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Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
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Whatever you do....Do it on your terms....
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I'm a big fan of the courtesy flush.
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Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
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HG, you know what YOU need to do.... if he's an ass..adjust his chart a little.. you know, like schedule him for a circumsision and leave... 721
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Campfire Kahuna
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Campfire Kahuna
Joined: Jan 2005
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Hope it all works out for 'ya, Lady.
Will do a little quiet prayin' for that over here.
Trust your instincts, and don't drop your shields entirely.
GTC
Member, Clan of the Border Rats
-- “Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on or by imbeciles who really mean it.”- Mark Twain
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You've already been offered great advice my dear, here's what I'd add to the situation you seem to be facing.
With this caveat "Past performance doesn't guarantee future results" but it's a damned good indicator at times!
Those folks that have our number, always seem to have it to some degree.
Sounds like he has yours or had it one time and there's a part of you that still wonders if you've really broken free of that.
Wouldn't surprise me a bit as he's facing down his maker that he's some regrets about you and your mother.
Whether they're to the degree you feel appropriate, my guess is it will miss the mark some, maybe not. Maybe he'll show remorse that moves you and you can build a relationship in these later years.
But this I do know whatever you decide has to be up to you as has been stated. And you wouldn't be who you are today without the experiences you've had to bring you to here.
I've no doubt you'd be a different chick had you been the apple of daddys eye and he doted on you as fathers are supposed to do over their daughters.
But then you wouldn't be the you, that we know, and I and many others dig.
Yeah pretty is nice, but it's the stuff you post, your balls, and your thought process that makes you attractive to me.
Wouldn't be the same girl had you been raised different.
Doesn't mean it was easy or right.
But good steel is tempered by fire, not by a warming pad.
I like your mettle. Good luck HG, but know this you got what it takes to see you through regardless of which decision you make in this matter.
Even if you end up feeling like you make the wrong decision (whatever that is) you'll get through it, you either got the right stuff or acquired it along the way. Best to ya darlin' In a word OUTSTANDING and very Sage Advice! At the end of the day you always want to say "No Regrets". If you can sleep well at night then you have done the right thing but in the end do what is best for YOU!
NRA Life Member
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Campfire Regular
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Campfire Regular
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I think that you should go and see him and take along some of the good advice that has been offered by others here. You may well not get forgiveness as he may not fully understand or appreciate the impact of his past actions. My father made a living hell for me and my siblings, we are all dealing with it in our own way. It took me well into adulthood to forgive him and realize that he was reacting to his own upbringing and abusive parents. I have tried to break that cycle with my own child, hopefully I have been somewhat successful. I miss my father now that he is gone and choose to focus on the few good times we had that almost exclusively have to do with hunting and fishing. As was mentioned earlier you are the one in charge now so go see Dad with no fear or expectations and show him the great person you have become.
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Campfire Kahuna
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Campfire Kahuna
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 50,673 Likes: 2 |
HG Some classy stuff has been given to you here! Sorry to hear of this in some ways, but it is an opportunity for you. Rolling with it will not be your problem, nor will saying your piece. It is all about what you come away with and how that gets shaped over time. Expect no instant fixes and you will be better off. I assume by now you have seen him... I know you did/will because head-on is the only way you roll.  And that is probably best for you right here and now. The only thing of substance I would add is the need to make sure any apologies he makes are laid bare for exactly what they are. If you allow him to skirt the issue he might feel he repented like a streetwalker in confession and you might have missed it completely. Not saying you need to hang him up for interogation, just make sure and lead him the easy way to saying what is right. art
Mark Begich, Joaquin Jackson, and Heller resistance... Three huge reasons to worry about the NRA.
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Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Oct 2004
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Do what ya will but I say [bleep]'um,being on deaths door 'aint the time to make things nice,had he come to this revelation on his own without the Maker tugg'in at his shirt tails may be a different story.Do what's best for you and makes YOU feel right, and I'll say an extra prayer or 2 for ya for peace of mind on which ever road ya take. I respectfully disagree, all though I do understand the sentiment. I feel that God often uses a near death experience to shake people into reality. For some it is the only thing that works. He says to "Do what's best for you..." What is best for you? Forgiveness. I feel that you have forgiven him or you would not even consider seeing him. And having forgiven him you are hoping for the best and for a major change in his personality. My sister has been estranged from my family for years. She and my father clashed constantly in her teen years. She left at 18 never to return home. Dad hired detectives and found out where she had gone. Then spent more than he could afford flying around and attempting to bring her home. My sister, being a pathological liar, has never really changed. I have not seen her in over 20 years but, I have talked to her often. My point in all this is that, even though my sister has not changed, I have forgiven her for the trauma she has caused in my family over the years. I have tried to turn her around. I have tried to get her to forgive dad for whatever wrong she feels he has done, real or imagined. I have done my part and even though not successful, I have done all I could. Maybe a near death experience would knock her into reality? The Bible instructs us to forgive or we will not be forgiven. Even if you don't believe in God or the Bible it has a lot of wisdom that even the atheheists could live by. My best to you. Matt. 6:14&15 Have forgiven those that have tresspassed against me,but still say [bleep]'um your outta my life now...thats just my way I guess,don't have any tolerance for those that abuse women and children
My dog is a member of the "Turd Like Clan"
Covert Trail Cameras are JUNK
3 Time Dinkathon Champion #DinkGOAT
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Campfire Regular
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My girlfriend actually just went through a similar situation with her real father. Although he was not in an accident, and they had more contact that it sounds like you and your father had but they had been talking more and they met in San Fransisco for vacation recently and it actually turned out very well. She got a lot of questions answered that she didnt understand when she was younger. Whatever you decide to do just make sure its what you want and to try to keep a level head about it. Whatever you decide I wish you the best of luck.
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Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Jan 2001
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I saw your point. We can forgive those who have done us wrong and move on. Forgiving does not mean we have to trust, condone, or have anything to do with that person.
We can forgive for our own well being. To shake off the dust of the past. Simply lay down that baggage and refuse to carry it one more step. Someone already said forgiving does not mean condoning. One can forgive a small slight and continue a relationship. One can also forgive and let God judge / condem. Some times forgiving does include saying Puck'em and walking away.
"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing."
Edmund Burke 1795
"Give me liberty or give me death"
Patrick Henry 1775
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Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 27,692 |
This has been a rough couple days...so I'll keep this short.
As some of you know, cuz I haven't kept much a secret, with regard to my family.....
Well, I got a call the other night...that my father was in a horrible accident and was in ICU....and not in good shape. He had been run over by a truck....etc....etc...and taken by life flight to a hosp.
Well. I had MAJOR mixed feelings, to say the least. As this was the man that made my youth a living and eternal HELL. Let's just say he was abusive...and I still carry the baggage. I haven't talked to him in going on 10 years.....pretty much after he left my mother....and got himself a new wife....and had some new kids. I picked my pieces up and went to Uni......and started my life, as best I could.
Anyhow, I was faced with a decision the other night....call him, for the first time in 10 years....or pretend like it didn't matter....ignore the message....or....or...or...
In short. I called him. I was shaking when his wife got on the phone...literally, shaking like a leaf in a windstorm!! I didn't know what to say...didn't know how to react....was pretty much shooting from the hip, with my responses.
I just needed to know if he was dead...it is sooooo hard to explain.
Anyhow, damn....tried to keep this short and it is dragging.
He wants to see me.
I haven't seen this man in something like 10 years.....but I can't help but hope he has changed and wants to apologize...and make things right....and maybe give some closure...if that makes sense.
What would you guys do? I am ALL ears, cuz...really, I am so confused I don't know what I should do.
I talked to him on the phone and it was like the freakiest thing EVER....I felt like that same vulnerable 15 year old that didn't know how the hell to get myself outta the mess, if that makes sense....but I wasn't that same vulnerable kid...I was an adult, with my chit together....and I could hear the regret in his voice (or maybe I just wanted to hear that...I dunno)...
Sorry for the blab....but some honest opinions would be greatly appreciated......
HoundGirl This is a tough decision you have facing you HG. But don't fret too much I have no doubt you'll make the right choice. HBB
Member: Clan of the Turdlike People.
Courage is Fear that has said its Prayers
�If we ever forget that we are one nation under God, then we will be a nation gone under.� Ronald Reagan.
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Campfire Outfitter
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OP
Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 8,930 |
I simply can't thank you guys enough for all the great advice and well wishes.
He is going to live....although, he has a long road of rehab and recovery ahead of him. He was run over by a truck. From what I understand, the lady accidently put her car into reverse and hit the gas like she was in drive. The truck wheels sucked him under and the truck ran over his entire body, including his head. He has bruised kidneys, spleen, liver...etc...countless broken ribs and serious head trauma. The doctors said it was a miracle that it didn't kill him. Ironically, the head trauma has affected his memory....and he isn't very lucid....but should recover, for the most part.
In short, I suspect I will go and see him. I will go withOUT expectations...and with my guard up. After all, this is the man that use to beat the livin chit out of me and toss me around like a rag doll. The same man that use to make me watch while he kicked/punched the dog...and every time I'd scream he'd kick her harder. The same man is still in there....as is the same skinny little defenseless kid is in me. 10 years may have passed....and he may be doing better with his new kids.....but it will never change the past....NEVER.
I got a lot on my plate right now....but I am going to keep the same promise I made to myself when I left....'I'd rather be dead than let my past keep me from my future'....nomatter how crazy and scary it might feel....
Thanks, again....for all the thoughtful advice and direction. You guys are the bestest!!!
HoundGirl
Its not the size of the dog in the fight, its the size of the fight in the dog.
-- Mark Twain
Part of me lives with the wind in my face,
while the other part is barely alive.
--Mary Gauthier
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HoundGirl, There's some sage advice in your post. Don't ever forget it. Best to you and Ned, Chris I simply can't thank you guys enough for all the great advice and well wishes.
He is going to live....although, he has a long road of rehab and recovery ahead of him. He was run over by a truck. From what I understand, the lady accidently put her car into reverse and hit the gas like she was in drive. The truck wheels sucked him under and the truck ran over his entire body, including his head. He has bruised kidneys, spleen, liver...etc...countless broken ribs and serious head trauma. The doctors said it was a miracle that it didn't kill him. Ironically, the head trauma has affected his memory....and he isn't very lucid....but should recover, for the most part.
In short, I suspect I will go and see him. I will go withOUT expectations...and with my guard up. After all, this is the man that use to beat the livin chit out of me and toss me around like a rag doll. The same man that use to make me watch while he kicked/punched the dog...and every time I'd scream he'd kick her harder. The same man is still in there....as is the same skinny little defenseless kid is in me. 10 years may have passed....and he may be doing better with his new kids.....but it will never change the past....NEVER.
I got a lot on my plate right now....but I am going to keep the same promise I made to myself when I left....'I'd rather be dead than let my past keep me from my future'....nomatter how crazy and scary it might feel....
Thanks, again....for all the thoughtful advice and direction. You guys are the bestest!!!
HoundGirl
NRA Life Member
"All hunters should be nature lovers"
~Theodore Roosevelt~
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Campfire Tracker
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PM Sent.
Keep your chin up, sweetie. You'll be fine.
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HG,
....'I'd rather be dead than let my past keep me from my future'....
That is a very telling and profound statement!! It says alot about who you are and the spirit you have. It may not be fun, but you will get through this and life will go on.
Best wishes to you and Ned
Jeff
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New Member
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New Member
Joined: Jul 2007
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Go see him, without any expectations. Don't be dissappointed if it goes south. You will always wonder otherwise, and let him add yet another regret to your baggage. He's your father, and that should count for something, if only for a chance to make his eventual passing better than the past several years.
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Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Oct 2004
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He's your father, and that should count for something The term father is used too loosely. A father is someone who raises and nurtures ya, being a sperm donor don't make ya a father...
My dog is a member of the "Turd Like Clan"
Covert Trail Cameras are JUNK
3 Time Dinkathon Champion #DinkGOAT
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Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
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Hey Girl, I'm sorry I didn't find this thread last night! I can't add anything any better than has already been said, but know that whatever you went through growing up helped you become the girl we all know and love now. You've handled it well, to say the least. If you go see this person expecting an apology, you may not get it; but that's got nothing to do with who YOU are. Stand tall, and if you need a hand to hold, we're here...Ken & Mrs Bulletbutt.
Last edited by Bulletbutt; 07/25/07.
I saw a movie where only the military and the police had guns. It was called Schindler's List.
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Campfire Tracker
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He's your father, and that should count for something The term father is used too loosely. A father is someone who raises and nurtures ya, being a sperm donor don't make ya a father... True.
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Campfire Tracker
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....'I'd rather be dead than let my past keep me from my future'....nomatter how crazy and scary it might feel.... Atta girl, wish more people thought like that! Learn from the past, don't live there. 
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HG, I've lived through some of the same stuff. Once my father became a broken down old man I couldn't hate him anymore even when I tried. I stayed pizzed for a lot of years even after the threat ended but it finally reached a point where there was no point to continuing anger or hatred cause it sure hurt me more than him. Regrets are hard to express for anyone. Just make yourself realize he can't physically hurt you like he did before and he can only jerk you around if you let him. Best wishes, Ward
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