Home Forums Hunting & Shooting Hunter's Campfire Long shots and leaps of Faith.......and Grace....want your input....

HG Bart's advice is the best you can get. Dang them Texans are always short and to the point.

Pat

HG, i find it very difficult to go see my father, he was and still is the biggest azz I have ever known, he is a biggot and a hypocrit and I really never got along with him. But i do occasionally when I cannot come up with a good excuse go see him. i still have thesame feelings I had as a kid towards him but he is my father and for some morbid reason I feel I must see him. Thank goodness my sister has him and not me. But then I have not seen my oldest son in seven years his sister has not seen him in five years, this is one disfunctional family. Thank god for my present family with out them I probably would have turned into my father. Go see your dad on your terms then leave on your terms. No other way to keep sane.

Bullwnkl.

I'd be a liar if I didn't admit that I have those same feelings. I mean, what right does he have to get to CHOOSE when he gets to bounce back into my life, regardless of his circumstances. No doubt.

No doubt I'll carry the bill for HIS decision...no doubt I'll come out short, in the short term. No doubt he is reaching out for selfish reasons. No doubt the only reason he is willing to even see me and revisit the the sick chit he did...is for selfish....self-serving reasons. No doubt.

Does he deserve the opportunity that I may, or may not, give him? In human terms, prolly not. In the eyes of the Lord, yes. It is a hard dance...and a struggle for me, to say the least.

What I do know...is what I need. I am a simple girl and closure, good, bad, or indifferent....is still closure...to me. I also know what Grace has afforded me thus far. It is something I bank on...and it ALWAYS pays off.

Just wanted to say, though, I understand the 'go on and never look back' theory. I have made the last 10 years out of it. I am done running and I am ready to face the ugly, as I have since I hit back home two years ago. My father is the last leg in the race, so to speak....and I wanna SHOW him that he didn't bury me....he just made me stronger.

It is hard to explain...but when someone beats the chit out of you for years and years and years....tells you that you are dumb and ugly...and not worth anything....and tells you day in and day out that nobody is ever gonna love you....and you ain't never gonna be able to take care of yourself....and on and on and on...and all the head games....it might feel DAMNED good to face that same person, your father...the person(man) that is suppose to protect and love you....stand tall and SHOW him ALL the BEAUTIFUL things you managed to scrape together in light of all the abuse.

Validation....and on some level a respect. Not for him but for me....ME. Nothing more, nothing less.....just the [bleep] TRUTH...in his face....to chew on.....like the [bleep] chit he left ME to chew on.

Damn. Now I am in pizzed off mode.

Thanks again....for all the insight...it makes me think. And I got a whole lotta thinking to do.

HoundGirl

Normaly, I stay out of these type of threads. But since reading this one again tonight, I'll give you my 2 cents. Based on the fact that he was abusive, both physicaly and verbaly, instantly makes we want to say forget his ass. But, I strongly suspect you do indeed want to go see him, before he dies, possibly. So I'd go into ICU and give him the first words.

I have no time for abusive sons a bitches like that. For a man to act that way and do those things to his own daughter is beyond disgust. How a man can be like is beyond understanding to me.

Were it me, I'd call him on the phone and tell him to [bleep] off and die.

Were I you, I'd go there and give him a chance to see what comes out of his mouth.

I did not read everyones posts. My response is based purely out of the facts you made mention of - his abuse to you - and my personal hatred towards bastards in this world like him.

Very good luck.

May the light of this new day bring you peace........

Stay strong,

Mark

...Nobody's ever going to love you?

Heck: take Ned with you, and also a copy of this thread!

Sis,
Takes alot of courage to revisit the dark-side.Gotta do it though...to put them demon's to rest.
Kinda like a [bleep] diaper...it stinks to high heaven...but it gotta be taken care of.

Going in to this expecting someone else to do the right thing is setting yourself up for major disappointment. Doing it because it's the right thing for YOU to do and not expecting anything in return is more realistic. Anything that may be resolved would be a bonus, but the true purpose is to do the right thing in your own mind. Others can't let you down if you don't expect too much... Best of luck with your decision & do what you feel is right. While it will be a very tough decision, it may bring closure to old wounds.

Them dang xpectations keep rearin their ugly heads eh.

I never even met your father and I despise him. Don't know how your deal will pan out but I remember my dad trying to make the Hump see how my father had amounted to something after all. The "See? You were wrong--I am successful with a great wife, family, house, and dog" gambit always backfired. My grandfather just took credit for making my dad the success he became. I suppose, in a perverse way that was true, but the Hump never deserved any thanks for it.

My dad should have (metaphorically) buried his father the day he moved out of his house.

Why not?

Penny

YES!!!! You go, girl!!! You've got it...

Penny

Yep. You will never regret doing the "right" thing.

HG,

He was dead wrong. You are very valuable to us. We all find you to be a wonderful person and a very witty woman who knows who she is. I think you are one of the best. You are a winner. He is the loser. It would have been an honor to have had you for a daughter. You'll never know how much joy I get from reading your posts. You have such a way with words.

Keep your chin up and have no regrets. Be the one in charge. You can do it. No doubt there. Remember......you're the winner.

Jim

Funny thing about the past - as much as people try to change it, they can't.

I know one thing, and that is that scared 15 year old girl would not even consider visiting him. You are not that 15 year old. From what I've observed in my brief time here, you are one very strong woman. In the South, we call them "Steel Magnolias".

You are the one in control now. He can no longer hurt you unless you let him.

It takes a lot of courage and character to do what you are about to do. That is a rare trait these days.

You are about to face one of your greatest fears in your life, and you will prevail. You may feel you are about to venture into the valley of the shadow of death, but you are the one with all the cards here. If he starts in again, let him know he is not going to hurt you anymore and he has no control over your life. You are giving him a rare chance which most people who have wronged others would never get. If he throws it away, that is his decision, not yours.

Hang in there and remind yourself that he is weak and you are strong.

God bless you.

Actually you can change the past. Events of the past obviously can't be changed, but our perception of them and how they affect us can be changed.

I'm glad glad Jesus doesn't pick and choose whom he will forgive,your father may not deserve forgiveness but if you will forgive him I believe you will be the winner in the long run!!

HG
I know I am new around these parts, but from what I have seen from you, you are a wonderful LADY .
I have just read this entire thread, and I have bounced back forth quite a bit on what I think. Let me say this FWIW.
My oldest is a boy we adopted. Both the Sperm Donor and Incubater that birthed him were physicaly and Sexually abusive to him from toddeler age till he was taken out the "home" at age 8. He suffered horrible things at thier hands. Many nights he still wakes with tears or screams ( even now 8 yerars later) thinking he was back in that awful inviroment YET he still wants to see them again at some point in the future. Every time I have heard him ask if this could happen I cringe inside. I HATE the thought of MY child suffering more at thier hands, but the answer I have always given is this. If when you reach adulthood YOU truly want to go see either one, you certainly may . And you can do so knowing that I will be at your side for every step if you want me. No guilt trip from me here at all just a teather to his new reallity and a safety valve if things start to go wrong. As some one said earlier once a person figures out how to push yuour buttons they can ( and likely will) do it forever.
I think it is important to have that grounding / safety net there with you. Perhaps this would be Ned for you or maybe someone else who has always been a source of love and comfort as you have grown into the good woman that you are now. But whoever it might be Iw ould strongly advise not going alone.

Sounds like you have a real good handle on the situation. The one question that needed to be asked, and sounds like you already have answered..would he have called if he wasn't on his back in the hospital?

Take solace that this time around he will be the one shaking, looking into your eyes & knowing. Hear him out, but give him nothing, he has a lot of work to do. Will he work at it, or is he looking for a quick & easy "get out of guilt card".

The worst that can happen? Well, maybe him trying to explaining to you why you or Mom were party to blame; about that time the only question you have left is where you and Ned are going eat on the way home.

Good luck to you, you'll do fine.

She doesn't have to see him to forgive him....