Just gettin stuff off my chest.
I always said no regrets, none. But I lied to myself. Went through a lot of women, way too many to discuss here. Two always on my mind. Always. Never mattered who else I was with.
The first one ill get judged for on here, but is what it is. We were young, I was 17 or so, she was 14. Jen. I actually set her up with my buddy. They went out twice, but he didnt have a car so I ended up picking her up for him. I kicked myself in the ass for setting them up and not going out with her myself. After their second date, I picked her up one day and I always flirt. But I went heavy and she was so horny it wasnt funny. I told her we cant go any further, shes dating my best friend. She said pull over at a phone booth ill break up with him...so I did lol. Ya im an azzhole. So we made plans but....I had girls all over the place and I was trying to run em all. Got busted when one found out I was dating her cousin. So I went back to Jen. But found out she ran away from home. I asked all her family that knew where she was, but nobody would tell me where she was.
Eventually 3 weeks later I found where she was and went to tell her I made some mistakes and wanted her. Man did I ever. I realized she was the one. But when I got there I rang the doorbell and a guy answered. A black dude. He asked who I was looking for and I said I have the wrong place and left. I grew up racist. Try not to be today, but it still comes back. Anyhow......she ended up pregnant and had a baby girl. I ran into her at a bar about 6 years later and she ran up to me and gave me a big hug and I pushed her off and told her to get the phugg away from me. I was hurt inside because I phugged up whorin around instead of sticking with her, I was afraid of what my parents might think. And knew all my buddies would give me schitt about dating her.
Ate at me for years. Unfortunately it still does, especially now since awhile back I was talking to a coworker about women and I brought her name up. Here she married his boy. SOB! He actually asked me not to interfere in her life. She has a good life now. I cant and wont do anything to harm that. Her husband has been with her through the tough times when she had cancer and was a true man being a dad to their kids and her daughter from before him.
But I cant stop thinking of her. So much times gone by I know, but I cant help it. What might have been. Jealousy. The list goes on. Cant tell her how much I miss her and sorry for acting like an azzhole and phugging up. Really do miss her a lot.
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PM Birdwatcher.
