Home Forums Hunting & Shooting Hunter's Campfire Should I let my daughter move back home?

Help them.

You are not here in this world to build the portfolio, amass riches, buy a new RV, summer cabin, boat, vehicle, go to Europe, sit in the front row at the ball game.... contrary to what many believe.

You are here to advance the next generation and that responsibility doesn't go away until you are dead... not at 18.... contrary to what many believe.

Kent

My daughter and grand daughter moved back in with us after she dumped her dumb @$$ hubby. I would not have it any other way. My daughter does not want to stay with us and when times get better we will expect her to move out. but for now, she is at home. kwg

Well, a daughter is a precious thing, even if she is an adult with issues; not to mention a granddaughter who is an innocent victim of all her parents misjudgements. Let her in with your wife's blessing--hopefully, but with limits, parameters, and responsibilities too. She must "carry her weight" but that little one needs stability.

That's my view with two adult daughters.

I know the circumstance is slightly different, but in the Good Ol' Days, you lived with your parents until you married.

Besides, if you can't count on family, what do you really have in this life?

Give her a hard berth for a few months, no more than six, if she hasn't found a job by then give her $500.00 and kick her out and change the locks.

You do grown children no favor by "enabling" them.

Truth is that I enjoyed having her there.Our relationship had a big turning point when she came home.She was a completely different person than she was in High School.I bonded with my Grandson ,and he is more like one of my boys now.He is 19 now and a great kid.My daughter is remarried has 5 kids and has a stable family man for a husband.I would say everything worked out.

^^^THIS!

????

Yepper, she's responsible for that miscarriage, she never shoulda let it happen, same thing with the failed marriage and drunk and abusive mom.....

Some people get slapped upside the head by life is all.

Of course, cream rises to the top, what counts is what she does now. And there's a clear point been made in this thread that there is a grandaughter involved.

Early developmental years are critical, by the time they hit the Middle School years the damage has been done, THAT kid needs a stable and secure environment, if its with grandma and the other grandma, so be it.

Krp nailed it, life ain't about being comfortable, its about meeting responsibilities.

The daughter coming home doesn't mean "enabling", that all depends on the behavior of all parties involved.

It does seem in our society the emphasis for a couple of generations (since WWII???) was "moving out", wherein in most places and over most of human history extended family househods are/were the norm.

I will say, knowing many dozens of 18 year-olds at graduation and often for years afterwards, getting out of the house and getting your own place ain't nearly as easy today as it was back in the 70's.

Birdwatcher

Birdwatcher,

I don't think that Jog meant that those things were true failures, but that the daughter may feel that way about them.

Like an accident that wasn't your fault, you keep replaying the event, and wondering what you could have done differently.

Plinker,

If I needed to go home, I would see it as a safe harbor, a place to get things together until I was able to get back out and hack it on my own. I'd be grateful for the respite but I wouldn't want to stay longer than necessary. Good luck.

Did you miss this part?:



I've had plenty of failures in my life. Except for guilt, the experience is the same whether they were my fault or not. My point is the cycle has to stop, and that setting up the daughter and granddaughter in their own place might be a better option than 'in the basement at Dad's house'.

My point of reference is one of my own daughters that flunked out of college. She was plenty smart enough, she just didn't do the work - party life and all that. She lived off campus with a bunch of smart, boring according to my daughter, fellow students. The college did offer the possibility of reinstatement provided she first ramp up her work ethic and GPA someplace else. Once the reality of the situation hit home my daughter was devastated. Having the daughter move home was tempting, but rather than compound the failures my wife and I decided to pay her living expenses if she worked to get on track. An unforeseen bonus of the arrangement was my daughter, from her new perspective, witnessed what it took for college students to succeed in spite of all the temptations. It took a year, but in the end the daughter was reinstated and graduated a couple years later.

Was it my wife's and my decision that pulled this off? I don't know for sure, but I wouldn't do anything different next time.

I am in agreement; one thing I have learned is you are never finished being a parent and that doesn't mean an enabler. Your kids are still your kids at 35 except their problems are now also adult sized.

My experience and view is your input grows exponentially more complex but still as important paralleling their age. Does that make sense? Well, I knew what I meant?

Sounds like she needs more help then just a place to sleep. Not saying that you shouldn't take care of your daughter, just really look into getting her help and don't enable her to keep making bad decisions.

I couldn't imagine turning my back on my kids, whatever the situation. Then again, I couldn't personally imagine moving back home, but you do what you have to do.

Good to hear.

They're blood kin,can't do anything but help..just sure they understand YOUR rules....

I'm not gonna read all the replies...here's my take

She's your child...may be grown, but she's still your child...
You'll feel like a first class $hit if you don't...

A friend of mine (with 4 kids) has a rule: every time a kid moves out, my friend moves to a smaller house so they can't come back.

John

Agree 100%.

Needed help once myself, StepDad was ok with it! Divorced and lost job, found new job within 6 weeks. They helped me move out and everything was great. My Mom was always in my corner and willing to help. I was able to help her when she died of cancer, no home for her while I was standing and breathing!

With that in mind my children get the same from me! God blessed me with three (a boy and two girls) and I signed on for the duration! Blood is blood.

We love our kids unconditionally. If the day comes that they need to come back for a while, so be it. Those who would not allow this, or buy a smaller house to prevent this from happening, well, if that's your take on things, just remember that decision in a few years when your health is failing, but you really don't want to move into a nursing home. Kids are yours for a lifetime-not just for the first 18 years. Nothing wrong with some ground rules and a plan, but to just turn them out on the street, I couldn't do that.

My brother breeds German Shorthairs and owns four personally. He calls the human members of his family "shorthair slots". He has one daughter left at home and also his wife - "slot 5 and slot 6".