as to the cheating.....for all the reasons lined out by others the reason we have gone there is 98 times out of 100 getting blindsided like he did(though deep down if he thinks about it he probably knew, just didnt admit it to himself) its cause she has found someone else.....as the others have said short of abuse it is EXTREMELY rare for a woman to let go of one guy before having another lined up...if your wife was the exception, great for you but that is fuggin rare.....
I agree Sheridan. In the OP's case the wife said "I love you but I'm not IN love with you."
Like others have said that is a big red flag that she's found another guy but nobody knows that yet.
I should have clarified that my wife never said that to me and I never questioned weather she loved me or not. She just needed steering in the right direction. Someone put it perfectly when they said they are in a fog and will look for anything or anybody to justify their BS actions.
