I've posted this before, but once my brother's horrible, mentally-deranged ex-wife told us a heart-felt story about her mother always beating her with a wooden spoon. The next Christmas I gave her a nicely wrapped box with a large bow on it - she was excited to open it and when she did, she found a large wooden spoon. She yelled and then punched me in the arm. My brother and I thought it was hilarious.

l told my pap and mam I was going to be a mountain man; acted like they was gut-shot. Make your life go here. Here's where the peoples is. Mother Gue, I says, the Rocky Mountains is the marrow of the world, and by God, I was right.
- Del Gue