Remember the titanium bats from the 90’s that were the hot ticket for men’s league softball for about 10 minutes before they banned them? Something about the ball coming off the bat so hard it was like a grapefruit shot out of a cannon that might hurt someone if they were in the way.
My old man played men’s league when I was a sprout and they pooled their money and bought one of those bats. It was pretty badass I guess but made a distinctive sound when you got ahold of one. Nothing a hole drilled in the knob and a shot of spray foam wouldn’t cure.
Me and my baby Sis were playing ball in the yard and I wanted to hit. I’d been pitching to her all afternoon. So I get “The” bat out of dad’s bag because I’m going to bomb one out into the neighbor’s yard. But she can’t get it over the plate, “move up so you can get it here in the air” and she scootches up a little. Still in the dirt, “ scoot closer so you can get it over the plate”, and so on for about 4 pitches until she’s about 20’ away. Sure enough she lobs one in and I get all of it, line drive like a frozen rope, right into her right eye socket. I swear her feet came off the ground and her head hit the deck before the rest of her. Knocked her cold.
I ran in hollering, certain I’d killed her. Told dad, “come out Sis got hit”, he says “by a car?” I explain as we head for the yard. She was coming around as we got out there, covered in blood and already starting to swell up. They hauled her to the hospital, chewed my ass until we got to my grandparents’ place where I was kicked out at the curb with a rain check for an ass whoopin.
Miraculously she didn’t have a completely crushed face or any eye damage but she looked like Quasimodo for a couple weeks.
