So tight he'd skin a flea for his hide and tallow.
That boy would climb a greased pole backwards to tell a lie rather than stand flatfooted on the ground and tell the truth.
He'd lie even if the truth would serve him better.
He's about three turns tighter than tree bark.
I wouldn't spit on him if he was on fire!
He's so black, charcoal would make a white mark on him.
Tighter than an ant's a$$ stretched over a #9 washtub.
Stared at her like a calf mooning a new gate.
Squeal like a pig hung under a gate.
Wouldn't say "s#¡t" if he was standing in it knee deep.
Drunker than Cooter Brown.
He ain't got a pot to pu$$ in or a window to throw it out of.
He's so broke, he'd have to fart twice to make a scent.
Hes so ugly, his momma had to tie a pork chop around his neck to get the puppy to play with him.
He's so stupid, if you put his brain in a humming bird, it would fly upside down and backwards and bv euck a mule's a$$ for a morning glory.
Dumber than a bag of: hammers - rocks, etc, etc.....
He's slower than smoke off s#¡t on a cold morning.
So slow he couldn't catch a cafe on biscuit wheels.
Slicker than a greased pig.
Played him like a fiddle.
Whip him 'til he s#¡ts, then whip him for s#¡tting.
I'm gonna kick your butt 'til your nose bleeds!
