[quote=Potsy]
For years I carried the guilt that had I been there that afternoon I would’ve started CPR immediately and he would’ve had a chance. To a lesser extent I felt like grandpa was holding on for me and only stopped when I left.
Have been told by people in the profession (elder care / hospice care) that this is not unusual at all. While they appear to be "out of it", they will often hang on until loved ones leave, or until they understand it is "okay to go".
It seems to happen a lot I guess when family is there, then head out for a quick "break" like dinner or a few hours sleep.
Had a close friend succumb to cancer 15 years ago. The final stretch was a long and painful one for him. But ol' Eric was battling and hanging on. He finally passed with family and friends around. I was holding one of his hands, and his son the other. His son leaned into him and said "Dad, we will be okay. We love you. If you are tired of fighting and want to go, it's okay to go". There was an almost immediate change in breathing. Then Eric stopped breathing a minute later. That was tough to watch.
When mom passed the nurse warned me of this (though I'd been aware of the phenomenon before). I'd been on an almost constant vigil in her last weeks. I needed sleep, I was a walking disaster. We hired 24/7 nurse to stand bedside. I went home to sleep. Not long after I woke, and preparing to go back and see mom, she passed.
I have no guilt over that. She knew I (and the rest of us) were there for her for endless hours in the end. I'm haunted by many ugly visions over her final weeks, but thankfully watching her take her last breath was not one of them. She certainly wouldn't have wanted that. She was an extremely unselfish and giving woman. She knew she was loved, and would not need to be surrounded in her final moments to feel so, and would HATED the thought of putting anyone out. Strongest woman I've ever met.
Some people just need permission to go, or just want to be alone when it is time to save loved ones the additional grief.
