Originally Posted by Birdwatcher

..and this episode, from Mexico, I can not possibly improve upon or remove even a single sentence.

EL DOS HERMOSAS HERMANAS

I entered the house and the sleeping apartment of the doncellas, with the freedom of an old friend of the house. This was a great mistake of mine, I should have sent in my card! My two charmers were in bed, but not alone! The black shaggy head of a Mexican lay on the pillow between the raven tresses of Rosita and Nina!

I recognized in the invader one Antonio, a renegade, and guide to our army. Overcome with my emotions, I was about to retire with becoming modesty when the voluptuous rascal sprang up and drawing a "macheta" from under his pillow, and wrapping his blanket around his left arm, he rushed on me like some wild beast, while the fastidious young ladies, instead of fainting or screaming sat up in bed and cried, "Bravo! Bravo! bueno Antonio! matar, matar el grande pendaho." (Bravo Bravo good Antonio, Kill! Kill the big fool) grin

Birdwatcher


But you didn't post the great ending:

I drew my sabre and came to guard in an instant. He was as active as a cat, and I found I had all I could attend to in keeping his ugly knife from getting between my ribs. All my cuts and points were received on his confounded blanket, and more than once his knife glided over my guard cutting my jacket. I began to regret that I had not sent in my card!

I could hear the gentle Nina say "unda! unda! mia dulce, mia alma (quick! quick! my sweet, my soul), while Rosita, in her most dulcet tones murmered "Antonio, mia amor, pungar el gringo, y que la cama." (Antonio, my love, stick the foreigner and come to bed!)

How cheering to myself were the words of the darlings, but I did not lose heart, and finally succeeded in giving my antagonist an ugly slash across one of his bare legs, causing him to drop his knife, when I gave him a point in a part, that made him howl with agony, and would cause him to lose the regards of the "dos margaritas".

"I'm gonna have to science the schit out of this." Mark Watney, Sol 59, Mars