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Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 23,686 Likes: 1
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 23,686 Likes: 1 |
Drives me nuts. Idiots roll in at 7 and go straight in the [bleep] for 10 minutes. Roll back 20 minutes late from lunch, straight into the [bleep]. Usually ends when the Hispanic Sheetrock crews hit the job and [bleep] all over the seat and floor. You should see the porta [bleep] on the pad of a new location with nothing but roustabouts. Hell, the illegals are bad enough in public restrooms with their used chit paper on the floor. Always boot prints up top next to the seat. They stand up there and squat over the hole and usually miss and crap on the seat. Friend owns a porta John company, said when the go to trade shows “the scheitter show”. There’s actually models made for south of the border that have places for your feet up top.... Just for the office guys, anyone know what a “lily pad” is in a porta John? Hint, keeps you from getting a smurf blue ass.
Last edited by jackmountain; 05/19/21.
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Joined: Feb 2021
Posts: 1,422
Campfire Regular
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Campfire Regular
Joined: Feb 2021
Posts: 1,422 |
Worked at a fab shop where a new hire wanted to make his name by having motion detectors installed in the bathrooms. After 10 minutes “boom boom out go the lights”. Savin’ the planet ya know. Within 3 days, the motion detectors were found on the bathroom floors, looking like they had been on the receiving end of 1” diameter 1018 cold rolled bar. That was the end of that experiment. I guess they needed more than 10 minutes.
"Their minds are dead" - Carmine Ricca
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Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 86,285 Likes: 27
Campfire Oracle
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Campfire Oracle
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 86,285 Likes: 27 |
I hesitated to click on this thread and my fears were well founded...... I did enjoy VarmintGuys post though...... He don’t disappoint. Sheesh. Hold into the scolding!
If you take the time it takes, it takes less time. --Pat Parelli
American by birth; Alaskan by choice. --ironbender
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Joined: Nov 2019
Posts: 3,632 Likes: 1
Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Nov 2019
Posts: 3,632 Likes: 1 |
Our schitter has three stalls. We like to play Battleschits in the morning and after lunch. For team building.
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Joined: May 2020
Posts: 2,644
Campfire Regular
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Campfire Regular
Joined: May 2020
Posts: 2,644 |
Oh My Goodness, I have about pissed myself laughing at these!
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Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 4,594
Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 4,594 |
I dont poop at work. Or in public restrooms. People are too gross. The Job took me to China and in Shanghai I got the chits. Public restroom on the waterfront, could smell it from a 100 yards. Needed some paper and it takes a coin and I had none. Somehow managed to change a bill to coins and got a packet of tissue. Go into a stall and the hole in the floor is fugged up , chit and piss everywhere and you squat with nothing to hold onto and its slick. Managed to take care of my business and opened the tissue while squatting and its the equivalent of about 5 squares of our tp. Went into a hotel and did a re wipe soon there after. The chithole in the forbidden city was even scarier . I imagine many westerners slip in those places ,poor old folks and the handicapped .
Never take life to seriously, after all ,no one gets out of it alive.
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Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 151,839 Likes: 20
Campfire Savant
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Campfire Savant
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 151,839 Likes: 20 |
I dont poop at work. Or in public restrooms. People are too gross. The Job took me to China and in Shanghai I got the chits. Public restroom on the waterfront, could smell it from a 100 yards. Needed some paper and it takes a coin and I had none. Somehow managed to change a bill to coins and got a packet of tissue. Go into a stall and the hole in the floor is fugged up , chit and piss everywhere and you squat with nothing to hold onto and its slick. Managed to take care of my business and opened the tissue while squatting and its the equivalent of about 5 squares of our tp. Went into a hotel and did a re wipe soon there after. The chithole in the forbidden city was even scarier . I imagine many westerners slip in those places ,poor old folks and the handicapped . Ain’t goin there!!!
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Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 95
Campfire Greenhorn
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Campfire Greenhorn
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 95 |
Well fellas when its touching cotton ya gotta do what ya gotta do ! , I have become some what of an expert of on the subject of getting some relief at other places than the public access crappers! I challenge folks to get creative with this . My personal best was a welders bucket left unattended! surprise surprise!
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 19,029 Likes: 1
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 19,029 Likes: 1 |
Well fellas when its touching cotton ya gotta do what ya gotta do ! , I have become some what of an expert of on the subject of getting some relief at other places than the public access crappers! I challenge folks to get creative with this . My personal best was a welders bucket left unattended! surprise surprise! Not me. But i heard this story from several ppl that was there. Guy i worked with offshore, was in Derrick tripping pipe. Had the pain hit. Called down for someone to come up to relief him long enough to run to chitter. No one would. So he chit down a stand of pipe. When he latched that stand up and it picked up. Looked like Keebler elves had been there.. 😂😂. ‘Cept it weren’t brownies.
Dave
�The man who complains about the way the ball bounces is likely to be the one who dropped it.� Lou Holtz
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 5,694 Likes: 3
Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 5,694 Likes: 3 |
Well fellas when its touching cotton ya gotta do what ya gotta do ! , I have become some what of an expert of on the subject of getting some relief at other places than the public access crappers! I challenge folks to get creative with this . My personal best was a welders bucket left unattended! surprise surprise! Went to a rifle range one afternoon and someone had sprayed diarrhea in the grass beside the benches and wiped with a sock. Must have had ol Betsy lined up and shooting good.
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Joined: May 2005
Posts: 3,428
Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 3,428 |
Bathroom humor never fails! Thanks for the laughs guys, I needed it.
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Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 2,233
Campfire Regular
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Campfire Regular
Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 2,233 |
Was driving piles west side of Manhattan by the big post office,i was the monk on the pile driver and i got there every morning at 6:30 to climb the leads and check the dead end and grease the shivs,i d leave my hard hat on the operators seat do he d know i m up there.one morning i watched this wall street , 3 piece suit wearing yuppie and a street whore walk through the gate and go in our [bleep] house. Like 5 minutes later she comes flying out and totters off down the street in her heels,a minute later he comes out,all suited up,,i yelled down to him,"How was she?", he looks up,"She s a 10 !" and off he goes.Some dirty m f ers in the city.That blue box was nasty as hell.I still don t know how he had him,her,his brief case and room to "maneuver", at ten of seven in the morning.
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Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 10,960 Likes: 1
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 10,960 Likes: 1 |
Always go on the clock. No argument.
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Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,360 Likes: 1
Campfire Regular
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Campfire Regular
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,360 Likes: 1 |
Boss makes a dollar and I make a dime, that’s why I schit on company time.
Was delivering UT season football tickets some years ago in a golf community in west Knoxville ( where the beans don’t burn). The gurgling guts hit with a vengeance and i had a jumper in the hatch with the a green go light. The country club wouldn’t let me use their facilities, since I wasn’t a member, so I had to shuffle back out into the UPS truck to schit into a plastic dr (driver release) bag. I had to use my UPS logo socks to wipe my ass with and as I drove off, I threw that filthy bag of schit with my calling card against their big gate at the entrance.
I almost felt sorry for the groundskeeper guy.....almost
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Joined: May 2016
Posts: 60,620 Likes: 29
Campfire Kahuna
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Campfire Kahuna
Joined: May 2016
Posts: 60,620 Likes: 29 |
Schit before work.
What a fugging bunch of old women and cripples.
I am MAGA.
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Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 8,177
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 8,177 |
Schit before work.
What a fugging bunch of old women and cripples.
Damm right - that's what coffee is for and why I make some first thing in the a.m.
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Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 8,736
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 8,736 |
Had a coworker walk out of the restroom.
"You ever feel sorry for the toilet"?
Sean
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Joined: Nov 2019
Posts: 3,632 Likes: 1
Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Nov 2019
Posts: 3,632 Likes: 1 |
We keep a costco box of wet wipes in the bathroom at work. Call them “background checks”.
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Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 44,875 Likes: 8
Campfire 'Bwana
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Campfire 'Bwana
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 44,875 Likes: 8 |
Schit before work.
What a fugging bunch of old women and cripples.
Big Jim, one day you'll get caught short and it will be epic.
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Joined: Nov 2018
Posts: 17,079 Likes: 12
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Nov 2018
Posts: 17,079 Likes: 12 |
Years of construction has taught me to avoid the blue room at all costs. Emergency only.
Nowadays, there's no place like home.
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