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#12200684 08/11/17
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Do you remember the Jeff Foxworthy joke about how funny it was to pass the 'doe pee' bottle around for his hunting friends to smell, but how his wife didn't think it was at all funny?

Well, this morning it was my turn and I felt sorry for the young ladies...

Without going into a lot of details, I had to go for a CT scan this morning. To prepare me for the scan, they had me drink the most foul tasting bottle of stuff last nite, and then another one this morning. It had the consistency about like milk-of-magnesia and was blue-berry flavored, both of which make me gag. Now this stuff isn't like the citrus stuff you take for a colonoscopy. It doesn't 'clean you out'. This stuff is suppose to make your guts 'glow in the dark', so to speak. It stays in you. On top of those two bottles, when I got to the hospital, they had me drink another cup or so of some similar stuff. Different taste but the same consistency. Eyes watered and gag reflex set in, but again I managed to keep it down.

Now the procedure itself didn't take 10 minutes and out the door I went. Since I was in town, I'll just run by and take care of some more business.

While driving to this other place, I cut the most foul smelling fart of my life... It wasn't one of those loud obnoxious farts, no... just a small toot! Hardly worth noticing. You know, one of those you sneak out when around company. Again I liked to have gagged, from my own fart... had to roll down the truck window, to air out the truck. Once was mind boggling, but now these farts were coming every few minutes. I drove over 20 miles with the window down and when I would let one, it still stunk so bad that I would almost gag.

Anyway, I get to the place of business, walk into the small office and there are 2 young ladies. While explaining why I was there, I felt another one coming on. So, I excused myself, walked out the door and let it go...and like before, just a small toot. The ladies could see me thru the window and I guess was wondering what was going on. I came back in and continued with my business. After a few minutes, here comes another one. So again, I excused myself and stepped outside. Only this time the younger of the two lades came to see what was going on. I barely made it out the door, when I cut loose again. Just as it happened, the lady opened the door, and evidently it sucked the smell inside the small office. Almost immediately, the lady at the door swore, stepped back inside and closed the door. Me, I'm still standing outside, not knowing what to do. I heard the 2nd lady ask what was wrong, but I didn't hear the first lady answer. About 3 heartbeats later, I hear the 2nd lady swear and both ladies busted thru the door, to come outside with me. After catching their breath, the older of the two women looked at me and said, "Mister, you're sick".

All I could say was "Yes Ma'am".

I explained what was going on... we finished our business, standing outside... and they said they would call me this afternoon. They didn't invite me back inside the office. frown


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Originally Posted by Oldman03
Once was mind boggling, but now these farts were coming every few minutes. I drove over 20 miles with the window down ...


and a trail of buzzards dropping from the sky

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LOL laugh


"Facts are stubborn things; and whatever may be our wishes, our inclinations, or the dictates of our passion, they cannot alter the state of facts and evidence". John Adams

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OMSG! (See the thread on Senior Texting Codes).

When I went outside, I'd have put my phone to my ear so they'd think I had a call I had to take.


The biggest problem our country has is not systemic racism, it's systemic stupidity.
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LMAO

IC B2

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Randy,

If you were in New Jersey, no one would have noticed...


"Minus the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the Country" Marion Barry, Mayor of Wash DC

“Owning guns is not a right. If it were a right, it would be in the Constitution.” ~Alexandria Ocasio Cortez

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Oldman, I'm proud to know you. Traveled that road...easy way to get to the head of the line.


I am..........disturbed.

Concerning the difference between man and the jackass: some observers hold that there isn't any. But this wrongs the jackass. -Twain


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Randy, no doubt now. You ARE my new hero!


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Ancient Order of the 1895 Winchester

"Come, shall we go and kill us venison?
And yet it irks me the poor dappled fools,
Being native burghers of this desert city,
Should in their own confines with forked heads
Have their round haunches gored."

WS

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gitting old ain't for sissy's! some of the stuff they make us go through , only a seasoned old fart could put up with!


the consolidation of the states into one vast republic, sure to be aggressive abroad and despotic at home, will be the certain precursor of that ruin which has overwhelmed all those that have preceded. Robert E Lee
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[Linked Image]


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"Mr,you're sick"
lol laugh

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I'm cryin' here, Randy! laugh laugh

Had to let my wife in on what was cracking me up!

Hope everything is good from your CT scan..


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It doesn't count if you did not make them puke.


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Stupidity left unattended will run rampant
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Jeff Foxworthy needs to know about this....he made include your experience in the comedy tour. Hell I would.

Doc

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Oh yes Randy!!!! Mis Stephenie will get full report!!!


Founder
Ancient Order of the 1895 Winchester

"Come, shall we go and kill us venison?
And yet it irks me the poor dappled fools,
Being native burghers of this desert city,
Should in their own confines with forked heads
Have their round haunches gored."

WS

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Anybody can have bad farts Randy, but you could knock a buzzard off a chit wagon!

I look forward to that procedure!


If you take the time it takes, it takes less time.
--Pat Parelli

American by birth; Alaskan by choice.
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I've produced some eye watering, paint peeling small toots, mostly after eating a large bowl of really good, rich potato soup at the Altes Hackerhaus in Munchen.

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At least they had enough brains to keep you outside!


Fall seven times, stand up eight.
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Originally Posted by ironbender
Anybody can have bad farts Randy, but you could knock a buzzard off a chit wagon!

I look forward to that procedure!



Been there, and done that!

Only I was in ICU after a heart procedure, and didn't have pickup windows to roll down... blush

And the ICU I was in was open, for cryin' out loud... There were like 8 beds in there, and usually all the curtains were open. No bathroom. No shower...

After day 4, I was pretty rank and told one of the nurses I was fixing to abscond or have a shower, one way or the other. They relented and sent the fattest nurse I ever saw over with a little sponge bath cart. eek

Of course she asked if I needed help. "Umm... I think I can manage, but thank you anyway, Ma'am." whistle


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Thanks for my laugh of the day.

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Lmao Randy,

A little advice from the great north for you, Don't do that when wearing a pair of overalls or when showering.........don't ask.


Paul

"I'd rather see a sermon than hear a sermon".... D.A.D.

Trump Won!, Sandmann Won!, Rittenhouse Won!, Suck it Liberal Fuuktards.

molɔ̀ːn labé skýla

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Sometime I'll tell you about the coworker deer hunting and the hood of his cardhart overalls.


Founder
Ancient Order of the 1895 Winchester

"Come, shall we go and kill us venison?
And yet it irks me the poor dappled fools,
Being native burghers of this desert city,
Should in their own confines with forked heads
Have their round haunches gored."

WS

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ROFLMAO. wink


An unemployed Jester, is nobody's Fool.

the only real difference between a good tracker and a bad tracker, is observation. all the same data is present for both. The rest, is understanding what you're seeing.

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proud of you.


God bless Texas-----------------------
Old 300
I will remain what i am until the day I die- A HUNTER......Sitting Bull
Its not how you pick the booger..
but where you put it !!
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LMAO.

I know exactly what you're talking about with that drink except the stuff I had to drink was faux orange. That stuff will gag a maggot. The instructions said put it in the fridge and it wouldn't be so bad. Horse hockey!

I was pretty pissed when I got there and the tech said I had to drink ANOTHER ONE. She said that if they told folks they'd have to drink another when they got there, that they might not show up.


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Funny

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I am glad that I am not the only one that believes farts prove that god has a sense of humor. I picked up my wife at the airport yesterday and got in the elevator to our parking level and the stench was worse than an open grave. A woman said someone left us a gift, and the whole group started laughing.

A favorite memory is getting each of my kids and grandkids to"Pull My Finger"

I was at the Crazy Horse place near Mt. Rushmore w/ a grandson who said loudly "don't pull his finger". My wife and DIL were embarrassed, my son and I were proud.

Farts are nature's way of keeping us humble.


mike r


Don't wish it were easier
Wish you were better

Stab them in the taint, you can't put a tourniquet on that.
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Those gals got what they deserved. Every time an old fart does something unusual females automatically think the old fart is crazy and they have to stick their nose in it.

Wait a week and do it again and they will do the same all over. I can hear it now, "What are you doing out here This Time? "

Last edited by jaguartx; 08/11/17.

Ecc 10:2
The heart of the wise inclines to the right, but that of a fool to the left.

A Nation which leaves God behind is soon left behind.

"The Lord never asked anyone to be a tax collector, lowyer, or Redskins fan".

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Sounds like paint peeler farts.

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FWIW good luck.

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not interested in the smell of your farts.

Disgusting

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Dammit I was 10ft behind this old piss bagger at walgreens pharmacy. He smelled like sour milk and cat whizz. And when he left, his funk was STILL there for several minutes.

Any you old dudes, need to be mindful if youre peeing all over yourself, for God's sake and everyone else, take a bath and change/wash your dang clothes more than just once a month.

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Randy on a date?



Paul

"I'd rather see a sermon than hear a sermon".... D.A.D.

Trump Won!, Sandmann Won!, Rittenhouse Won!, Suck it Liberal Fuuktards.

molɔ̀ːn labé skýla

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I needed this laugh...should have read this yesterday. Thanks!

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Originally Posted by 12344mag
Lmao Randy,

A little advice from the great north for you, Don't do that when wearing a pair of overalls or when showering.........don't ask.

Our FD turnout pants having a vapor barrier seemed like they could trap farts for hours. It was when you lowered the pants that the stench would release.


Fight fire, save lives, laugh in the face of danger.

Stupid always finds a way.
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All this science. You might think they could make a fart drink taste good, it nooooo!


The only true cost of having a dog is its death.

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Originally Posted by simonkenton7
not interested in the smell of your farts.

Disgusting



Lighten up Simon... wink


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That was some funny chitt!


"Allways speak the truth and you will never have to remember what you said before..." Sam Houston
Texans, "We say Grace, We Say Mam, If You Don't Like it, We Don't Give a Damn!"

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It was funny but disgusting too.

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