West Texas : don't shoot the piano player he's doing the best he can.
East Texas : don't shoot the bartender he's doing the best he can.

add your favorite slang.

P.

South Alabama--
He was so spooked, he was shaking like a dog sh#ttin' peach seeds.
I'm as sore as a whore's a$$ on the 3rd day of Mardis Gras.

Listening to a friend running his hound dogs in Alabama:

Hitt-Hon-Hovrr-eeer

Raining like a cow pissing on a flat rock.

Dryer than a popcorn fart.

There was no moon. It was darker than Coley's ass.

(That's more like Cussin' in Cowboy.)

It's colder than a well diggers ass.

But, it can get hottern' the hinges of Hell...

Blacker than the ace of spades.

Ass deep to a tall Indian.

Richer than 9ft up a bull's ass.

Referring to any/all government agencies.

"Damned Revenuers."

A buddy of mine used to say, I'd eat a mile of her schit just to see where it came from.

Stationed in San Angelo at Goodfellow AFB in the mid 60's. Rented an apartment from an old gentleman and his wife. One day, he came over and asked me if I could "carry" him to the store. His car wouldn't start. It took me a minute to figure out he didn't mean literally, just needed ride!

I'm a "fixin' to" go to the store.

Went to chit and the hogs ate him.

google search :

Don't piss on my leg and tell me it's rainin'!
Don't pee down my back and tell me it's raining.
That dog won't hunt.
You're lyin' like a no-legged dog!
If his lips's movin', he's lyin'.
You’d call an alligator a lizard.
That man is talking with his tongue out of his shoe.
He's as windy as a sack full of farts.

You forgot "all hat...no cattle".

Dumb as a box of rocks.

"make groceries"

"Colder than a witches tit in a brass brassiere!"

"IF a bullfrog had wings he wouldn't bump his azz every time he hopped!"

Right smart = a lot. As in, "they's a right smart a' Yankees comin' down the road, best be gettin' yore gun..."

Deader'n a hammer.

...and if granny woulda had balls, she'd be my grandpa.

I been running all over hell's half acre.
She's busier than a cat covering crap on a marble floor.
I'm as busy as a one-legged cat in a sandbox.
Busier than a moth in a mitten!

P.

"You done let your alligator mouth out talk your jaybird ass".

This one is self explanatory I think. Usually spoken just before somebody gets there ass "Whooped like a redheaded stepchild."

That truck couldn't pull a sick whore off a pi$$ pot

"Hotter than a $2.00 pistol"

"Mean as a rattle snake"

Southwest Pa. entry ; Mary Dam, Suzy Dam, and the whole Damn family.

"Tripped comin' down the stairs and I'm all stove up this mornin'"

Just stood there bigger'n Dallas.
"Who licked the red off your candy?"
Keep a tight slack in that rope.
A "skosh" of whatever.
For lagniappe.
Larrupin'! (What's that? It's so good, don't get any on your forehead 'cause your tongue will bash yer brains in trying to get the last bit.)
SO GOOD YOU'LL SLAP YO MAMMA (FOR MORE).

He's more nervous than a cat in a room full of rockin' chairs.

There was an older lady who worked for me on the farm. I was always picking on her, and her favorite saying was..."you lie like a Yankee". I asked her one day how come she knew Yankees lied, and she laughed and said it was just a saying her grandma used to have. She went on to say that she didn't even know any Yankees.....to which I told her that she hadn't missed out on anything.

That truck would not pull a greased string out of a cats ass. miles

"Lord willing and the Creek don't rise." Refers to the uprising of the Creek indian nation, not a stream of water.

A glass eye in a pigs azz could see that wouldn't work

Colder than a tin toilet in an igloo

Axle deep to a ferris wheel

Couldn't knock a sick nun off the crapper


mike r

"dumber n a sack of hammers"
"nervous as a long tail cat in a room full or rockers"
"madder than a wet hen"
"ugly as a mud fence"
"busy as a whore on nickel night"

Excerpt from a real conversation had with my two Northern suitemates during my first week of college many years ago:

Me: "Are y'all fixing to head out?"
Them: "What?"
Me: "Are y'all fixing to head out (louder)"
Them: "What?"
Me "Are you guys preparing to depart?"
Them: laughing

Busier that a one-armed paper hanger.

My favorite, Uglier than a leper colony whore.


mike r

"Drunker than Cooter Brown"

"He doesn't know if he should wind his ass or scratch his watch"

"Happy as a dead pig in the sunshine"

Well, that went over like a turd in the milk bucket!

Ain't sure we have enough bandwidth on this site to list all the Southern sland and sayin's.

Why wipe your a$$ if you're just going to schit again later.

George

Colder that a well diggers nose.

Hotter than 2 rats fu*kin in a wool sock.

Hotter than a fresh fu*ked fox in a forest fire.

"fixin'"

Shines like a Ni$$ers heel in a mud pudddle...

If wishes were fishes..you'd have somethin' to fry

Sweatin' like a Ni$$er doing Chinese 'rithmatic

He couldn't pour pis^s from a boot if the instructions were on the heel.

"Happy as a puppy with two peeters!"

Colder than a witch's tit on a well diggers a$$.

Grinnin' like a jackass eating sawbriars.

Ain't had this much fun since the hogs ate my uncle.

Haven't read them all but one of my favorites is referring to a guy thats basically a braggart or otherwise full of hot air:

"That Guy could blow up an onion sack"


My grandfather would comment on sloppy or shoddy works

"That looks worse than a fat lady with her bloomers showing".

When you heard that you knew you were going to have to start over and clean it up.

Trey S I like yours, made me chuckle.

Uglier than a pimple on a whore's azz.
You'll came back now, ya heeear (gotta drag it out).
Pay no mind (to)
How nice, how nice.....

How many of you can decipher this phrase.

"Jeet?"

He ain't the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree.

Did you eat?

As in "jeet yet?"

fixin' to!

That mud would bog a buzzard's shadow.

Slick as a waxed snake on a marble floor.

Tighter than dick's hatband.

That would knock a buzzard off a scheit wagon, when you crank deadly swamp gas flatulence.

Grinin like schitt eatin possum.

from : https://www.google.com/#q=jeet+definition

The Meaning of JEET. JEET means "Did you eat?" ... What does JEET mean? JEET is an acronym, abbreviation or slang word that is explained above where the JEET definition is given.

She is so ugly, she would make a freight train take a dirt road.

Ross Perot had a southern slang solution for any complicated problem , lots of youtube video about that.


P.

Dammit. You guys got that pretty quickly. Great job!

Busier than a one-legged man at a butt kicking contest.

Hotter n' a fresh f***ed fox

Slicker n' deer guts on a door knob

Slicker n' a cats ass

In a pepper patch. miles

Shining like a diamond in a goats ass

Poor people have poor ways

Bless your heart....

Stronger than an acre of garlic.

That's enough to bring a tear to a glass eye.

That boy is just like a rock in your shoe!
She looked like 10 miles of bad road!

"Blacker'n a raven's throat at midnight."

"That warn't enuff rain to drown a pissant."

"That boy's as narrow through the eyes as a cutworm."

"That girl's so ugly her momma had to tie a pork chop around her neck just to get the dogs to play with her."

"I'd liefer eat a plate of barbed wire as to eat them sewer trout."

"Hey Yullen, lemme borrow your pocket knife."
"I ain't carried a knife since I got big enuff to kill a man with my fists."

"That boy couldn't get a piece of azz in a women's prison with a fist full of pardons."

"That boy couldn't get a piece of azz in a cheap whorehouse on nickle night."

L.W.

Worthless as tits on a boar hog

My hunting buddy has a lot of them but a couple favorites are:

On something he really doesn’t want to do: “I’d rather stand inside a phone booth and jerk off a bobcat with a handful of red hot BB’s.”

On bad luck: “I swear if it was raining pussy I’d get hit with a dick.”

Cut that board half in two.

Nervous as a n i g g e r in a Mississippi rape case.

Uglier than a bucket of a$$holes.

Meaner than home-made sin.

Boy, you get any skinnier and you gonna fall through your azzwhole and hang yourself.


That ain't a goatee....it's a shock absorber for a high speed [bleep]...

About as smart as a pig lookin at a wristwatch. all you hear is a bunch of squealin and the pig rubs his nose on the watch face and gits it dirty.

If brains was dynamite, that boy would not have nuff to blow his nose.

Arguin with him is like wrestlin with a pig, all that happens is you get dirty and the pig loves it.

Ladies reply- "Well bless your heart" translates to that is one dumb ass there.

That's like going around a dogs nose to get to his ass.

Hey ya'll, watch this!

Uglyern sin.

Ain't no music on the car radio - means your radio earl is broke.

To make the car go faster you gotta mash the foot feed.

"Wearing a rubber is like taking a shower with a raincoat on."

". . . so ugly the sun refused to shine."

". . . looks like someone beat her with an ugly stick."

That one fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.

Interpreted from Cacalacky slang. Eastern NC of coarse.

"That dog couldn't find a corn bread bear with a ham bone azz hole."

Slicker than cum on a gold tooth!

Uglier than a mud fence.

I wouldn't wear that to a goat fkn.

So bucked toothed she could eat corn through a screen door.

Ain't a tree in the woods so big a short dog can't pizz on it.

"That's gonna be bout as easy as stuffin a wet noodle up a wildcats ass!"

"She's so damn ugly she'd make a freight train take a turn row!"

"Go on fool....hell ain't half-full yet!"

"Throw a flag over her and go for Old Glory!"

told my boss from Chicago 2 days ago that a guy working for me was busier than a 2 peckered rabbit

he had to stop the review and laugh for awhile.

Or: Raining like a double kudered cow pissing on a flat rock in Arizona.

Referring to an unattractive girl: I've stepped over better than that on my way to watch TV.

Fine as frog's hair. Or, fine as frog's hair split six ways.

"She's anybody's dog that'll hunt with her"

"That just don't crank my tractor"

Skinny - "Poor as a snake"
Fat - "Fleshy"

"Slicker than snot on a door knob"

would you explain this? i googled it and can't find what it means :-)

P.

......so ugly has to sneak up on a glass of water to take a drink.

Rode hard and put away wet.

One foot in the grave other on a banana peel.

A face not even a mother (father, lesbian, etc.)could love.

(fill in the blank) tastes so good, if you put some of it on top of your head your tongue would beat your brains out trying to get to it!

Or "I'd drag my balls through 5 miles of broken glass just to sniff the tire tracks from the truck that picked up her dirty laundry!"

He aint worth a huckleberry in a bear's azz.

That explains MUCH.

Slicker than snot on a doorknob.
Slicker than a hen house floor on a Monday morning.
Dumber than an anvil.
Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
Locked up tighter than Murphy's trunk.
You so ugly I'm gonna slap your mama for giving birth to you.
Not the sharpest pencil in the room.

"That piece of fried chicken was the last part going under the fence."

Deader than 4 o'clock.

I did NOT know that about Creek Nation.

"That fine lookin' girl's got an azz on her looks like two puppies playing together under a silk sheet."

"That girl's so ugly if I had a dog with a face like that I'd shave his azz and make him walk backwards."

"Stick with me, darlin', and you'll be wearin' diamits the size of horse turds."

L.W.

plumb lawrrapin. this from a buddy of mine from pine bluff arkansas. if something was plenty good, it was plumb lawrrapin. whatever that is.

in the yukon

grinin' like a coon in a corn patch

grinin' like a possum eatin' persimmons

uglier than a mud fence

ni33er riggin'

Also known as "southern engineering" in some parts.

Tightern a bulls ass in fly season.

Slicker'n hammered owl chit


If you're gonna deal with him you'd better have all your chit in one sock.


That truck is so weak it couldn't pull a greasy string out of a cat's ass.

I'm worn out as a pair of jumper cables at a nagger funeral.

You couldn't run her off with a long handled mop and a bucket of $hit!

There's more (insert noun) than you can shake a stick at.

(Doing something) like its going out of style.

And my all time favorite from my late uncle "chicken licken"

As in "I picked up a new rifle and man, that thing is chicken licken"

My dad used to say she's "Uglier than a mud fence"

Some others posted that I've heard different variations of:

"Colder than a witches tit in a brass bra"

"It's darker than ten feet up a bull's ass"

"Happier than a puppy with two tails"

I'm so mad I could chew barbed wire and spit nails!

We always said Montana.

The more politically correct term is "Afro Engineering". I always told my Dad he had a PHD in it.

A brain in that head would be like a BB in a boxcar.

"jimmyphucked"


You never met Jimmy....

Taste good.

Slicker than cat guts

Women are all the same size lying down

Actually it's African engineering.

Slicker than a skinnin knife, what we call you carpetbaggin fuggs a from up Nort

I think that was a Festus Hagen saying. miles

Means it ain't a very good hunting dog.

"Weaker than three day old piss with the foam farted off."

I heard it as " her ass was prettier than two piglets in a pillacase".


He was all laid out "stiffer than a wedding dick".

and "it came off like a prom dress"

Jeet jet?

Nope, djou?

Nope, essko.

Tighter than a nuns ass.

Hotter than a two peckered billy goat.

Hotter than a half Fckd fox in a forrest fire.

Slicker than a minner's dick
Stiffer than a honeymoon pecker, "my personal contribution to the world".
Nervous as a queen eating a hotdog
Looks like hammered [bleep]
Smells like a bag of ass

Chitt through a screen door at 50 yards.
Would have followed her 5 miles to smell her farts, now I wouldn't cross the street to say hello.

That boy can screw up the moving parts in an anvil!

Cut off/cut on the light.

girl's so ugly she couldn't hem up a hog if you put it in a ditch

so broke, if steam powered paddle wheel riverboats were two for a nickle, I couldn't afford to run down the riverbank hollerin thats a good deal

directly- "when you gonna carry me to the store? derreckly"

I could read every bit of that easily. Felt like home.

where's it at? right yonder

hungry enough to eat the azz out of a wooden hobby horse with it runnin fitty mile an hour

I doctored it up.

He is a brick shy of a load.

Waterproof as a frogs azzhole.

Tighter than the A string on a guitar.

He can pinch a penny and make ol Abe holler.

Shiny as a new penny.

Smooth as a baby's butt.

Heck, we so poor we can't afford to pay attention.

Poor lad can't carry a tune in a bucket.

Lights are on but nobody's home.

Stairs don't go all the way to the attic.

All hat and no cattle.

Hungry enough to eat the south end of a northbound skunk.

So poor he has to jack the dog off to feed the cat.

Pissin up a rope.

Loadin' coal in a cotton wagon.

It was like herdin' cats.

Like pushin' string through a pipe.

"I was so broke a dime looked like a wagon wheel."

"That makes about as much sense as using a table cloth for a parachute."

That ol' boy is so incompetent he'd screw up a one cow cattle drive."


L.W.

Weak as cat piss

You don't know good sh*t from apple butter

Don't trust that boy-he's as crooked as a bucket of guts

Sh*t fire and save matches

Nervous as a whore in church.





P

I'll be your huckleberry

It's coming a turd floater

Tick tight

Like a fart in a skillet

If I had that guys/,hat/boots/girlfrend ? and he had a feather in his A$$ We would both be plumb tickled.

So broke you cant even pay attention.

When something's broke it's jillflirted.
If ifs and buts were candies and nuts we would all have a merry Christmas.

Grinning like a mule with a mouth full of Yellowjackets.

It came from a letter written by President James Madison to someone else regarding an important meeting.



"Slicker'n the green ring around a snake's ass."

"Hoss high, pig tight, and bull strong"

"Uglier than homemade sin"

"Dumber than a bag of hammers"

"He's about as sharp as a marble"

"Use yer head for somethin' other than a hat rack!"

"He ain't got the sense God gave a Billy Goat."

"My boobs are sore, my dress is tore, and I ain't gonna do it for a quarter no more!"



Ed

Drunker than Ted Kennedy!

On time a kid and I were trying to stuff a 30x40' tarp in the back of a van on a windy day. I said it was like mud wrestling a fat girl. No way to get a grip. He gave me a really dirty look. Then a few days later, I saw his wife. 5' tall and every ounce of 300lb.

MR ducks
MR not
OSAR
C M wangs
LIB MR ducks



My mother wrote this on a chalk board in the school cafeteria and offered a free ice cream if any of the kids could read it correctly.

Nobody won...

And another:

I'd like to buy that som bitch for what he's worth and sell him for what he thinks....

CA: Are you stupid, or just stoned?

Yankee slang: How much snow did ya git.
Answer: It's azz hole deep to a 7 ft. Indian.

I heard it referring to a woman's teeth:

she could eat corn on the cob through a picket fence!

Quit rollin your eyes like a sick calf in a hail storm. (uncle)
Son, you need that like a hog needs a side saddle. (mother)
As difficult as pushing a chain.
You shoulda been here tomorrow. (fishing guide)

Slicker than fish eels fu*king in a barrel of snot.

As drunk as a pied eyed ni**er.

Quieten down!

Catchya back



I grew up hearing "See ya later, alligator. After while, crocodile."

My Alabama-ish first wife insisted it was "See ya later, alligator. Catchya back,crocodile."

I was always like "That's not even a thing!"

What in the SamHill are you doing

We all you all

It's fixing to come a frog strangler.

I've heard what in the "Sam Hell" are you doing.

From Momma, "Son, don't be ugly"

Sam Hill was a man, notorious for his cursing. My grandmother used to say this to me a lot.

You better mind your p's and q's

He'd rather shove butter up a bobcats ass with a knitting needle than mess with me!

Overheard while listening to one guy tell another he was gonna whup his ass: "Well, you're gonna have ta do it before you can talk about it"

Going elk hunting makes me happy as a puppy with two peters. Sometimes I'm happy as a dead pig in the sun.

My buddy born in the Mississippi Delta "I'm fu**ing this cat, you just hold the paws." Often shorten to "I'm fu**ing this cat."

Means I want your help, not your opinion. Born and raised in Mississippi, I know too many of these to begin writing down.

Was helping a friend of mine repair a wagon he used in movie scenes. One wheel was wobbly.

As we jacked up that wheel, the spindle broke and he just stared at it a second then said... "Well, dip me in dog schidt, and roll me in sugar!"

Pretty much captured the feeling of the event!

Eat peanuts out of a hot sauce bottle. miles

MR snakes
MR not
OSAR
CM EDBDI's
LIB MR snakes

Wakie Wakie Hands off snakie

Ha!!!!

For the love of Mike

He ain't the sharpest knife in the drawer
.

A woman thinks it takes two to keep a secret

Rougher than a cob
He don't know $hit from Shinola
He's et up with it
Broke out with the dumba$$
Serious as a heart attack

This!

"You shoulda been here tomorrow" sounds like something Yogi Bera would say.

Cut off your nose to spite your face

Quit cheer bitchin!

She makes my D!(K so hard it'd dull a GINSU......

A handsome husband is trouble.

He got hit with an ugly stick

Said:

Y'all come back, hear?

Heard:

Y'all come back here



I'm drawing your tub. (filling bathtub)

When in agreement.....'chit I reckon'

Something goes wrong....'well dog bite my pecker'

Can I get some sugar? (kiss)

The word 'ornt', like you ornt do that. (deep East Texas)

A smart man realizes how little he knows.

You are from the south if you know the correct 'order' of things, smallest to largest.......

A bunch
A few or couple
A chittload
A ton
A heap
A mess

HINT:
a couple of them mean the same thing

the list can change depending on if you're talking 'bout greens or hogs

It got so hard, the cat couldn't scratch it!

if it's got tires tracks or tits it's trouble.

norm

You would rather try to skin a gorilla in a phone booth, with a rusty pair of nail clippers, than mess with me.

through a bob-wire fence

Yeah, me an Billy Roy caught a mess of catfish, and Mom cooked them up with some collards and cornbread.

Well, just fart in the damn jug.

Colder than a witches titty

GFAY

(go f^ck all y'all)

Well, f---k me runnin

I hit you so hard, so fast you think I'm in your pocket

graduated high school

I'll put my boot so far up your ass you'll be tasting Kiwi (shoe polish) for a week!

That's just the meanness poppin' outta you! (some one gets sick)

"Flatter'n a road-kill red wiggler!" (speaking about a flat-chested girl)

"Built for speed, not comfort" (speaking about a really skinny girl)

"Might a well walk over her as around her, the distance is about the same."

Ed

Crazy as a peach orchard boar.

Squattin' in tall cotton. (You have to experience this to appreciate)

Incest is best.....

Snot slinging drunk....

You boys are telling some stretchers

You boys are telling some stretchers

Fart like a mule

Once in a blue moon

What's the story with this one anyway?

Not intending on being a jerk, but didn't you post it?

I can tell you that in my experience cotton wagons would be to lightly constructed and porous to be of much use hauling coal.

guess who ?

"Never start an argument with a woman when she's tired -- or when she's rested."


P.

Will Rogers.

From my old Grandpa, "She can't help it the good Lord made her ugly, but she could stay home."

"quicker than a New York minute".

He's so poor that he makes less in an evening than a piano player in a whore house."

You're a cousin to Robert Ruark?

I could reach into a barrel full of rotten [bleep] and pull up something better than this thread.

Everyone needs a hobby.

heaaaaayh i'll stick it in her and still walk up to her.

I'd pee in her butt.

Grinnin' like a 'possum eaten' chit onna frosty morning.

He could futz up a free turkey dinner.

He could futz up a one car funeral.

As handy as a 6 peckered billy goat.

Me: "always park the car facing the street , just in case the feds show up"

P.

Looks like she has been chasing parked cars.

Straight as a Indian goes to chit.

Hungry as a woodpecker with a headache.

Yeah, just wondering if any of the savants here might know where this started.

Put it in soft and listen for the ribs to crack

"I'd tongue punch her farthole", wait, did I just type that.

Many of these sayings ain't from da south, more like rural america! Chit look at that ass, shakes like two wildcats in a gunny sack! That broke dick couldn't fix anything! Also that afro engineering you spoke of, is [bleep] rigging out west! Split tree top is a marm, looks like a school marm stood on her head. Wow it's rain,n pitchforks n [bleep] babies! That one I heard in N. Carolina. Go down the 4 lane about two shakes,the red dots on the left. What I was told when asking for a liquor store! Also N.C! Not the brightest crayon in the box.

Guys from Columbia , MS. I worked offshore with years ago would say how far some place was measured in beer .
How far to that lake --oh bout a twelve pack .

[2] Can't swing a dead cat at the lake there's so many people around .

Or as my brother would say, "Well suck me off with a breast pump."

Go cut me a switch...

Ugly as home made sand.

Kiss me slobber lips, I'm thirsty.

He has a little slack in his steering wheel.

"blacker than Toby's touch hole"

Harder than the back of God's head.

I ain't felt this bad since the rats ate my sister.

If you don't care where you are, you ain't lost.

I'd drag my "belly" over fifty yard of broken glass just to "hug" her after three sets of tennis.

Larapin' good truck! I love Arkansas Sop!

Never force it, just get a bigger hammer.............
if it's stuck....force it....if it breaks it needed fixin' anyways.

My favorite southern slang is:

"I'm glad I don't have a job so I can stay home and [bleep] my brother all day."




Dave

My dad always called the big rocks in the logging roads, colored black from the tires, n I --er heads! More blank heads on that road than you can shake a stick at!

Wow. I hope your brother escaped? Lol.

Told my younger son who was about 4 yo to tell mom when he got home that "he was hungry enough to gnaw the tail off a skunk".

caught some "serious schitt" over that one.

Racist sounding but that's what we southerners are all suppose to be any way...

Happier than a N*&^R with a $95 Cadillac

Want in one hand and chit in the other and see which one fills up first.

Hard to soar with the eagles when I'm down here scratchin wid the chickens.

Does a chicken have lips?!

I'll hit ya so hard your momma'll fall over.

Haven't had the pleasure of reading all 10 pages yet so if these have been posted already, please forgive:

Hotter'n 2 rats screwin in a wool sock

I'm as tired as a 1-legged man in an @$$ kickin contest

He's got a little sugar in his gas tank

Happier than a tornado in a trailer park

Once knew an old codger that on really hot days would say:

Boy, I'd sell a dead relative for a cold beer right about now!

Had a neighbor that like his drink a lot. Hit me up one time for a drink of whiskey. Told me "I am so thirsty, I would drink with a hare-lipped nagger and let Him have the first drink." miles

I have a friend whose mother would tell her:

I'm gonna beat your @$$ till your nose bleeds.

Not southern, heard when I moved to Wyoming.... "How's the weather"? "Clear and still..... clear up to your ass, and still snow'n"!! memtb

She's so ugly, looks like her face caught fire an they put it out with a track shoe! memtb

My personal favorite is: "That's fricked up like an old nagger bicycle."

On something he didn't want to do a Marine buddy of mine would say: I'd rather drink kerosene and go piss on a brush fire.

A friend of mine says: I'd rather jerk off a grizzly with a handful of cockleburs.

Some more I keep thinking of:

Either "unloosen" that bolt/screw OR "untighten" it. Guaranteed to do it wrong if you take them literally.

In August in central Arkansas you might hear: "someone's done put the heat on hell.

On an idiot: "he couldn't find his a-hole if he had flashlights for fingers.

Shakin / Sweatin like a hillbilly trying to read.

Friend from Poyen, AR would say "I'm eatin this possum. You just watch for cars!"

Nuff hair on my back to weave an Indian blanket and you call me boy!

On having bad luck: "If I became an undertaker; people'd stop dyin'"...... On extreme thirst: "I'm so dry I could fart dust".

With a dose of crabs.

"Fuller than a pot-belly ditch minner".

My heritage is that of a cowboy from the mountain west who through a story that is a tale of its own ended up attending college in the deep south, and subsequently serving the requisite engineering internships with a very successful construction company with long, deep southern roots.

I'm privileged to have so apprenticed under a crusty old "job superintendent" as they were called in the day, now what would be a project manager. This was a man from deep south Alabama, with no formal education, but a genius for people and building like I've seldom seen since in my 35 years in the business, on 5 continents. The loyalty of his people and the utter respect he was paid when he entered a room or sat up in a meeting still makes me smile. Anyway, for an Idaho boy his vocabulary might as well have been martian, but a LOT of his phrases I've adopted over the years (including the slight modification to his syntax in my sig line)...

Though only a partial list, these are the ones I heard most often, for each day on the construction projects he'd have a 5:00 am "POD", or Plan OF the Day" where he would go over weather, progress, safety, equipment, personnel and the like. (Common now, but pretty darn radical $h!t in the '70s!)

Anyway, from his meetings:

WEATHER:
"Colder than a (unt full of cracked ice."
"Hotter than a puzzy squat to pizz in a pepper patch."
And in a strange shift from his usual anatomical bent,
to some deep-seeded neighboring state prejudice:
"Hotter'n hell and half of Georgia."

JOB PRODUCTIVITY:
A good day earned a "Boys, we're $h!tt!n in high
cotton."; and a bad day "Got d@mn!t, we're as phuqked
as a 5 dollar broodmare."

On anyone he felt stupid, (especialy Owners and Engineers!):
"That (o(ksu(ker's ringier than a pet coon!"


The education I learned from him has often times over the past decades yielded me dividends well beyond the college that brought us together. God bless the great culture of the south, and the hardscrabble working folk it has produced who have so contributed to the backbone of our great country...

I saw it like the nagger saw the moon. From a distance.

Harder than a ministers pecker in a cats a$$.

You don't know snake chit from wild honey.

Aight den.

My grandmothers favorite
Longer than a month of Sunday's.

Chit load

They made their money the old fashioned way... They inherited it!

Nervous as a fa66ot eating a hot dog.

After a hard day.

We din't do much today ....but we will give 'er hell tomorrow.

This what I told the crew , after pouring 350 CY/ hour concrete main- line paving.

Got funny looks..........

Reminded me of:

A foot long

Big around as a beer can

And a bucket of balls

and you calling me......... Boy!