I watched my father slowly crumble and vanish for several years. His wife took really good care of him as long as she could, but he eventually got to be too much to handle. He kept trying to escape the house and got violent with her several times, including breaking her arm. We finally realized that she was the reason he was sticking around, so we talked her into putting him into a facility while she took a trip to have a break and recover emotionally and physically. He died after a month. We all suffered for several years before that. That was about 5 years ago.
Then my mother had rapid onset dementia hit and she mentally disappeared for several months. Her husband, who does not communicate very well, told my brothers and I nothing until after they'd returned from their Arizona home back to Idaho in the Spring. It is usual not to hear from them or to be able to get a hold of them. She sort of came back mentally in almost miraculous fashion, but the downhill slide since then has been very linear. That was two years ago. We just celebrated her 75th birthday last weekend with a big party and gathering (fuuck you Covid fear-mongerers). Coincidentally her birthday is today. I was able to talk to her and really connect for several minutes, but the rest of the time, she was mostly lost. The difference is that she has moved more smoothly through the fear and anger phases. She was very violent at the outset, and she has her bouts with fear, but in the main, she does well to keep a happy demeanor. Her husband is hell-bent on taking care of her himself, though he can't even get around without a walker. They have more money than God, so he is doing a good job of it with all the help money can buy. He isn't willing to rely on family, though we have tried to step in and help here and there. I am glad she still remembers me. We were very close as adults, and would often have long philosophical conversations. She was quite brilliant. Her father was a genius. She was a genius. I miss her very much.
I went through it with my dad, so I am more prepared as she gets worse, but damn, it's hard.
