The differences in post-op experiences can often be explained by the skill of the surgeon. Find the best you can. One who does several a week is a real plus. While difficult to do, the best way to accomplish this is to find physical therapists who will tell you who gets the best results. How one accomplishes this is up to you. It is frowned upon to express such opinions but with resourcefulness, it can be done. Of course not all PT folks have the same skills either, so that's another task that is well worth some effort.
Staying close to home may not always be the best idea, depending on local choices.
I had a partial rotator cuff tear and could not raise my arm above my shoulder but elected to do nothing for reasons not relevant here. It took 4 or 5 years but eventually I could throw a football again pretty well. Crossing patterns and outs were pretty easy. Going deep...not so much, but by then other factors may have intervened.
BTW part of the problem with healing, with or without surgery, is that the blood supply to this area is very bad so it takes a long time to heal. That's just the way it is.
Of course memory of pain eventually fades.
Best wishes and good luck.
