We all know that the varieties of human values, thought and behavior are endless. I try to accept folks as they arrive, give them a reasonable amount of respect and trust according to the circumstances, and take it from there based on their ensuing behavior. Unless I am responsible for what they do, any expectations on my part are worthless and needless. I think this can be a good approach to places like the Campfire
Every person I ever hired, and most of my students, were told clearly that they could not earn my trust and respect - that I had taken the risk of giving both respect and trust to them in full measure at the outset - and they knew my hope that they could appreciate that and not do anything to lose either. Most took and used that very, very well - some did not. They soon were gone. That is simply one man's method, and it has seemed most humane to me. Yours may be better - much better. Consistency with one's espoused values and beliefs looms large among others.
Internet acquaintances usually flash some things quickly. So be it - one can assess quickly and decide how to handle them. Seems like I rarely avoid a strong discussion about values - even a battle here and there - but often it's difficult to do that well and honorably on the Campfire, or almost anywhere on the internet. Lots of variety here.
Friends are different and, even as a kid, I decided to not try to seek friends. Friendships develop as a result of interaction, judgments based on important shared values, and the felt joy of the relationship. Good decisions regarding friendship require discernment. One of the best pieces of advice my wonderful Dad ever offered was that a man should choose as friends only those who will bring out the very best in him. Thankfully, I have a few. Few, but precious.
As for comments upon the passing of another, I try to follow a rule. One should say of the deceased only those things that one would have said to his/her face when alive, and best to avoid saying things that might be, even in the least, injurious or disrespectful to those who mourn the passing. I'm about to lose a beautiful friend following almost 50 years of enjoyment, deep respect and wonderful mutual accomplishments. The comments will be easy, the loss difficult. Hope there is something useful here.
