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#12200684 - 08/11/17 It was bad  
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Oldman03 Offline
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Do you remember the Jeff Foxworthy joke about how funny it was to pass the 'doe pee' bottle around for his hunting friends to smell, but how his wife didn't think it was at all funny?

Well, this morning it was my turn and I felt sorry for the young ladies...

Without going into a lot of details, I had to go for a CT scan this morning. To prepare me for the scan, they had me drink the most foul tasting bottle of stuff last nite, and then another one this morning. It had the consistency about like milk-of-magnesia and was blue-berry flavored, both of which make me gag. Now this stuff isn't like the citrus stuff you take for a colonoscopy. It doesn't 'clean you out'. This stuff is suppose to make your guts 'glow in the dark', so to speak. It stays in you. On top of those two bottles, when I got to the hospital, they had me drink another cup or so of some similar stuff. Different taste but the same consistency. Eyes watered and gag reflex set in, but again I managed to keep it down.

Now the procedure itself didn't take 10 minutes and out the door I went. Since I was in town, I'll just run by and take care of some more business.

While driving to this other place, I cut the most foul smelling fart of my life... It wasn't one of those loud obnoxious farts, no... just a small toot! Hardly worth noticing. You know, one of those you sneak out when around company. Again I liked to have gagged, from my own fart... had to roll down the truck window, to air out the truck. Once was mind boggling, but now these farts were coming every few minutes. I drove over 20 miles with the window down and when I would let one, it still stunk so bad that I would almost gag.

Anyway, I get to the place of business, walk into the small office and there are 2 young ladies. While explaining why I was there, I felt another one coming on. So, I excused myself, walked out the door and let it go...and like before, just a small toot. The ladies could see me thru the window and I guess was wondering what was going on. I came back in and continued with my business. After a few minutes, here comes another one. So again, I excused myself and stepped outside. Only this time the younger of the two lades came to see what was going on. I barely made it out the door, when I cut loose again. Just as it happened, the lady opened the door, and evidently it sucked the smell inside the small office. Almost immediately, the lady at the door swore, stepped back inside and closed the door. Me, I'm still standing outside, not knowing what to do. I heard the 2nd lady ask what was wrong, but I didn't hear the first lady answer. About 3 heartbeats later, I hear the 2nd lady swear and both ladies busted thru the door, to come outside with me. After catching their breath, the older of the two women looked at me and said, "Mister, you're sick".

All I could say was "Yes Ma'am".

I explained what was going on... we finished our business, standing outside... and they said they would call me this afternoon. They didn't invite me back inside the office. frown


An Old Turd!

Just "Campfire Riffraff and Trash"!

Vegetarian: vejiˈte(ə)rēən/noun: old Indian word for lousy hunter.

CMG 300 BP

#12200695 - 08/11/17 Re: It was bad [Re: Oldman03]  
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RWE Offline
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Old North State
Originally Posted by Oldman03
Once was mind boggling, but now these farts were coming every few minutes. I drove over 20 miles with the window down ...


and a trail of buzzards dropping from the sky



#12200696 - 08/11/17 Re: It was bad [Re: Oldman03]  
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NeBassman Offline
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LOL laugh


"Facts are stubborn things; and whatever may be our wishes, our inclinations, or the dictates of our passion, they cannot alter the state of facts and evidence". John Adams

"A dishonest man can always be trusted to be dishonest". Captain Jack Sparrow
#12200698 - 08/11/17 Re: It was bad [Re: Oldman03]  
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There_Ya_Go Offline
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Pocosin Country
OMSG! (See the thread on Senior Texting Codes).

When I went outside, I'd have put my phone to my ear so they'd think I had a call I had to take.

#12200723 - 08/11/17 Re: It was bad [Re: Oldman03]  
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ldholton Offline
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lawrence county MO
LMAO

Alpha

#12200728 - 08/11/17 Re: It was bad [Re: Oldman03]  
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Seafire Offline
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Southern Oregon USA
Randy,

If you were in New Jersey, no one would have noticed...


Hillary Clinton In 2013: “I Would Like To See People Like Donald Trump Run For Office; They’re Honest And Can’t Be Bought”

#12200741 - 08/11/17 Re: It was bad [Re: Oldman03]  
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DigitalDan Offline
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In the Swamps
Oldman, I'm proud to know you. Traveled that road...easy way to get to the head of the line.


I am..........disturbed.

I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters. Do they just give you a bra and say, “Here, fill this out?”



#12200743 - 08/11/17 Re: It was bad [Re: Oldman03]  
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kaywoodie Online content
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Bastrop Co. Texas
Randy, no doubt now. You ARE my new hero!


Founder
Ancient Order of the 1895 Winchester

Jagdverein der lustigen Hüte
#12200749 - 08/11/17 Re: It was bad [Re: Oldman03]  
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deerstalker Offline
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North of Bonners Ferry ID.
gitting old ain't for sissy's! some of the stuff they make us go through , only a seasoned old fart could put up with!


the consolidation of the states into one vast republic, sure to be aggressive abroad and despotic at home, will be the certain precursor of that ruin which has overwhelmed all those that have preceded it
ROBERT E LEE. letter to Lord Acton
#12200755 - 08/11/17 Re: It was bad [Re: Oldman03]  
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Paul_M Online content
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TAXACHUSETTS
[Linked Image]

Bravo

#12200763 - 08/11/17 Re: It was bad [Re: Oldman03]  
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rong Online content
Campfire Guide
rong  Online Content
Campfire Guide

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upstate ny
"Mr,you're sick"
lol laugh

#12200766 - 08/11/17 Re: It was bad [Re: Oldman03]  
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rockinbbar Offline
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Not In The City
I'm cryin' here, Randy! laugh laugh

Had to let my wife in on what was cracking me up!

Hope everything is good from your CT scan..


If you don't watch the news, you are uninformed. If you do watch the news, you are misinformed...
#12200804 - 08/11/17 Re: It was bad [Re: Oldman03]  
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Huntz Offline
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It doesn't count if you did not make them puke.



#12200808 - 08/11/17 Re: It was bad [Re: Oldman03]  
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doctor_Encore Offline
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west of the Chesapeake Bay
Jeff Foxworthy needs to know about this....he made include your experience in the comedy tour. Hell I would.

Doc

#12200828 - 08/11/17 Re: It was bad [Re: rockinbbar]  
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kaywoodie Online content
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kaywoodie  Online Content
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Bastrop Co. Texas
Oh yes Randy!!!! Mis Stephenie will get full report!!!


Founder
Ancient Order of the 1895 Winchester

Jagdverein der lustigen Hüte
#12200834 - 08/11/17 Re: It was bad [Re: Oldman03]  
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ironbender Offline
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In the shadow of the Kenai Mtn...
Anybody can have bad farts Randy, but you could knock a buzzard off a chit wagon!

I look forward to that procedure!


If you take the time it takes, it takes less time.
--Pat Parelli

American by birth; Alaskan by choice.
--ironbender
#12200843 - 08/11/17 Re: It was bad [Re: Oldman03]  
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mathman Online content
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I've produced some eye watering, paint peeling small toots, mostly after eating a large bowl of really good, rich potato soup at the Altes Hackerhaus in Munchen.

#12200851 - 08/11/17 Re: It was bad [Re: Oldman03]  
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RS308MX Offline
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At least they had enough brains to keep you outside!


Not all those who wander are lost.
#12200852 - 08/11/17 Re: It was bad [Re: ironbender]  
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rockinbbar Offline
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Originally Posted by ironbender
Anybody can have bad farts Randy, but you could knock a buzzard off a chit wagon!

I look forward to that procedure!



Been there, and done that!

Only I was in ICU after a heart procedure, and didn't have pickup windows to roll down... blush

And the ICU I was in was open, for cryin' out loud... There were like 8 beds in there, and usually all the curtains were open. No bathroom. No shower...

After day 4, I was pretty rank and told one of the nurses I was fixing to abscond or have a shower, one way or the other. They relented and sent the fattest nurse I ever saw over with a little sponge bath cart. eek

Of course she asked if I needed help. "Umm... I think I can manage, but thank you anyway, Ma'am." whistle


If you don't watch the news, you are uninformed. If you do watch the news, you are misinformed...
#12200993 - 08/11/17 Re: It was bad [Re: rockinbbar]  
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NDsnowman Offline
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Thanks for my laugh of the day.

#12201033 - 08/11/17 Re: It was bad [Re: Oldman03]  
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12344mag Online content
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12344mag  Online Content
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Michigan
Lmao Randy,

A little advice from the great north for you, Don't do that when wearing a pair of overalls or when showering.........don't ask.


Paul

"Please forgive me for I am a Troll".... M.E.

"I'd rather see a sermon than hear a sermon".... D.A.D.

"Because I'm President and they're not".... DJT

#45


#12201050 - 08/11/17 Re: It was bad [Re: Oldman03]  
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kaywoodie Online content
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kaywoodie  Online Content
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Bastrop Co. Texas
Sometime I'll tell you about the coworker deer hunting and the hood of his cardhart overalls.


Founder
Ancient Order of the 1895 Winchester

Jagdverein der lustigen Hüte
#12201051 - 08/11/17 Re: It was bad [Re: Oldman03]  
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kellory Offline
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ROFLMAO. wink


An unemployed Jester, is nobody's Fool.

the only real difference between a good tracker and a bad tracker, is observation. all the same data is present for both. The rest, is understanding what you're seeing.
#12201064 - 08/11/17 Re: It was bad [Re: Oldman03]  
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stxhunter Offline
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south texas-Corpus Christi
proud of you.


God bless Texas-----------------------
Old 300
I will remain what i am until the day I die- A HUNTER......Sitting Bull
Its not how you pick the booger..
but where you put it !!
Roger V Hunter
#12201118 - 08/11/17 Re: It was bad [Re: Oldman03]  
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navlav8r Offline
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ms
LMAO.

I know exactly what you're talking about with that drink except the stuff I had to drink was faux orange. That stuff will gag a maggot. The instructions said put it in the fridge and it wouldn't be so bad. Horse hockey!

I was pretty pissed when I got there and the tech said I had to drink ANOTHER ONE. She said that if they told folks they'd have to drink another when they got there, that they might not show up.


NRA Life,Endowment,Patron or Benefactor since '72.
#12201153 - 08/11/17 Re: It was bad [Re: Oldman03]  
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Rick n Tenn Offline
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Hills
Funny

#12201235 - 08/11/17 Re: It was bad [Re: Rick n Tenn]  
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lvmiker Offline
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las vegas, Nv.
I am glad that I am not the only one that believes farts prove that god has a sense of humor. I picked up my wife at the airport yesterday and got in the elevator to our parking level and the stench was worse than an open grave. A woman said someone left us a gift, and the whole group started laughing.

A favorite memory is getting each of my kids and grandkids to"Pull My Finger"

I was at the Crazy Horse place near Mt. Rushmore w/ a grandson who said loudly "don't pull his finger". My wife and DIL were embarrassed, my son and I were proud.

Farts are nature's way of keeping us humble.


mike r


Don't wish it were easier
Wish you were better

Stab them in the taint, you can't put a tourniquet on that.
Craig Douglas ECQC
#12201250 - 08/11/17 Re: It was bad [Re: Oldman03]  
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jaguartx Offline
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Those gals got what they deserved. Every time an old fart does something unusual females automatically think the old fart is crazy and they have to stick their nose in it.

Wait a week and do it again and they will do the same all over. I can hear it now, "What are you doing out here This Time? "

Last edited by jaguartx; 08/11/17.

Hollywood is the perfect moral compass H Weinstein
We have to pass it to find whats in it-a clue?

"The Lord never asked anyone to be a tax collector, lowyer, or Redskins fan". RC.
Teach a man to fish and he'll sit in a boat an drink beer all day.
#12201295 - 08/11/17 Re: It was bad [Re: Oldman03]  
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Old Ornery Offline
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Sounds like paint peeler farts.

#12201302 - 08/11/17 Re: It was bad [Re: Oldman03]  
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mtnsnake Offline
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Front Range Central Rockies, C...
FWIW good luck.


NRA Life Member.
#12201647 - 08/11/17 Re: It was bad [Re: Oldman03]  
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simonkenton7 Offline
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Marshall NC
not interested in the smell of your farts.

Disgusting

#12201668 - 08/11/17 Re: It was bad [Re: simonkenton7]  
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slumlord Offline
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TN
Dammit I was 10ft behind this old piss bagger at walgreens pharmacy. He smelled like sour milk and cat whizz. And when he left, his funk was STILL there for several minutes.

Any you old dudes, need to be mindful if youre peeing all over yourself, for God's sake and everyone else, take a bath and change/wash your dang clothes more than just once a month.


NGAF



#12201670 - 08/11/17 Re: It was bad [Re: Oldman03]  
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12344mag Online content
Campfire Kahuna
12344mag  Online Content
Campfire Kahuna

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Michigan
Randy on a date?



Paul

"Please forgive me for I am a Troll".... M.E.

"I'd rather see a sermon than hear a sermon".... D.A.D.

"Because I'm President and they're not".... DJT

#45


#12201800 - 08/11/17 Re: It was bad [Re: Oldman03]  
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JCMCUBIC Online content
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JCMCUBIC  Online Content
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I needed this laugh...should have read this yesterday. Thanks!

#12201910 - 08/11/17 Re: It was bad [Re: 12344mag]  
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smarquez Offline
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Rancho Altacucawanda, CA
Originally Posted by 12344mag
Lmao Randy,

A little advice from the great north for you, Don't do that when wearing a pair of overalls or when showering.........don't ask.

Our FD turnout pants having a vapor barrier seemed like they could trap farts for hours. It was when you lowered the pants that the stench would release.


Fight fire, save lives, laugh in the face of danger.

Stupid always finds a way.
#12201942 - 08/12/17 Re: It was bad [Re: Oldman03]  
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las Offline
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Kotzebue, AK
All this science. You might think they could make a fart drink taste good, it nooooo!


Whizzer of OTZ
#12201959 - 08/12/17 Re: It was bad [Re: simonkenton7]  
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rockinbbar Offline
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Not In The City
Originally Posted by simonkenton7
not interested in the smell of your farts.

Disgusting



Lighten up Simon... wink


If you don't watch the news, you are uninformed. If you do watch the news, you are misinformed...
#12201966 - 08/12/17 Re: It was bad [Re: Oldman03]  
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chlinstructor Offline
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TX
That was some funny chitt!


"Allways speak the truth and you will never have to remember what you said before..." unknown
Texans, "We say Grace, We Say Mam, If You Don't Like it, We Don't Give a Damn!"
#12202592 - 08/12/17 Re: It was bad [Re: Oldman03]  
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mtnsnake Offline
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Front Range Central Rockies, C...
It was funny but disgusting too.


NRA Life Member.
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