High_Noon:
I'm sorry for your dad's poor health and mean disposition, and I'm sorry for your mother having to have her life horribly affected by a bad and unfair situation.
Know that no matter what you do or how hard you try to placate everyone you will fail. Your father's feelings and pride will both take a beating but that's okay. Some will be happy and some will be miserable.
Because of this you have to implement actions that are well thought out and agreed upon by all caretakers involved. If you act from a position that is void of how things benefit you and only deal with how they benefit each parent you will sleep well at night and be proud of what you do.
It sounds like your mother really needs help and her desire to put him in a home speaks volumes of where her mind is on her situation. I think Parkinson's and other debilitating diseases like that have a tendency to exacerbate personality traits and if your father was vitriolic and abusive when healthy those traits will only be amplified as his illness progresses and he struggles to deal with what is happening to him. While understandable it is not excusable. It sounds like she's endured enough and no one deserves to be a human punching bag especially at that stage of their life. Talk to an attorney and get the legal side of things in order. Get a nurse to stay with your father and bring your mother to your place for a long visit and see how things go. Have a plan in place and don't let emotions hijack it. I bet you'll be amazed at how much your mother changes at your house when she isn't in such an abusive and toilful environment. And you'll realize that without your father doing a 180 on his personality and behavior there is nothing you can do that will suffice him.
I'm sorry for your situation right now but just know many others have traveled similar roads. Good luck. May you be filled with courage, wisdom, and strength. -tnscouter
