Home Forums Hunting & Shooting Hunter's Campfire Classy Insults

I’ve taught you every thing I know and you still don’t know nothing. Old plumber.

So, what’s your name?

Sam

Sam, okay, well fùck you, Sam.


Always a classic.

“Well, bless your heart!” (Always said in a condescending tone from an elderly Southern lady to another younger female that says or does something stupid, often followed with a not so discreet correction). Heard this many times growing up in Texas

You still hear that here!

“Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.”
― Will Rogers

“Never miss a good chance to shut up.”
― Will Rogers

A very localized one I never quite “got”:

“Your ass sucks buttermilk”

Most don't use much "class", insulting me.

“I’m sitting in the smallest room in the house. I have your letter before me. Soon, it will be behind me” -Voltaire

“If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.”
― Will Rogers
“Too many people spend money they haven't earned, to buy things they don't want, to impress people that they don't like.”
― Will Rogers
“There are three kinds of men. The ones that learn by readin’. The few who learn by observation.
The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.”
― Will Rogers
“Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.”
― Will Rogers
“There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.”
― Will Rogers
“All I know is just what I read in the papers, and that's an alibi for my ignorance.”
― Will Rogers
“Rumor travels faster, but it don't stay put as long as truth. ”
― Will Rogers
“I never met a man that I didn't like.”
― Will Rogers
“Don't let yesterday take up too much of today”
― Will Rogers
“The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.”
― Will Rogers
“Common sense ain't common.”
― Will Rogers
“Everyone is ignorant, only on different subjects.”
― Will Rogers
“Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip.”
― Will Rogers
“Do the best you can, and don't take life too serious.”
― Will Rogers
“When you find yourself in a hole, quit digging.”
― Will Rogers
“The minute you read something that you can't understand, you can almost be sure that it was drawn up by a lawyer. ”
― Will Rogers
“You know, everybody's ignorant, just on different subjects.”
― Will Rogers
“We can't all be heroes because somebody has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by.”
― will rogers
“The short memories of the American voters is what keeps our politicians in office.”
― Will Rogers
“A man only learns in two ways, one by reading, and the other by association with smarter people. ”
― Will Rogers
“When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.”
― Will Rogers
“If pro is the opposite of con, what is the opposite of Congress?”
― Will Rogers
“A fool and his money are soon elected.”
― Will Rogers
“If stupidity got us in this mess, how come it can't get us out.”
― Will Rogers
“I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.”
― Will Rogers
“Always drink upstream from the herd.”
― Will Rogers
“Lead your life so you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip. ”
― Will Rogers
“The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected.”
― Will Rogers
“If you want to be successful, it's just this simple. Know what you are doing. Love what you are doing. And believe in what you are doing.”
― Will Rogers
“Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.”
― Will Rogers
“The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it in your back pocket.”
― Will Rogers
“Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know “why” I look this way. I’ve traveled a long way and some of the roads weren’t paved.”
― Will Rogers
“The more you observe politics, the more you've got to admit that each party is worse than the other.”
― Will Rogers
“Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.”
― Will Rogers
“Ten men in our country could buy the whole world and ten million can't buy enough to eat.”
― Will Rogers
“It takes a lifetime to build a good reputation, but you can lose it in a minute.”
― Will Rogers
“An onion can make people cry, but there has never been a vegetable invented to make them laugh.”
― Will Rogers
“You know horses are smarter than people. You never heard of a horse going broke betting on people.”
― Will Rogers
“The difference between death and taxes is death doesn’t get worse every time Congress meets.”
― Will Rogers
“I am not a member of any organized political party — I am a Democrat. ”
― Will Rogers
“If you want to be successful, it's just this simple. Know what you are doing. Love what you are doing. And believe in what you are doing.”
― Will Rogers
“The problem ain't what people know. It's what people know that ain't so that's the problem.”
― Will Rogers
“Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're actually paying for.”
― Will Rogers
32 likesLike
“There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.”
― Will Rogers
“What the country needs is dirtier fingernails and cleaner minds.”
― Will Rogers
“If you feel the urge, don't be afraid to go on a wild goose chase. What do you think wild geese are for anyway?”
― Will Rogers
“There are men running governments who shouldn't be allowed to play with matches.”
― Will Rogers
“Buy land. They ain't making any more of the stuff.”
― Will Rogers
“There is no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.”
― Will Rogers
“The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has.”
― Will Rogers
“you can't say civilization dont advance, in every war they kill you in a new way”
― will rogers
“Most men are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.”
― Will Rogers
“Lord, the money we do spend on Government and it's not one bit better than the government we got for one-third the money twenty years ago.”
― Will Rogers
“It is better for some one to think you're a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.”
― Will Rogers
“Give her a day, and then in return Momma gives you the other 364.”
― Will Rogers
“Personally, I have always felt that the best doctor in the world is the Veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter...he's just got to know.”
― Will Rogers
“It's not what we don't know that hurts. It's what we know that ain't so.”
― Will Rogers
“When you're through learning, you're through.”
― Will Rogers
“I'll bet you the time ain't far off when a woman won't know any more than a man.”
― Will Rogers
“Things ain't what they used to be and probably never was.”
― Will Rogers
“Get all the good laughs you can.”
― Will Rogers
“The only way to beat the lawyers is to die with nothing.”
― Will Rogers
“This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer.”
― Will Rogers
“If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.”
― Will Rogers
“Liberty doesn’t work as well in practice as it does in speeches.”
― Will Rogers
“Even if you are on the right track, but just sit there, you will still get run over.”
― Will Rogers
“A man that don’t love a horse, there is something the matter with him.”
― Will Rogers
“Plans get you into things but you've got to work your way out.”
― Will Rogers
“The best way to make a fire with two sticks is to make sure one of them is a match.”
― Will Rogers
“Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.”
― Will Rogers
“People's minds are changed through observation and not through argument.”
― Will Rogers
“Ignorance lies not in the things you don't know, but in the things you know that ain't so.”
― Will Rogers
“There’s only one thing that can kill the movies, and that’s education.”
― Will Rogers
“Heroing is one of the shortest-lived professions there is.”
― Will Rogers
“I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat.”
― Will Rogers
13 likesLike
“Lord, let me live until I die.”
― Will Rogers
13 likesLike
“Don't let yesterday use up too much of today.”
― Will Rogers
“Everything is funny as long as it is happening to someone else.”
― Will Rogers
“An ignorant person is one who doesn't know what you have just found out.”
― Will Rogers
“I like to hear a man talk about himself because then I never hear anything, but good.”
― Will Rogers
“When you find youself in a hole - stop digging.”
― Will Rogers
“If you ever injected truth into politics you would have no politics.”
― Will Rogers
“Democrats never agree on anything, that's why they're Democrats. If they agreed with each other, they would be Republicans.”
― Will Rogers
“If you can't identify it, don't stick it in your mouth.”
― Will Rogers
“You never get a second chance to make a first impression”
― will rogers
“The only difference between death and taxes is that death doesn’t get worse every time Congress meets.”
― Will Rogers
“It's almost been worth this depression to find out how little our big men know.”
― Will Rogers
“I never met a person that I did not want to like”
― Will Rogers
“The more you read and observe about this Politics thing,
you got to admit that each party is worse than the other.
The one that's out always looks the best”
― Will Rogers
“People only learn through two things. One is reading and the other is association with smarter people”
― Will Rogers
“So live that you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.”
― Will Rogers, Will Rogers
“I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago.”
― Will Rogers
“I belong to no organized party. I am a Democrat.”
― Will Rogers
“No man is great if he thinks he is.”
― Will Rogers
“I don't make jokes, I just watch the government and report the facts.”
― Will Rogers, The Quotable Will Rogers
“You can be on the right track and still get run over by the 2:40 from Albuquerque.”
― Will Rogers
“Congress didn't vote on the bills, they just wave at them as they go by.”
― Will Rogers
“America is becoming so educated that ignorance will be a novelty. I will belong to the select few.”
― Will Rogers
“We'll show the world we are prosperous if we have to go broke to do it.”
― Will Rogers
“It's a good thing the American people aren't getting all the government they're paying for.”
― Will Rogers
“It isn't what we don't know that gives us trouble. It's what we know that ain't so.”
― Will Rogers
“Everybody is ignorant, Just on different subjects.”
― Will Rogers
“I never met a man I didn't like.”
― Will Rogers
Even though you are on the right track - you will get run over if you just sit there”
― Will Rogers
tags: will-rogers6 likesLike
“Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me; I want people to know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long way, and some of the roads weren't paved.”
― Will Rogers
“One thing we got to be thankful for our Soldiers can win wars faster than our Diplomats can talk us into them,”
― Will Rogers, Rogers-Isms, The Cowboy Philosopher On The Peace Conference
“There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves." -Will Rogers”
― Will Rogers, The Quotable Will Rogers
“Being a hero is about the shortest-lived profession on Earth.”
― Will Rogers
“Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to someone else.”
― Will Rogers
“Things aren't what they used to be and probably never were.”
― Will Rogers
“In order to succeed, you must know what you are doing, like what you are doing, and believe in what you are doing.”
― Will Rogers
“If there are no dogs in Heaven, then I want to go where they do.”
― Will Rogers
“If stupidity got us into this, why can't stupidity get us out?”
― Will Rogers
“I joked about every prominent man in my lifetime, but I never met one I didn't like.”
― Will Rogers
“Never miss a good chance to shut up.”
― Will Rogers”
“If you want to be successful, it's just this simple: Know what you're doing. Love what you're doing. And believe in what you're doing.”
― Will Rogers
“Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.”
― Will Rogers
4 likesLike
“Rumor travels faster, but it don't stay put as long as truth. ”
― Will Rogers”
“Successful colleges will start laying plans for a new stadium; unsuccessful ones will start hunting a new coach.”
― Will Rogers
“Just be glad you're not getting all the government you're paying for”
― Will Rogers
3 likesLike
“We can't all be heroes, because somebody has to sit on the curb and applaud when they go by.”
― Will Rogers
“Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.”
― Will Rogers
“I belong to no organized political party; I’m a Democrat”
― Will Rogers
“If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?”
― Will Rogers
“It isn't what we don't know that gives us trouble, it's what we know that ain't so.”
― Will Rogers
“An onion can make people cry,
but there has never been a vegetable invented to make them laugh.”
― Will Rogers
“In this country people don’t vote for, they vote against.”
― Will Rogers
“Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.”
― Will Rogers
“The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.”
― Will Rogers, Will Rogers
“If you get to thinking you're a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else's dog around”
― Will Rogers
“You give us long enough to argue over something and we will bring you in proofs to show that the Ten Commandments should never be ratified.”
― Will Rogers, Will Rogers Says...Favorite Quotations
“Never in our history was we able to blame someone else for our troubles.”
― Will Rogers
“We can get hot and bothered quicker over nothing, and cool off faster than any nation in the world.”
― Will Rogers
“Us middle class...never have to worry about having old furniture to point out to our friends. We buy it on payments and before it’s paid for it’s plenty antique.”
― Will Rogers
“You know no nation has a monopoly on good things, each one has something that the others could well afford to adopt.”
― Will Rogers
“There is two things that tickle the fancy of our citizens, one is let him act on a committee, and the other is promise him to let him walk in a parade. What America needs is to get more mileage out of our parades.”
― Will Rogers
“My ancestors didn’t come over on the Mayflower, but they met ‘em at the boat.”
― Will Rogers
“There is a fine breed for you, Irish-Indian. My family crest would be a Shillalah with a Tomahawk on one end.”
― Will Rogers
“This country has gotten where it is in spite of politics, not by the aid of it.”
― Will Rogers
“Betrayed by friendship is not a bad memorial to leave.”
― Will Rogers
“There’s nothing in common between politics and civilization.”
― Will Rogers
“It’s a great country but you can’t live in it for nothing.”
― Will Rogers
“The present generation doesn’t know what a milestone is. They go so fast nowadays that miles mean nothing.”
― Will Rogers
“A liberal is a man who wants to use his own ideas on things in preference to generations who, he knows, know more than he does.”
― Will Rogers
“Mothers are the only race of people that speak the same tongue.”
― Will Rogers
“Where I come from if a man can’t think of anything to pray about offhand, why, there is no need of him praying.”
― Will Rogers
“The more learned a man is the less consideration he has for another man’s belief.”
― Will Rogers
“You would be surprised what there is to see in this great country within 200 miles of where any of us live. I don’t care what State or what town.”
― Will Rogers
“A stranger is just a friend I haven't met yet”
― Will Rogers
“If you wait until you’re ready, you’ll wait forever.”
― Will Rogers
“Nothing makes a man broad minded like adversity.”
― Will Rogers
“Ireland treats you more like a friend than a tourist.”
― Will Rogers
“Don’t Let Yesterday Take Up Too Much Of Today.”
― Will Rogers
“Don't wait to buy real estate. Buy real estate and wait”
― Will Rogers
“I am not a member of any organized party -- I am a Democrat”
― Will Rogers
“I never mewt a man I didn't like.”
― Will Rogers, American Humor and Satire
Thank God we don't get all the government we pay for.”
― Will Rogers
“The worst thing that happens to you. May be the best thing for you if you don't let it get the best of you!!”
― Will Rogers

Well, the trouble with our liberal friends is not that they're ignorant; it's just that they know so much that isn't so.”

Ronald Reagan

“This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer.”

This Will Rogers quote kinda stuck out to me. miles

I loved WFB
His “debate “ with Jessie Jackson was a one way bi tch slap

Watched his show with a drunken Kerouac again about a year ago. Kerouac was giving the hippie on the show the seig heil, and hit the drunken nail on the head about the left wanting complete control back in 1968.

"I don't hate people, but I feel better when they're not around" -unattributed Not an insult but close.

"I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll make an exception “

Groucho Marx!

Did your dad have any kids that lived?

When you were circumcised the threw away the wrong end.

Lady Astor vs Churchill:
At breakfast one morning Nancy said to him, ‘Winston, if I was married to you, I’d put poison in your coffee.’ Winston Churchill replied: ‘Nancy, if I was married to you, I’d drink it.'”

On Groucho's You Bet Your Life:
A contestant was getting grief for having a dozen children with his final remark in defense being that he loved his wife. Groucho's response was that he loved his cigar, but he took it out once in a while.

There are two kinds of people, and I don't like either one.

Woman on Street: Sir, you are drunk; very, very drunk.
Winston Churchill: Madame, you are ugly; very, very ugly. I shall be sober in the morning....

Lady Astor to Churchill: Sir, if you were my husband I'd poison your coffee.
Churchill: If you were my wife I'd drink it.

Tag. Love these old quotes.