It was so hot, I saw a rattlesnake crawl into the campfire trying to find shade under the coffee pot.
He talks so much, he musta been vaccinated with a Victrola needle.
He'd climb a greased pole backwards to tell a lie rather than stand flat footed on the ground and tell the truth.
He was so cross eyed, he could stand on Wednesday and look both ways for Sunday.
Watch him, he'll steal the stink out of dirty.
He's so tight, he'd skin a flea for his hide and tallow.
She's cuter than a speckled pup under a red wagon
Hotter than an eleven dollar cook stove.
He's about three turns tighter than tree bark.
Ain't got the sense God gave a goose.
He's scared of his own shadow.
The boy wouldn't say "sooooie" if the hogs was eatin' 'im!
I wouldn't take a gold monkey for it....or....I'd give a gold monkey to see that!
Give a poor man a hundred dollars and the first thing he wants to do is join the country club and vote a republican ticket.
A poor man voting for a republican is like a chicken voting for Col. Sanders.
Couldn't whup his way out of a wet paper sack.
Quicker than two shakes of a dead lamb's tail.
He was so mean, they had to hire pall bearers.
He was so crooked, they had to screw him in the ground.
Q: How do you make a Baptist laugh on Sunday?
A: Tell him a joke on Wednesday!
I couldn't catch a cafe on biscuit wheels
If beer was a dime a bottle, I couldn't even buy a smell.
I'm so broke I'd have to fart twice to make a scent.
He's so tight he can make Lincoln squeal.
He's so tight he squeaks when he walks.
He's got nine and a half cents out of the first dime he ever made.
He can turn on a dime and give you nine and a half cents change!
Beat you like a red headed step child.
Rather hear a fat boy fart than hear a pretty girl giggle.
Last edited by MartinStrummer; 01/30/23.
