Let me say this:
Happy pills are a good place to start. There are many of them, and a LOT of them are cheap. DON'T wait in the VA or any other one "free" outfit. Even if money is tight, go pick up aluminum cans so you can pay a doc for a visit. Lots or "telehealth" options out there for a modest fee. As far as cost of prescription, many anti depressants are dirt cheap. Tryciclics are quite effective, but have fallen out of favor due to toxicity concerns for large doses (kids getting into them) and the fact the patents are long expired and no one is marketing them. But the cheap ones work just fine.
Once you are out from under the black cloud you're under, you can start making rational choices.
I will also say this: If you have poor relationships with people close to you...... what do those relationships have in common? Once you're out of the depression, you can start working to try to repair those relationships.
There are no such thing as happy pills.
There are uppers and downers.
