Previously I'd of said my 18 month battle to get my then 3 year old son back after the ex absconded with him out of state.
Now I'd say the last year of my life is the toughest thing I've gone through. Mom came down sick last August, with what we later learned was lung cancer. She lived in my house an hour away from where the W and I were staying. Two to three trips a week out to take her to Dr's appointments to get it all figured out. I took the lead on everything, coordinated everything, talked to Dr's, set appointments, picked her up for appointments, etc. She had gotten very weak, could no longer walk without assistance of me or a walker.
Was in the process of trying to find a house with a guest cottage to move us all into when things went really sideways.
I'd been talking to her almost daily during the entire ordeal. Never went more than 48 hours without calling. Made two trips out to her place when she didn't answer the phone for hours on end, fearing the worse, only to find her okay.
Then one day I called, had to pick her up for an appointment. No answer, but I was already on the way. Got to the house and immediately knew something was wrong. I hear her weakly call to me from bathroom. I ask if she is okay. No was the answer. I go in to find her laying on the floor, looking like she'd been ran over by a car. Sores, bleeding arms and points of contact where she was laying on the floor. Couldn't believe it. She had been losing weight, but now she looked like a concentration camp victim.
I called for medics, and they took her to the hospital. During all this they asked how long she'd been there like that. She said 3 or 4 days. I told them not possible, I'd spoken to her two days before.
I had not. Later checking my phone in the hospital parking lot at 3am it finally dawned on me. I'd missed a call. I got busy working on a home made lever device for her inhaler so she could operate it, and didn't wrap up until later the night, and I thought I'd called. Just spaced it. Didn't call the next day as I thought I'd talked to her the night before, and I'd be seeing her the following day.
The blow to me of that realization was excruciating. Best I could figure she'd been down there 3 days. I remember crying and telling the wife "this will ruin me."
She passed 10 days later. I blame myself. I missed making the call.
Started drinking way too much, way too often. Had been eating like chit for the entire time mom was sick and after she passed....eating fast food on the run, or delivery at home. Put on 30 lbs in about 9 months.
Thought I'd close up the house for a few months, then go through her things, clear it out, and sell the house. Then the wife got an offer to transfer to AZ (my home state). We decided to do it. The following months of clearing out the house, going through mom's things, packing up our house, selling my house, buying a new house, etc., etc. just wrecked my back and my mental state.
Mom passed in late February. We are in AZ now, and I am taking 4 or 5 months off to get settled and recover before I look for work. Started drinking less, started cooking for us again, and am so far down 15 lbs of the 30 I gained. Back is still wrecked, but getting better I hope.
A lot to look forward to. Have a beautiful home in AZ, I'll be venturing out shortly for some shooting and some fishing in the white mountains, and am "healing up." The last year easiest the most brutal thing I've ever gone through, but I know if mom (and dad) are able to look down on me and see what I've done and that I'm back home, they'd be smiling ear to ear.
