Thought about this a fair bit have the following suggestions:

Assumptions
-young with good eyes, muscle tone and reflexes
-3 cases of Remington Thunderbolt ammo on hand and no idea what to do with them
-spectacular determination

Get an old Ruger Mk 1, factory original. Might work.

I am..........disturbed.

Concerning the difference between man and the jackass: some observers hold that there isn't any. But this wrongs the jackass. -Twain