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Joined: May 2011
Posts: 56,324 Likes: 9
Campfire Kahuna
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OP
Campfire Kahuna
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 56,324 Likes: 9 |
As with many of you, my father died of cancer, in his case, pancreatic. He's been gone 21 years now. My parents had been married 49 years. Mom took care of dad as he slowly degraded until she needed help from hospice. All three of us kids did what we could to help, as we had all stayed nearby. Mom was in her 60's at that time. Of course it was terrible and hard on us all, but especially her. She was home with dad when he reached his hands up high in the air while laying in bed, as if reaching for something unseen, and breathing his last breath. He'd been sick 7 months and bed-ridden and mute for three weeks. I was there within a few minutes, and held my dads hand as his body began to cool off.
I remember it like it was yesterday. I was holding his hand, when all of a sudden I kind of recoiled, sat up straight, let go of his hand and said, "That's not my dad!" I still believe to this day I felt his spirit leave his body. His pain was over, and for that we were thankful at least.
She remarried a few years later and has been married a dozen years or so. Jim's been a great stepfather to me, and husband to my mom. He's in his 90's but he's just "Jim", fully in possession of all his faculties. We have great conversations on all sorts of deep topics and he's got a great sense of humor. He has become a very dear friend and trusted mentor. Up until last week he walked a couple miles a day, with a walker in their little gated community. He and mom decided Jim would go see his kids for a few days while mom dealt with a flooring contractor replacing the carpet in their house with hardwood. Jim gets upset when he questions why this or that is done a certain way. LOL. They thought it would be easier if Jim visited family and mom handled the contractors.
He came home yesterday complaining of back pain and by last night they had to get him to the hospital.
Today we learned that Jim has Stage Four pancreatic cancer and has a few months to live. Jim has been preparing for years to meet the Lord, downsizing houses and getting rid of "stuff", setting up the finances and so forth as best as he could for the eventuality that he would leave my mom widowed again.
My mom called crying and struggled to tell us. I worry for her now that she's in her mid 80's. There's no way she can physically handle this again, and emotionally I worry for her as Jim has been a very in-charge and strong husband figure in her life. She has really learned to depend on him for everything.
My mom has another tough road ahead of her. Very heartbroken for her as I write this. I live 200 miles away and am not going to be able to be available like I was when dad passed. I pray Jims family can step in. I wonder what I should do. How I can best support them from afar. I'm self-employed so I can shut it down and go at some point, but I do have financial responsibilities at home.
Damn it. It feels like cancer is taking someone before their time. Must sound strange saying that about someone in their 90's, but Jim isn't old to me, he's just "Jim", my stepfather and good friend. The world's about to get a little bit smaller as we lose another great one.
Please say a prayer for our family if you wouldn't mind. Going to be a tough road for mom.
_______________________________________________________ An 8 dollar driveway boy living in a T-111 shack
LOL
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Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 60,941 Likes: 15
Campfire Kahuna
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Campfire Kahuna
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 60,941 Likes: 15 |
Of course Roy, May our Lord Jesus give you all the strength, and courage to fight through this.
These premises insured by a Sheltie in Training ,--- and Cooey.o "May the Good Lord take a likin' to you"
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Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
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Life is good live it while you can.
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Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 45,242 Likes: 20
Campfire 'Bwana
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Campfire 'Bwana
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 45,242 Likes: 20 |
Ditto ^^^^^ At least the two kinds I've had have been operable. FB2, Good thoughts going out to your family. And may Jim get through this as painlessly as possible.
The desert is a true treasure for him who seeks refuge from men and the evil of men. In it is contentment In it is death and all you seek (Quoted from "The Bleeding of the Stone" Ibrahim Al-Koni)
member of the cabal of dysfunctional squirrels?
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Joined: May 2003
Posts: 13,388 Likes: 4
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: May 2003
Posts: 13,388 Likes: 4 |
I am sorry to hear of your stepfather's very serious condition. Best wishes to him, your mother, and you. All of my family are gone now, except an older brother who is in ill health so I know how it hurts when a close loved one dies.
Take care of your mother the best you can, when you can. That's all you can do.
L.W.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." (William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830s.)
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Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Nov 2007
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Prayers for peace and comfort Roy, for your family and you.
Mark
NRA Life Member Anytime anyone kicks cancers azz is a good day!
~Molɔ̀ːn Labé Skýla~
Oh The Drama!
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Campfire Kahuna
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Campfire Kahuna
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 69,673 Likes: 20 |
Prayers sent from here.
Cancer is evil.
Molɔ̀ːn Labé Skýla!
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Joined: May 2011
Posts: 56,324 Likes: 9
Campfire Kahuna
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OP
Campfire Kahuna
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 56,324 Likes: 9 |
I had a customer get cancer a long time ago. He walked out of the house one morning, found a stop sign, sat down against the post and slit his wrists. It was devastating to his wife. He didn't want to put her through having to care for him, but talking to her afterwards I can see that she felt worse about his suicide than she did about having to care for him. I wonder what I'd do if I got sick with it? I sure wouldn't want my family to have to go though it, but the time spent with them at the end is too valuable to just throw away. I'd be tempted to skydive w/o a parachute but for the people I left behind. You're right, cancer stinks.
_______________________________________________________ An 8 dollar driveway boy living in a T-111 shack
LOL
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Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 59,146 Likes: 23
Campfire Kahuna
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Campfire Kahuna
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 59,146 Likes: 23 |
Sorry to hear about your pal Roy.
Prayers for Jim and his family.
Paul
"I'd rather see a sermon than hear a sermon".... D.A.D.
Trump Won!, Sandmann Won!, Rittenhouse Won!, Suck it Liberal Fuuktards.
molɔ̀ːn labé skýla
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Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 26,389 Likes: 6 |
Pancreatic cancer took out my dad. It was a horrible way to go. I was there, doing what I could.
Best wishes for you and your mom.
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Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Dec 2019
Posts: 17,222 Likes: 15 |
Sorry to hear of her struggles and yours. After your first paragraph is was thinking, wow the year that would of been their 70th anniversary, this might be tough on her. I had no Idea.....
Prosciutto Jim's family maybe? In the theme of I am a resource as I have been through what you are going to experience?
It's worth the chance that you will be their first call when they have a personal crisis...
-OMotS
"If memory serves fails me..." Quote: ( unnamed) "been prtty deep in the cooler todaay " Television and radio are most effective when people question little and think even less.
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Campfire Kahuna
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Campfire Kahuna
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Joined: Aug 2007
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Campfire Sage
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Campfire Sage
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 115,424 Likes: 13 |
I'd take him to the Mayo Clinic and get a real opinion.
I doubt that diagnosis was given by anybody worth a fugk in their profession.
Trump being classless,tasteless and clueless as usual. Sorry, trump is a no tax payin pile of shiit. My young wife decided to play the field and had moved several dudes into my house
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Joined: Jan 2010
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Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 23,554 Likes: 1 |
I wish scientist could figure out how to beat that disease. Its a curse on mankind
have you paid your dues, can you moan the blues, can you bend them guitar strings
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Joined: Feb 2001
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Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Feb 2001
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kk alaska
Alaska 7 months of winter then 5 months of tourists
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Joined: May 2011
Posts: 56,324 Likes: 9
Campfire Kahuna
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OP
Campfire Kahuna
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 56,324 Likes: 9 |
I'd take him to the Mayo Clinic and get a real opinion.
I doubt that diagnosis was given by anybody worth a fugk in their profession.
Honest question. Do you think there is a doctor somewhere that would fight for a mans life in their 90's with stage 4 cancer? I honestly don't know. I could add he's beaten other types of cancer at least three times before! Super positive, move forward kind of guy.
_______________________________________________________ An 8 dollar driveway boy living in a T-111 shack
LOL
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Joined: Oct 2017
Posts: 1,672
Campfire Regular
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Campfire Regular
Joined: Oct 2017
Posts: 1,672 |
As with many of you, my father died of cancer, in his case, pancreatic. He's been gone 21 years now. My parents had been married 49 years. Mom took care of dad as he slowly degraded until she needed help from hospice. All three of us kids did what we could to help, as we had all stayed nearby. Mom was in her 60's at that time. Of course it was terrible and hard on us all, but especially her. She was home with dad when he reached his hands up high in the air while laying in bed, as if reaching for something unseen, and breathing his last breath. He'd been sick 7 months and bed-ridden and mute for three weeks. I was there within a few minutes, and held my dads hand as his body began to cool off.
I remember it like it was yesterday. I was holding his hand, when all of a sudden I kind of recoiled, sat up straight, let go of his hand and said, "That's not my dad!" I still believe to this day I felt his spirit leave his body. His pain was over, and for that we were thankful at least.
She remarried a few years later and has been married a dozen years or so. Jim's been a great stepfather to me, and husband to my mom. He's in his 90's but he's just "Jim", fully in possession of all his faculties. We have great conversations on all sorts of deep topics and he's got a great sense of humor. He has become a very dear friend and trusted mentor. Up until last week he walked a couple miles a day, with a walker in their little gated community. He and mom decided Jim would go see his kids for a few days while mom dealt with a flooring contractor replacing the carpet in their house with hardwood. Jim gets upset when he questions why this or that is done a certain way. LOL. They thought it would be easier if Jim visited family and mom handled the contractors.
He came home yesterday complaining of back pain and by last night they had to get him to the hospital.
Today we learned that Jim has Stage Four pancreatic cancer and has a few months to live. Jim has been preparing for years to meet the Lord, downsizing houses and getting rid of "stuff", setting up the finances and so forth as best as he could for the eventuality that he would leave my mom widowed again.
My mom called crying and struggled to tell us. I worry for her now that she's in her mid 80's. There's no way she can physically handle this again, and emotionally I worry for her as Jim has been a very in-charge and strong husband figure in her life. She has really learned to depend on him for everything.
My mom has another tough road ahead of her. Very heartbroken for her as I write this. I live 200 miles away and am not going to be able to be available like I was when dad passed. I pray Jims family can step in. I wonder what I should do. How I can best support them from afar. I'm self-employed so I can shut it down and go at some point, but I do have financial responsibilities at home.
Damn it. It feels like cancer is taking someone before their time. Must sound strange saying that about someone in their 90's, but Jim isn't old to me, he's just "Jim", my stepfather and good friend. The world's about to get a little bit smaller as we lose another great one.
Please say a prayer for our family if you wouldn't mind. Going to be a tough road for mom. I'm sure sorry to hear this, Roy. It sounds like Jim had a good run, but that doesn't make things easier for him, or you, or your mom.
TV has become nothing more than the Petri dish where this country grows its idiots.
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Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 115,424 Likes: 13
Campfire Sage
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Campfire Sage
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 115,424 Likes: 13 |
I'd take him to the Mayo Clinic and get a real opinion.
I doubt that diagnosis was given by anybody worth a fugk in their profession.
Honest question. Do you think there is a doctor somewhere that would fight for a mans life in their 90's with stage 4 cancer? I honestly don't know. I could add he's beaten other types of cancer at least three times before! Super positive, move forward kind of guy. No idea.
Trump being classless,tasteless and clueless as usual. Sorry, trump is a no tax payin pile of shiit. My young wife decided to play the field and had moved several dudes into my house
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Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 151,770 Likes: 15
Campfire Savant
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Campfire Savant
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 151,770 Likes: 15 |
I’m sorry to hear of that, that type of cancer has taken several people I know. It has to be hell on your mom.
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Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 21,807 Likes: 8
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 21,807 Likes: 8 |
I dropped 100% of everything in mid February to care for my dad... he passed...
I am 100% with my mother now... she is in the final weeks, days... hours in her losing battle with Pancreatic cancer.
A life with few regrets is a good life.
A life with no regrets is a perfect life.
I have had many regrets in my life... but hope to add no more.
I sincerely Pray the same for each of you.
If you are not actively engaging EVERY enemy you encounter... you are allowing another to fight for you... and that is cowardice... plain and simple.
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