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 5,524 |
LW--sorry for your loss, your wife sounds like an amazing person.
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 585
Campfire Regular
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Campfire Regular
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 585 |
May she rest in peace. Memories you still have all of those wonderful memories.
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Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 66,949
Campfire Kahuna
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Campfire Kahuna
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 66,949 |
Tough read, I cannot imagine your pain and loss
Try to keep yourself physically healthy while all this other sickness is going around.
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