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Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 10,011 Likes: 4
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 10,011 Likes: 4 |
rrroae,
My response wasn't directed at you. I just did a quick reply.
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Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 10,286 Likes: 1
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 10,286 Likes: 1 |
What Dgal has to realize is that a man is not her girlfriend, he thinks and acts like a man. He is not going to be the one to sit and "feel" with you, to share your pain. He is the one that will try to fix the problem. If that problem is insurmountable to him, or if she resists him trying to fix it, or adds to the problem, he will feel defeated. She States: I've said some really mean things to him that I didn't mean.. We men don't see that like women. We don't count that you may just be acting out of emotion, because we control our emotions. The fact is, to us, you said it so you ment it. Such a thing would not come out in an emotional moment if it wasn't lingering in there anyway. Then there is the emotional baggage. As I said in a previous post, men like a strong woman. The fact is that if you ask someone to carry your baggage, he will get tired of the weight. Deal with your own emotions and be strong. Men have the challenge of controlling their sexuality. In order to be good husbands and boyfriends they have to choose fidelity, even though it is not natural to them. Women's challenge is to control their emotions. To run them through a filter of logic and reason before expressing them. And no, PMS is not a gull dern excuse!! Any more than, "she was super hot and I was drunk" is an excuse. Maybe Dgal should read this book before pursuing another relationship. http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d.html?a=0060520612I glanced through a copy once and it seems to hit men on the head. Two things to the point, especially the first one: 4. Not Every Thought and Feeling Needs to be Said. Women tend to be so verbal, so expressive, that they can tire out men easily unless they exercise some restraint. Dr. Laura reports that wives generally overwhelm their husbands with communication. "Husbands imagine (so foolishly) that their wives are telling them something they actually need to know because they're supposed to do something about it. Otherwise, men can't imagine why the 'communication' is happening at all. It confuses them, frustrates them, and their response is to turn off. That's when they unfairly become labeled insensitive." Husbands and fiances are not girlfriends or psychologists, and women who want attention should adjust their communication style accordingly when speaking with them.
5. Men Are Not Mind-Readers. Most men are not very intuitive compared to most women. Many women "get caught up in the absurdly romanticized notion that 'if he loved me, he'd just know what I'm thinking, what I'd like, what he should say.'" If a woman wants her man to do something, she should just ask him plainly, without nagging, and show appreciation when he does it. To act otherwise, as many women do, shows arrogance and lack of respect for the husband's difference, and it leads to unhappiness in the marriage and in the family.
The older I become the more I am convinced that the voice of honor in a man's heart is the voice of GOD.
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Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 46,755
Campfire 'Bwana
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Campfire 'Bwana
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 46,755 |
I'm not falling for that one again. I'll need proof to believe. Bullchit.....you believe in fairies....but yet find it hard to believe that a person could be hurting from relationship woes?........figgers. he is a fairy.
Camp is where you make it.
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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 24,851
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 24,851 |
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Joined: May 2009
Posts: 18,508
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 18,508 |
Dgal,
Your just starting out. The road can be rough sometimes. Think ahead. Lot's of good times and good memories to be had.
You get thru this and it will make you stronger and a little wiser.
Best of luck and hang in there.
JM.
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Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 35,293
Campfire 'Bwana
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Campfire 'Bwana
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 35,293 |
This was/is for real & I'm glad to hear dgal is doing better.
Don't be a stranger dgal.
There is plenty of bench room around this fire.
Something clever here.
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 21,810
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 21,810 |
Hang in there. We've all gone through this at one time or another and survived.
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Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 38
Campfire Greenhorn
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Campfire Greenhorn
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 38 |
LMAO! I bought that book a long time ago and although it has 'some' useful info, most of it is a load of SH*T and makes men out to be a bunch of idiots. (I know you all are smarter than that ;o) To DGAL~ go talk to somebody, this site is free and that doesn't mean everyone on it is a licensed DR. able to help you in the best way. I am sure if your family knew how you felt they would be more than willing to help you find someone to talk to.
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Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 2,464
Campfire Regular
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Campfire Regular
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 2,464 |
If I ever do anything as pathetic as the original post somebody please come up here and kick the [bleep] out of me. If that is for real the last place she oughta be is on the internet asking for advise - I'd say a 72 hour hold in a psych ward bare minimum. Christ, quit whining - there're folks in the world with REAL problems. Can't be said any better than that.
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Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 35,293
Campfire 'Bwana
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Campfire 'Bwana
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 35,293 |
proof that some thoughts are definately better left unspoken.....
Something clever here.
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 29,974 Likes: 11
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 29,974 Likes: 11 |
Dgal: Sounds like a bummer day, but please dispose of those original thoughts.
When things get tough I go back to 2 thoughts.... First, one can always hang on for another five minutes. Second, I could loose absolutely everthing and start over. I'm smart, I am somebody, and there are things I can do.
Now two suggestions... Join and become very active in a church (any church). Visit a community councilor or pastor and talk this out with someone.
This is an especially tough time of year. Those folks that you worry about hurting obviously mean something to you. Get in touch with them too.
Lastly, we are a rather faceless bunch here, but there are many that care, and some professionals that can likely offer up some sound and substantial advice.
Do stay on board here, and let us know how things are going.
Good luck, 1Minute
PS If you don't have one, get down to a shelter and get a puppy. It will always love you regardless of the day.
Last edited by 1minute; 12/17/09.
1Minute
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Joined: Aug 2007
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Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 12,071 |
proof that some thoughts are definately better left unspoken..... Agreed
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Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 4,581
Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 4,581 |
No amount of online coddling will help the girl. She broke up with a guy she felt strongly about, that sucks. She's still better off than the guys coming home from the middle east missing limbs or a 33 year old friend of mine who lost her husband on Monday and now has 2 kids to raise without their father. Life can be rough, if a relationship ending brings you to the brink of taking your own life you need to get some professional help.
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Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 10,011 Likes: 4
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 10,011 Likes: 4 |
It is amazing how utterly callous and clueless people can be. Fortunately, I haven't been in the position that Dgal found herself, but I would hope that I would have a solid support system that I could turn to in a moment of need.
She did get help from professionals and that is what they are there for. She also turned to others that she considered a loose form of family. Basically, she did what I think I would have done is to call in all my markers at once if I was near the end.
Being harsh and critical of someone doing all that they can in a time of extreme need is beyond my comprehension.
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Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 28,266 Likes: 3
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 28,266 Likes: 3 |
I once opened my heart and gave my all to a love named Jessica. Now my heart is cold and black, unable to open and allow anyone in ever again.
My Jess ruined me, I will never love another.
Thanks a lot JANE!
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Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 325
Campfire Member
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Campfire Member
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 325 |
What Dgal has to realize is that a man is not her girlfriend, he thinks and acts like a man. He is not going to be the one to sit and "feel" with you, to share your pain. He is the one that will try to fix the problem. If that problem is insurmountable to him, or if she resists him trying to fix it, or adds to the problem, he will feel defeated. She States: I've said some really mean things to him that I didn't mean.. We men don't see that like women. We don't count that you may just be acting out of emotion, because we control our emotions. The fact is, to us, you said it so you ment it. Such a thing would not come out in an emotional moment if it wasn't lingering in there anyway. Then there is the emotional baggage. As I said in a previous post, men like a strong woman. The fact is that if you ask someone to carry your baggage, he will get tired of the weight. Deal with your own emotions and be strong. Men have the challenge of controlling their sexuality. In order to be good husbands and boyfriends they have to choose fidelity, even though it is not natural to them. Women's challenge is to control their emotions. To run them through a filter of logic and reason before expressing them. And no, PMS is not a gull dern excuse!! Any more than, "she was super hot and I was drunk" is an excuse. Maybe Dgal should read this book before pursuing another relationship. http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d.html?a=0060520612I glanced through a copy once and it seems to hit men on the head. Two things to the point, especially the first one: 4. Not Every Thought and Feeling Needs to be Said. Women tend to be so verbal, so expressive, that they can tire out men easily unless they exercise some restraint. Dr. Laura reports that wives generally overwhelm their husbands with communication. "Husbands imagine (so foolishly) that their wives are telling them something they actually need to know because they're supposed to do something about it. Otherwise, men can't imagine why the 'communication' is happening at all. It confuses them, frustrates them, and their response is to turn off. That's when they unfairly become labeled insensitive." Husbands and fiances are not girlfriends or psychologists, and women who want attention should adjust their communication style accordingly when speaking with them.
5. Men Are Not Mind-Readers. Most men are not very intuitive compared to most women. Many women "get caught up in the absurdly romanticized notion that 'if he loved me, he'd just know what I'm thinking, what I'd like, what he should say.'" If a woman wants her man to do something, she should just ask him plainly, without nagging, and show appreciation when he does it. To act otherwise, as many women do, shows arrogance and lack of respect for the husband's difference, and it leads to unhappiness in the marriage and in the family. Best advice yet.
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Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 35,293
Campfire 'Bwana
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Campfire 'Bwana
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 35,293 |
You guys sound like Dr. Phil. And I'd like to kick Dr. Phil in the pelvis. (that's the bone structure that my foot would connect with if I kicked him hard enough in the nuts)
This is someon's daughter we are talking about and I'm ok with the fact that she trusted this group with her problem.
I'd also like to note that amongst those that manned up & took the chance that this might be for real... were a couple of our resident black sheep. Such as steely & bart.
These are the same kind of guys that can take an occasional beating from someone swinging a bible.
Moments of truth.
The cream always rises to the top.
Something clever here.
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Joined: May 2009
Posts: 18,508
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 18,508 |
They are the blacksheep? Hell, I thought everybody else was and they were the normal ones.
They both have the kind of good that counts for something. You too Dave.
JM
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 53,303
Campfire Kahuna
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Campfire Kahuna
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 53,303 |
You guys sound like Dr. Phil. And I'd like to kick Dr. Phil in the pelvis. (that's the bone structure that my foot would connect with if I kicked him hard enough in the nuts)
This is someon's daughter we are talking about and I'm ok with the fact that she trusted this group with her problem.
I'd also like to note that amongst those that manned up & took the chance that this might be for real... were a couple of our resident black sheep. Such as steely & bart.
These are the same kind of guys that can take an occasional beating from someone swinging a bible.
Moments of truth.
The cream always rises to the top.
Well spoken, Sir, +1 GTC
Member, Clan of the Border Rats -- “Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on or by imbeciles who really mean it.”- Mark Twain
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Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 26,524
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 26,524 |
Well, I'm not going to comment on the sad state of society when someone has to confide their interpersonal issues with complete strangers.
Some say the anonymity is therapeutic.
But everything is not always flowers and butterflies, and even the most sincere of emotions will seem phony to others that have not experienced similar, or are wired different.
I'm certain that the number of phooey responses would be lower if she was a trusted or verified individual.
In that absence, everyone sees her as they are conditioned.
If she's really got a problem, she can take solace in the diversity of the comments. Serious to some, not so to others, BS to others.
Just goes to show, its "just a thing" and NOT the end of the world.
Hell, if everyone got all mushy, than it may seem like she really does have a life altering event.
Life, at it's finest....
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