about ten years ago, i watched my mother die a slow death. Then 3months later it was my son's turn. A victim of downwinders, i.e. govt testing of nuclear bombs in nevada, and blowover radiation into arizona, and he died of cancer. That day i called up to prescott, sensed it was time and got there just in time to hold his hand and whisper in his ear, just let go, let it get done. About 30seconds later, he died. I watched him suffer with that cancer for months. He died about four days before the 4th of july, so you can imagine how our fourth's go these days. People shouldn't outlive their kids. Ronnie was my stepson. A couple of months before he died we were having this conversation, I never knew what to call him, son, friend, buddy, he was all of these. He gave me then the biggest compliment i ever got, and said i was always there for him, unlike his biological dad, so "dad" worked for him. I miss him to this day.
Tomorrow I will be up where we always deer hunted, and i will do like I do every year, stop by the place he liked to camp and remember. Cancer is an evil thing, and I don't have good answers except i don't blame anyone that wants to end the pain.
I remember that last elk hunt he tried to do. He did the walking and so on, but would be screaming at night from the pain. It isn't fun to be in a camp listening to your son cry out like that and not a damn thing you can do. I do know if he had chosen to take his own life, none of us, and I mean none, would have blamed him.
Sorry for the loss of your son. It's always tough when the children go first.
