Home Forums Hunting & Shooting Ask The Gunwriters Griz Defense with Bergers

When using burgers for bear defense, one need not be too picky about which specific burger to take. They all work well. However, I do use the White Castles when I can get them because they are smaller and lighter in weight (you can carry more units), and I am much less tempted to eat them while hunting than, say, quarter-pounders or butter burgers. In testing, bears showed a slight preference for whoppers, probably because of the burnt smell and all the mayo slathered mercylessly on both sides of the bun. One other advantage of whoppers is there is no chance they will be eaten in camp by the hunter or his partners.

The hard part of the burger defense is laying them out sequentially during the chase scene. There should be 10 feet of ground between them to slow the bear sufficiently, but in testing, most hunters just flopped the whole bag out in one pile at the start of the chase due to adrenaline and fear. One other mistake frequently made by hunters is stopping within the same zip code of the last burger drop to remove those dirty shorts, and then staying on the spot to puke before proceeding to the bar. While it may be socially unacceptable to enter a bar with dirty shorts and having the first 6 rounds before going to the can to change, it just might save your life. The trick is to inform the fellas at the bar that you are in bear retreat. Then they will understand the stench and cut you some slack. Sometimes the more understanding and experienced fellas will draw their own weapons and watch your back as you go to the can to change to make sure the bear didn't track you all the way to the bar. That is a rare occurrence, but there are at least two documented cases.