I get the feeling that you are having a hard time accepting your faith as faith.
That which is asserted without evidence, can be rejected without evidence.
Nope, that is a misapplication of a worn out phrase.
You…. Antelope Sniper…. Cannot know that God does not exist. You can act like He doesn’t exist, you can believe He doesn’t exist….. but you cannot know that.
The tax collector said: “Lord Jesus, have mercy on me, a sinner.” Jesus said he went home “justified.”