FBI-We want to find out which car most efficiently reaches 60mph in 6 seconds.
Campfire Guru-My grandpa drove a car a 100 years ago that went 60mph.
FBI-Car#1 reaches 60mph in 6 seconds burning the least amount of fuel, with the most comfortable ride and was the easiest to safely drive.
Campfire Guru-But Car#2 does it in 5.9 seconds.....with no power steering and it slides all over the road and is wildly dangerous for half the drivers in the world.
FBI-Yes, Car#2 is faster. But that speed comes at a price. Do you understand cause and effect?
Campfire Guru-Did you not hear me???? I said 5.9 SECONDS!!!!
FBI-Have you ever tested both cars side by side to see which best accomplishes the goal?
Campfire Guru-So YOU'RE telling ME that my grandpa was a queer for pulling a trailer with Truck#3?
FBI-What are you even talking about? We're testing the speed efficiency of cars reaching 60mph and set 6 seconds as our benchmark.
Campfire Guru-A real man could keep any car on the road. I can. I did it one time last year.
FBI-Of course you can. But you could drive Car#1 and still accomplish your goal, but without as much drama or problems for yourself.
Campfire Guru-Don't tell me about your stupid race car.
FBI-It's not a race car, it's just a regular car. But it more efficiently accomplishes the same goal as Car#2.
Campfire Guru-Do you have any idea how large my penis is? I can drive ANY CAR.
FBI-That really has nothing to do with our research.
Campfire Guru-If you ever call my grandpa a queer again I'll shoot you with my bullets from 1904.
