Diesel I'm sure sorry to hear that you're having so carry such a load right now and I hope it gets lighter for you. Faith in God has made a huge difference for me at times like you're having.
In reading through your thread I was thinking of people that have endured far more than me. One thought was of the men that flew those B25s of the deck of the USS Hornet with the mission to bomb Tokyo. They knew they may be flying the last mission of their lives but they we're not doing what they chose to do for themselves. They did it for their family, friends and people like us that they'd never know. Then the story of the little boy that was asked to give blood to his sister so she might live. During the process he asked the doctor when he would die. He was giving his blood thinking it would take his life.
I think it's good advice for you to get your hearty checked out. Might be that you're fine and just hearing that will give you hope. If you're not at least you're still alive to get help. Depression is serious stuff too. I've been there. Sticking to a good routine helps with that. Most of all for me is faith in God but I also have to do my part.
I remember about 4 years ago having some chest pains. My wife works in the hospital so I called her and told her I was going to be in the emergency room shortly. She rushed home and got me to take me there. They took good care if me and kept me overnight. The next morning after finding nothing wrong the doc suggested a stress test. My wife had already told me this doctor was one of the best. Well this test started, on the treadmill. He got my heart rate up to where it was supposed to be according to my age and all looked good. He asked if I could go more. I figured if I'm going to have a coronary it might as well be here so I told him yes. He finally shut id down and told me I might as well plan on something else to kill me. That was good news and I'm telling you after that I felt like I could whip and grizzly bear! My point is to find out if you're okay and if that's the case then fight with all you have and if you've got health issues fight with all you've got. Life matters and yours is precious!
