Home Forums Hunting & Shooting Hunter's Campfire My Son Took His Own Life

This is difficult so bear with me. I have always thoroughly enjoyed this forum. We all come from many walks of life but have appreciated input from others even when maybe we didn't agree. I read much more than I post as some of the responses on here can be scathing. The outdoors has always been a way of life for me to cope with whatever had me on the fence. I introduced the kids to the outdoors and they loved to hunt with me as well as ride 4-wheelers, fish, hike, camp, etc.

My 15-year old son was the core of my happiness as well as my daughter who is younger than him. I've always done things for the family as opposed to chasing a career and putting family aside. We had purchased a farm a couple years ago so that my wife and I could enjoy the outdoors with the kids and have a place just to get away from city life and a corporate job. However, my son had been battling depression for the past year. We did everything a parent knew to do at the time. When COVID came about, we took off to the farm and I worked remotely there as the offices were closed and we were just trying to stay safe. This was both a blessing and a curse for us as we'd later find out.

Fast forward to late May as this was when my world turned upside down. My son had been telling me he was sad but couldn't articulate why. This was a theme that was coming up every few months. I had a pep talk with him that evening telling him how much I loved him and how we'll get through the tough times. Little did I know how deep the message was that he was telling me. He was also telling me that kids were messing with him on social media. I didn't understand at the time to what degree as he minimized issues bothering him and wouldn't open up to his mother and I. Later that evening, my 15 year old son took his own life in front of me in the yard of the farm while I begged him not to do that.

I cannot begin to tell you the stages of grief I have and am going through. The images of that night and the OODA loop have cycled in my mind a billion+ times. I'm so lost and empty without my main man as I called him. Everything I've done was based around having a boy and a girl as a child. He has taken all enjoyment from me including hunting and shooting as well as the labor of love of the farm. My daughter won't open up and was there that night but was on the back side of the house when it occurred. She saw her brother laying there by the driveway when the in-laws came up and ushered her out of there. No words can express the heartache and emptiness I feel. It's hard for me to think that I will have to endure this the rest of my life. So many could of, should of, would of going through my head. Counselors have expressed not to feel guilt....I understand it was his decision but my job as a Dad was to protect him and I failed.

I bring all of this up as it seems like daily, I'm reading about suicides in the news...My son was absolutely cyber-bullied by two individuals (minors) for months. One kid told him the Friday before exactly what my son should do to end his life and my son followed it to a tee.....The kid continued on berating him online even after his death. He knew he was dead based on what other kids in the community posted online. Have we risen this low in society that this is the new normal?

For those of you that have lost loves one to suicide, I feel your pain and know what you're going through. It's hard to understand unless you've been here which I didn't in the past. For those with loved ones battling depression, take what they say seriously and understand what you think/feel is at a healthy rational level and they are not at the same place as you. I didn't understand that until it was too late. I thought telling him I was there and loved him would help him through it. I was ignorant. I've read the Good Guys suicide thread and there are some uninformed posts there. It's such a complicated topic and we as humans DO NOT understand the human mind. I'll forever miss the great times with my bud and will miss so much being a father of a son.....I'm so lost.

Thanks for reading and prayers are appreciated.

So sorry to hear this, it's not much, May our Lord Jesus grant you, and family strength, and healing.

Prayers sent and my condolences

May his memory be a blessing to you and may you have peace and comfort as you deal with this unspeakable tragedy.

Words can't express it.....hurts my heart to even read it.

devnull;
I am so sorry to read of this sir.

Truly words fail me.

As a fellow father, please know you and yours are in my thoughts and prayers.

Dwayne

I can't even begin to imagine how you feel. All I can do is offer thoughts and prayers for you and your family. Try to look forward to each new day and find some small bit of beauty and/or happiness in it.

May GOD be with you and your son and may you be together again after this race is done. God bless you and yours. So sorry to hear of this.

Can't imagine the pain you are experiencing. Prayers for healing and peace.

Paul

Words are hard to come by. My sincerest condolences for your tragic loss.

Very sorry to read this... I wish I could make the pain go away. Prayers are being sent.

I am so sorry for you and your family. I cannot imagine how the depth of sorrow that comes with this and words are difficult to express the sympathy and support we wish for you and your family.

Devnull: Prayers for you and your family sent - I can not imagine your pain.
I do hope some of my strength and condolences will be upon you.
You need to stay strong and as calm as you can for your family - they need you.
I just wish this had NOT happened and that there was something more I could do for you and your family.
I also pray that your sons soul is now at peace.
I have three sons - I count my blessings every day.
Hold into the wind
VarmintGuy

Man, I don’t know what to say other than it must have took a lot of courage for you to write that. I don’t know that I could have. About all I know to say is to just hang in there and remember the good memories, and focus on them. I’ll pray that things get better for you.

I likely would have lost my son but for our chocolate lab.

That’s a tragic loss for you, your family or anyone. My condolences, may you find peace.

I read your post, what a horrible tragedy for you and your family. You all have my prayers.

Perhaps your post can help another family out there somewhere. May God give you all peace and comfort during this difficult time.

So sorry for your loss. My prayers go out to you and your family

Prayers for you and family.

Words of condolences fail.
Prayers for you and yours during this tragedy, devnull.