I didn't get paddled much in school. However, I got paddled as a freshman in high school for pranking the gym teacher. I was told on a Friday that it would be administered on Monday. I had all weekend to sweat it.
That is, that was the intent. Instead, I had time to think this out. On Monday, I had thick typing pad stuffed down my pants. Those things were used to deaden the sound of typewriters. I showed up for the paddling before class on Monday. The gym teacher had one other teacher as a witness. I bent over and . . .
"Thunk."
The gym teacher had grabbed me by my belt to steady me. When he administered the swat, he was so panicked he dropped me. I fell to the floor. Of course, I played it up. The two teachers were really upset. It had been this ungodly hollow sound. My first impression was that they were on to me, but as I lay there I realized it was an over-the-top success.
"Bruce! What did you do to him?"
"I don't know Dave! " said the gym teacher, examining the paddle.
I crawled up off the floor and acted hurt. I was due for two more swats, but they begged my forgiveness and I went on my way.
Nobody ever knew. I got special treatment from the gym teacher after that. He was always my buddy.
You're retarded.
