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Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 115,424 Likes: 13
Campfire Sage
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Campfire Sage
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 115,424 Likes: 13 |
Only thing I would add is that I would make sure she understands I would have been there had I been able. I think it's important that she understands that. IF she brings it up.
Trump being classless,tasteless and clueless as usual. Sorry, trump is a no tax payin pile of shiit. My young wife decided to play the field and had moved several dudes into my house
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Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 152,728 Likes: 55
Campfire Savant
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Campfire Savant
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 152,728 Likes: 55 |
Tell her that as time goes by her pain will be less.You don’t get over the loss of a loved one, but you get past it (that’s true about a lot of things). You can tell her as long as she remembers her grandmother, she is still with her. Lost my mother young, it’s hard on a young person.
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Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 9,097
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 9,097 |
in my experience, kids, even pretty young ones, understand the concept of death. No sense in sugar coating it. Very true and they don't seem so hung up on it like some 'adults'. How the child sees the adults cope with it can be important... as often is the case actions/example speak louder than words. Dont deny them their grief and don't exacerbate it. My 10 yr niece wanted to see grandpa in the open casket, the mother thought it was a bad idea.. I suggested take her and she did. I took it that the mother was uncomfortable with seeing a corpse, where my niece just wanted to see her grandpa for the last time. I thought it would be good for the closure process in the long run.
-Bulletproof and Waterproof don't mean Idiotproof.
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Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 67,691 Likes: 78
Campfire Kahuna
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Campfire Kahuna
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 67,691 Likes: 78 |
Doesn’t sound like you need to do a whole lot if she is already there in the situation.
Just an extra long hug next chance.
My kids grew up around it, big ext family (in laws) someone was droppin off once a month. (I hate for it sound like that) lol. But between that and some other oldsters at our church, dang it’s like we are regulars at the funeral home. Us Baptists are sickos we feel the need drag children to funerals and body viewings. A gawk session.
I just enjoy the KFC and mini subs in the parlor room.
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Joined: Dec 2020
Posts: 488
Campfire Member
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Campfire Member
Joined: Dec 2020
Posts: 488 |
My nieces were 2 and 5 when my Mom died from cancer. They were very close and they handled it better than I would have ever thought. Be an escape for your daughter but talk about it if she wants to but there’s nothing you can say she hasn’t heard from 100 other people.
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Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 4,774
Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 4,774 |
Sheeeeyit, you can't hardly explain it to adults.
When my daughter was 4, my wife's grandmother died. We were at the visitation. As we are filing past the coffin, I told my daughter that we were going to say bye bye to great Grandma. We get up to the coffin and darned if that kid didnt yell, Bye Bye, Great Grandma! I almost vaporlocked. Everyone laughed, it was ok.
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Joined: Jan 2017
Posts: 8,973 Likes: 11
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Jan 2017
Posts: 8,973 Likes: 11 |
High Noon you got it covered sounds like your daughter has more maturity than the ex. Mb
" Cheapest velocity in the world comes from a long barrel and I sure do like them. MB "
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Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 9,097
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 9,097 |
I like your 4 yo childs approach, adults can get too morbid and keep up silly pretences at funerals.
-Bulletproof and Waterproof don't mean Idiotproof.
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Joined: May 2008
Posts: 25,701 Likes: 47
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 25,701 Likes: 47 |
We started our kids and grandkids from day one. Slowly introduced them to killing animals for food, their chickens, 4H pigs and lambs, FFA beef, pets get old and die, relatives and neighbors get old or sick and die. It was never dramatized, it was treated as a step in the cycle of life and accepted as inevitable. This is worth repeating. 👍 We did the same thing. When they wanted chickens we told them that they had to help butcher when the time came. Several months later they were reluctantly slitting throats and ripping feathers. 😂. We made quarts of soup and stock and they canned it after. Start to finish, real farm to table. Same with deer or elk. They butcher and process, snake and cure. Our children are the few I know of that had broken down a deer and processed ..... from jerky to pepperoni, by the time they were 10 they can do it themselves. I don’t recommend the same approach with grandma however. 😁
�Politicians are the lowest form of life on earth. Liberal Democrats are the lowest form of politician.� �General George S. Patton, Jr.
--------------------------------------------------------- ~Molɔ̀ːn Labé Skýla~
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Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 8,793
Campfire Outfitter
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OP
Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 8,793 |
Thanks. I did tell her, via txt, that I was sorry I couldn't be there for her, but I didn't tell her why - not wanting to bad-mouth her mother, but I'm almost certain she knows the reason, however.
l told my pap and mam I was going to be a mountain man; acted like they was gut-shot. Make your life go here. Here's where the peoples is. Mother Gue, I says, the Rocky Mountains is the marrow of the world, and by God, I was right. - Del Gue
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Joined: Apr 2017
Posts: 3,315 Likes: 2
Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Apr 2017
Posts: 3,315 Likes: 2 |
You will do the right thing automatically, for the benefit of your daughter. Although her grandmother will no longer be able to hold her and comfort her, your steady presence, even from afar, will help her understand
We know your heart. She will also. Better days are ahead and grandmother is no longer suffering.
Not all kids get the dad they deserve. This is a nice exception.
Hang in there. Prayers your way, if that helps.
DITTO !!!!!
"If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die, I want to go where they went" Will Rogers
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Joined: Jul 2020
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Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Jul 2020
Posts: 3,964 Likes: 1 |
Thanks. I did tell her, via txt, that I was sorry I couldn't be there for her, but I didn't tell her why - not wanting to bad-mouth her mother, but I'm almost certain she knows the reason, however. Taking the high road like you are is the right thing. You and her will have plenty of opportunity later on down the road to talk about history. As she grows and matures, she will respect you for doing so. Best wishes - it's never easy, is it.
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Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 8,793
Campfire Outfitter
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OP
Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 8,793 |
How the child sees the adults cope with it can be important... as often is the case actions/example speak louder than words. This is exactly why I suggested to the ex that I wanted my daughter over here to get a break form it all - at least for a little while. My G-d, the women in that family wail like crazed Iranian women and I didn't want my daughter exposed to all that ridiculous behavior - it's simply not right and I don't want my daughter getting the idea that such behavior is acceptable. Of course, the ex dismissed my concerns outright, just like she has done with everything I've ever suggested to her - only to later realize I was correct in my suggestions and assessments - each and ever time. Now I've got to once again counteract the ex and her shortsighted crazy beliefs, which my daughter has been exposed to. And if that's not bad enough, I'm now dealing with the fallout of her mother's anti-gun, anti-outdoor, anti-fishing, anti-camping, pro-gay, pro-illegal immigration attitudes which have begun to rub off on my daughter. She no longer wants to go to the ranch or shoot the .22 anymore! ...and she now thinks "Mexican" is a bad word! Though, to her credit, she does vote Republican and calls herself a Conservative. This all puts me into a very difficult situation. I cannot bad-mouth her mother too much at all, and I'm finding it difficult to explain things to her in a short and concise manner. She used to love doing all the things that I mentioned above, yet she has been spending more time with her mother and now, at 10 years old, she doesn't seem to want to hear any of it and she's beginning to pull away. For crying out loud, the ex thinks it's a good idea to send her back to school, where she'll be required to wear a mask 7-8 hrs/day! I told her that I'll be dammed if I will let those commie bastards turn my daughter into a good apparatchik. Sorry - end of rant.
Last edited by High_Noon; 01/11/21.
l told my pap and mam I was going to be a mountain man; acted like they was gut-shot. Make your life go here. Here's where the peoples is. Mother Gue, I says, the Rocky Mountains is the marrow of the world, and by God, I was right. - Del Gue
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Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 47,300 Likes: 19
Campfire 'Bwana
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Campfire 'Bwana
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 47,300 Likes: 19 |
Thanks fellers, for all your comments.
Yes, honesty and truth are paramount and I have certainly been honest with her. I just spoke to her a few minutes ago and she seems to be handling the situation well.
stx: Yep, the ex is a real piece of work sometimes. I'm much happier now that I'm divorced, much.
BorderDoc: Thanks, Bud.
Aces: Yep, I'm doing my best to teach her well, but I've had to dial back the political commentary, which causes her concern and a bit of angst. I've also had to try and gently counteract some of the stuff her mother teaches her, which I've not had a great deal of luck with, but I am working on it, just a bit at a time so as to not loose her attention. Thanks. I've been divorced from my first wife for over thirty yrs, but we remained friends.
God bless Texas----------------------- Old 300 I will remain what i am until the day I die- A HUNTER......Sitting Bull Its not how you pick the booger.. but where you put it !! Roger V Hunter
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Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 8,793
Campfire Outfitter
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OP
Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 8,793 |
So the ex told me that in accordance with her Mother's wishes the funeral was just going to be held with the immediate family, 10-12 people max, and I was told by her not to attend.
I just spoke to my daughter. She said that the funeral was nice and she asked me if I watched it on Zoom. I told her that no one told me it was on Zoom. She said: "well the room was almost full anyway." I asked her why her mother told me only the immediate family was supposed to attend. She said: "Yeah, it would have been weird if you were there."
So the ex lied to me about her mother's final wishes, lied about only the immediate family attending and prevented me from being there to comfort my daughter and to pay my respects.
What a wonderful person she is.
Last edited by High_Noon; 01/11/21.
l told my pap and mam I was going to be a mountain man; acted like they was gut-shot. Make your life go here. Here's where the peoples is. Mother Gue, I says, the Rocky Mountains is the marrow of the world, and by God, I was right. - Del Gue
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Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 4,774
Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 4,774 |
Probably a lot harder to explain to kid why their parent is crazier than a [bleep] rat than why someone died. Sorry about your ex being crazy.
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Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 28,411
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 28,411 |
I like your 4 yo childs approach, adults can get too morbid and keep up silly pretences at funerals. At a recent funeral for a Cajun podnah several of us were gathered around the coffee pot when one gent said, “well, he’s in a better place now I reckon “., to which another Cajun podnah said, “wasn’t nothing wrong with being right f’kn here”. High Noon, as others have said, you’ve done it well. Sorry to hear about the relationship with the ex. That’s a difficult one for sure.
The degree of my privacy is no business of yours.
What we've learned from history is that we haven't learned from it.
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Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 8,793
Campfire Outfitter
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OP
Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 8,793 |
Yep. You make yer choices and you pay the price.
l told my pap and mam I was going to be a mountain man; acted like they was gut-shot. Make your life go here. Here's where the peoples is. Mother Gue, I says, the Rocky Mountains is the marrow of the world, and by God, I was right. - Del Gue
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Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 580
Campfire Regular
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Campfire Regular
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 580 |
Our purpose in life is to know, love and serve God so that we can be with Him forever in Heaven. God knows when we have done the best we can and are ready to be with Him. Amen.
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Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 16,422 Likes: 15
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 16,422 Likes: 15 |
I would not, over think it.
Did your daughter have any pets - goldfish, hamsters, mice, cats in their childhood?
Epstein didn't kill himself.
"Play Cinnamon Girl you Sonuvabitch!"
Biden didn't win the election.
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