Home Forums Hunting & Shooting Hunter's Campfire Workplace shît-breaks....

Always boot prints up top next to the seat. They stand up there and squat over the hole and usually miss and crap on the seat.
Friend owns a porta John company, said when the go to trade shows “the scheitter show”. There’s actually models made for south of the border that have places for your feet up top....

Just for the office guys, anyone know what a “lily pad” is in a porta John? Hint, keeps you from getting a smurf blue ass.

Worked at a fab shop where a new hire wanted to make his name by having motion detectors installed in the bathrooms. After 10 minutes “boom boom out go the lights”. Savin’ the planet ya know.
Within 3 days, the motion detectors were found on the bathroom floors, looking like they had been on the receiving end of 1” diameter 1018 cold rolled bar. That was the end of that experiment. I guess they needed more than 10 minutes.

He don’t disappoint.

Sheesh.

Hold into the scolding!

Our schitter has three stalls. We like to play Battleschits in the morning and after lunch. For team building.

Oh My Goodness, I have about pissed myself laughing at these!

The Job took me to China and in Shanghai I got the chits. Public restroom on the waterfront, could smell it from a 100 yards. Needed some paper and it takes a coin and I had none. Somehow managed to change a bill to coins and got a packet of tissue. Go into a stall and the hole in the floor is fugged up , chit and piss everywhere and you squat with nothing to hold onto and its slick. Managed to take care of my business and opened the tissue while squatting and its the equivalent of about 5 squares of our tp. Went into a hotel and did a re wipe soon there after. The chithole in the forbidden city was even scarier . I imagine many westerners slip in those places ,poor old folks and the handicapped .

Ain’t goin there!!!

Well fellas when its touching cotton ya gotta do what ya gotta do ! , I have become some what of an expert of on the subject of getting some relief at other places than the public access crappers! I challenge folks to get creative with this . My personal best was a welders bucket left unattended! surprise surprise!

Not me. But i heard this story from several ppl that was there.

Guy i worked with offshore, was in Derrick tripping pipe.

Had the pain hit. Called down for someone to come up to relief him long enough to run to chitter.

No one would. So he chit down a stand of pipe.

When he latched that stand up and it picked up. Looked like Keebler elves had been there.. 😂😂. ‘Cept it weren’t brownies.

Went to a rifle range one afternoon and someone had sprayed diarrhea in the grass beside the benches and wiped with a sock.

Must have had ol Betsy lined up and shooting good.

Bathroom humor never fails! Thanks for the laughs guys, I needed it.

Was driving piles west side of Manhattan by the big post office,i was the monk on the pile driver and i got there every morning at 6:30 to climb the leads and check the dead end and grease the shivs,i d leave my hard hat on the operators seat do he d know i m up there.one morning i watched this wall street , 3 piece suit wearing yuppie and a street whore walk through the gate and go in our [bleep] house. Like 5 minutes later she comes flying out and totters off down the street in her heels,a minute later he comes out,all suited up,,i yelled down to him,"How was she?", he looks up,"She s a 10 !" and off he goes.Some dirty m f ers in the city.That blue box was nasty as hell.I still don t know how he had him,her,his brief case and room to "maneuver", at ten of seven in the morning.

Always go on the clock. No argument.

Boss makes a dollar and I make a dime, that’s why I schit on company time.

Was delivering UT season football tickets some years ago in a golf community in west Knoxville ( where the beans don’t burn). The gurgling guts hit with a vengeance and i had a jumper in the hatch with the a green go light. The country club wouldn’t let me use their facilities, since I wasn’t a member, so I had to shuffle back out into the UPS truck to schit into a plastic dr (driver release) bag. I had to use my UPS logo socks to wipe my ass with and as I drove off, I threw that filthy bag of schit with my calling card against their big gate at the entrance.

I almost felt sorry for the groundskeeper guy.....almost

Schit before work.

What a fugging bunch of old women and cripples.

Damm right - that's what coffee is for and why I make some first thing in the a.m.

Had a coworker walk out of the restroom.

"You ever feel sorry for the toilet"?

We keep a costco box of wet wipes in the bathroom at work. Call them “background checks”.

Big Jim, one day you'll get caught short and it will be epic.

Years of construction has taught me to avoid the blue room at all costs. Emergency only.

Nowadays, there's no place like home.