Anymore..... After 15 years and 4 children, youngest is 6. She does not think she wants to continue our marriage.She said she still cares for me, but not love. I have a marriage counsel set up for next monday, but it don't look good. She said diff.individual events over the past 10 years have caused her to loose the love. I have not done anything that would warrant a divorce, stuff that most should forgive and forget. I asked about the thousands of great things that I think that I have done for her/us---the family, and I guess its never enough. She has not had to work for the past 14 years, we have a beautiful house, vacation at the beach 3 weeks a year, a pool in the back yard----- a life that I think most woman would love to have------------I am fit, in shape, and have never had a problem in the looks dept. I love her like I have never loved another. Has anyone of you guys turned this situation around?????
The "I love you but I'm not in love with you" is a huge red flag dude. Assuming you have been a good husband, are not a drunk, a serial cheater, or beat her, the alternative is she has already found someone else, and is in "the fog".
Women are like monkeys swinging from branch to branch. They won't let go of the branch they have until a new one is in the other hand. Women RARELY just walk away from a good, decent, or even fairly poor marriage without having another guy all set up on the back burner.
-The "ILY,BINILWY" thing is a red flag.
-Has she been especially argumentative lately over small bs or nothing at all? More critical of you than ever?
-Does she have a cell phone that she's recently started locking or takes with her wherever she goes? On the computer more, or locks the computer?
-New outfits? Working out, looking better, more concerned with appearance?
-Running more "errands" than usual?
You get the idea. Don't mean to insult your wife, but the ILYBINILWY thing along with asking for divorce or separation...well, MOST of the time that means one thing (again, assuming YOU aren't a major tool and deserve to be sent kicking rocks).
If she's cheating, and if you want to save it, blow up the affair, expose her and him to everyone of importance in their lives, then start immediately pulling back from her and YOU initiate divorce proceedings. She'll be blubbering and blowing snot bubbles on hands and knees begging for you to forgive her and take her back. Then you need to decide if you even want that any longer.
BUT, you first need to determine if this is the case. If she is having an affair, you need to blow it up (figuratively). If she is, get concrete, undeniable evidence, and then confront her (not before you obtain the evidence though...otherwise she'll deny, deny, deny).
IF she is having an affair, chances are the signs are there, and you've ignored them or they've gone over your head. It happens when you trust someone.
On the other hand, if she has just flat checked out, is playing or feeling the part of the bored, unloved, middle aged housewife, you can turn that around as well I believe, but it might be tougher, and the "180" not so easy to work from your end. First thing, were it me, I'd give her the "space" she wants. All of it she could handle. Nothing will drive a woman further away than clinging onto them when they are in the process of pulling away. Make yourself scarce. File for divorce. Make her think more about her life without you, than she's thinking about her life with you. That is done by making her experience it.
