I like your 4 yo childs approach,
adults can get too morbid and keep up
silly pretences at funerals.
At a recent funeral for a Cajun podnah several of us were gathered around the coffee pot when one gent said, “well, he’s in a better place now I reckon “., to which another Cajun podnah said, “wasn’t nothing wrong with being right f’kn here”.
High Noon, as others have said, you’ve done it well. Sorry to hear about the relationship with the ex. That’s a difficult one for sure.